“Maybe you need to consider it. Given your history, I always expected you to have issues responding to MVAs. The real miracle given the life-threatening nature of your accident and your PTSD is that you didn’t. And I watched you.”
Caden knew that was true. And he’d understood why. On some level, he’d actually appreciated it. Before his first times out there, he hadn’t known how he might respond either. But he’d been so driven to repay the debt, to help how Talbot had helped him, that he’d never had an issue. Accident scenes had never been a trigger for him the way they could be for other crash survivors.
The accident had scarred him physically, but the emotional trauma stemmed from its consequences. From losing his family. From surviving what they hadn’t. From being alone with their corpses—because he hadn’t known until later that his father had actually lived. From being left alone, in the car and all the years after, when his father checked out on him. From the fact that it took so long for someone to come help him that he hadn’t known they were real.
Caden nodded. “I hadn’t realized things were getting to me as bad as they apparently are. I’ll handle it.”
Joe’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t try to go it on your own. If your PTSD is flaring up enough to cause nightmares and give you a panic attack, something is stressing you out. Go talk to someone. That’s an order. Don’t make me pull you off shifts.”
A rock parked in his gut, Caden rubbed a hand over his scar. “Yeah. Okay.”
“Now go home,” Joe said. “Get some sleep. And ask Makenna when she’s gonna bring around more of those chocolate-iced brownies.”
“I’m still on,” Caden said.
“And I’m telling you to cut out. C-Shift will be on soon, so we’re covered. That wasn’t a suggestion.” Joe arched an eyebrow.
Well, fuck. Caden hadn’t been sent home once in nine years. And even though nothing in Joe’s tone or expression made him think there was anything punitive or even irritated about the command, Caden still felt he was letting down his captain, his station, his family—the only one he had.
This was the one place where he’d always had things together.
Standing took way more effort than he wanted to admit. He came to attention, spine straight, head up.
“Dismissed,” Joe said.
Caden made quick work of going home—to his townhouse in Fairlington that was just three blocks away. Makenna wouldn’t be at the apartment yet, and he was way too raw to be around her just then anyway.
Which was why he texted her a lie.
Came home sick. Flu or something. Gonna sleep it off here for a few days so I don’t get you sick. Talk to you later.
He stared at the words for a moment, then he hit Send. Maybe it wasn’t that much of a lie after all. Something was wrong with him. And he didn’t want to burden her with it. At least not until he figured out what had happened, what it meant, and what he needed to do about it.
*
Makenna was going a little crazy. Sitting in a ball on her couch, she’d been flipping cable channels for fifteen minutes without seeing a single thing worth watching. How was that even possible? But that wasn’t what was really driving her crazy.
No, she was going crazy because she hadn’t seen Caden in three days. They’d been texting all weekend, but he was still sick and not wanting to make her sick. It was killing her not to go help him, but he kept insisting she not come.
On top of that, she was going crazy because she’d gotten the official results from her doctor, and they’d confirmed what she already knew. She was pregnant.
But they’d also told her something she hadn’t known—based on her bloodwork, she could be as far along as eight weeks. Which meant it really had happened when that condom broke back in October. Knowing she was pregnant was the only thing keeping her from helping Caden whether he wanted her to or not. She probably shouldn’t chance getting sick.
Given how far along she was, the doctor’s office managed to fit her in for an ultrasound appointment for Tuesday. And part of what was making her crazy was not knowing whether she should tell Caden before Tuesday so he could go with her, or get the ultrasound by herself and make sure the baby was healthy before raising it with him. She knew she was probably overthinking the whole thing and not giving him enough credit, but all this alone time had hit at the worst possible moment and had her conjuring up every bad outcome possible.