Bee-lining through the house, he was glad everyone else was still downstairs. He made for the kitchen, then the back door, then his Jeep, just for space, just to escape, just to find some place where there might still be some oxygen left to breathe. Outside, he braced his hands on the hood of the Jeep, not caring about the snow or the way the cold wetness of it immediately made his fingers ache.
As if all that wasn’t bad enough, to learn that Makenna had once agreed to marry that guy. That they would’ve already been married if Cameron hadn’t made some mistake. Caden hadn’t gotten all the details, but they didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Makenna had loved Cameron enough to want to make a life with him. A life with a man who was Caden’s opposite in just about every way—professional where Caden was blue collar, wealthy where Caden was just comfortable, all-American good looks where Caden appeared rough around the edges, confident and charming where Caden was awkward and clumsy.
Cameron was the kind of guy Makenna was attracted to when she met a man in the light of day. The darkness in that elevator had been Caden’s saving grace, because it had allowed both of them to get to know one another without the preconceptions that appearances created—and he’d created some of his on purpose, hadn’t he? Except once he’d gotten to know her within the freedom of that darkness, he hadn’t wanted her to turn him away when she saw him. He hadn’t wanted her to be put off by him.
And, miraculously, she hadn’t been. He could still hear her calling him freaking gorgeous that night. And the memory of it still stole his breath and set his heart to racing. But if Cameron was the kind of man she’d once agreed to marry, then it proved that her attraction to Caden was a fluke. At the very least, not her norm. Didn’t it? Did that matter?
Maybe it didn’t. Or at least shouldn’t.
But it made him doubt, for maybe the millionth time since they’d started seeing one another, whether he was good enough for her, whether he was right for her. He thought he’d put the worst of that behind, because he knew it was his past and his anxiety and his fucked-up fears talking. He knew it was. But seeing an alternative future for Makenna held up in front of his face like this had reached inside his chest and his brain and his heart and stirred it all up again.
Stirred it up bad.
Jesus.
Breathe, Grayson. Just fucking breathe.
He braced wet hands on his knees, lowered his head, and counted backward from ten. Ten. Deep in, deep out. Nine. Deep in, deep out. Eight. If it hurt this bad to imagine Makenna with someone else, how much would it hurt to lose her? Seven. Deep, in, deep out. Six. I’ve lost everyone else, why would she be different? Five. Deep in, deep out. Four. You have her now, focus on that. Three. Okay, okay. Two. Deep in, deep out. One. Deep in, deep out.
Shit, his shoulders and chest were just as tight.
He did it again from ten, this time blocking out all the non-stop commentary racing through his head.
When he was done, he stood up and rolled his neck, his shoulders. She’d only agreed to think about what Cameron had said to her. She hadn’t agreed to be with him and she’d made it clear that she was serious about Caden. Focus on that. Right. Okay.
Except hearing the echo of Cameron’s declaration of love in his ear added another layer of stress to the whole situation. Because that dickhead had said it to Makenna again when Caden hadn’t said it once yet.
In fact, the prospect of declaring how he felt scared the shit out of Caden. Because it felt like tempting the fates. Hey, lightning, let me show you what I really care about so you know where to strike next!
The past. Anxiety. Fucked-up fears. He knew it.
Didn’t change that he felt that way though.
Which brought him back around to the gut check that maybe he wasn’t good enough for her.
Because didn’t Makenna deserve to hear those words? And if Caden couldn’t give them to her ….
Then what?
Stop it. Get back in there and be with her. That’s how you keep her.
He scrubbed his hand over the scar on his head. “Fuck,” he bit out. And then he turned on his heel and got back in the house. He could pull himself together. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed. She’d show him.
“Hey, there you are,” Makenna said, standing at the kitchen counter stirring a cup of hot tea. “I was looking for you.”
“Just needed a little air,” Caden said, joining her at the counter.
“Family proving a little too much?” she asked with a smile. She wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, you’re so chilly. I better warm you up.” Pressing herself tight against him, she held him closer and tucked her head in against his throat.
The embrace was fucking life.
He hugged her back. “Not too much,” he said, clearing the roughness out of his voice. “I like your family. It’s been a great day.” And it was. He’d meant it when he told Mike he hadn’t had a Thanksgiving this enjoyable in years.
“Would you like anything?” she asked.
His appetite for that turkey sandwich was long gone. “No,” he said. “I’m good.”
“Would you like to go be alone, just the two of us?”
He didn’t even have to think. “That sounds like heaven,” he said.