She shook her head. “I need to go. I need to be alone.” She couldn’t think about what was going on with her and Graham right then. She needed him to not be there. If he was there, it was only a reminder that she’d messed up, and had trusted herself when she shouldn’t have. She needed to focus on Rowan. That was the only thing that mattered. Because she’d thought she might be able to have a serious relationship just once in her life, she’d taken her eyes off her daughter and had ruined everything.
“You shouldn’t be alone right now,” Owen said as he moved to her other side. “We’ll all go with you. What Graham said before was the truth, we’re your family.”
She met Owen’s eyes, then Murphy’s, before looking into Graham’s. The anger in his eyes burned, and she hoped it was for who had taken her baby and not her, but she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“Fine,” she said softly. She was too tired to fight them. She’d fight for Rowan, but not herself. Not right now.
She slid into the passenger seat of her car as Graham drove her home. The other Gallaghers had said they’d take care of the other vehicles on the lot as well as the site itself before they joined them at her place. She didn’t know what they planned, but she pushed it to the side. If she focused on every little thing around her, she’d break. And she couldn’t be there for Rowan if she was truly broken beyond measure.
When they pulled into her parking lot, she nodded at the cops, who nodded back, and then she got out of the car. Mrs. Gonzales ran to her, throwing her arms around Blake.
“Oh, Blake, I’m so sorry,” the older woman cried as she hugged Blake close. Blake forced herself to hug the other woman back. Her arms were too heavy, and she wasn’t functioning on all levels.
“We’re going to find her, Mrs. Gonzales,” Graham said from their side. “I’m going to get Blake inside now. Are you okay alone? My brothers will be here soon, as well.”
Mrs. Gonzales pulled away from Blake before reaching up to pat Graham on the cheek over his beard. “Take care of our girl. I’ll be fine at home. But if you need anything, you let me know.” She rolled her shoulders back. “I’m going to cook for these fine officers who are going to find our baby. They will need the energy.” She pointed at Blake. “And you’re going to eat my food, too. You can’t fade away, or there won’t be anything left when Rowan gets back. She will be back, my darling.” And with that, Mrs. Gonzales stomped away, her mission clear.
Blake could have hugged the other woman for it, but she didn’t even have that in her. With her back straight, she made her way up the stairs and into her apartment, Graham on her heels.
“You need to sit down,” he said after a moment.
That’s when she realized she’d been standing still in the middle of her apartment, not saying anything. She didn’t like this numb version of herself. How could she function and be of any help if she could barely move?
“I’m fine.”
She wasn’t fine.
“Do you want to take a shower?” Graham asked. He reached out and cupped her chin.
She backed away.
The hurt look on his face pierced her, but she knew it was for the best. She already wasn’t doing what she needed to do, and having Graham touch her wouldn’t help.
“Why would I need a shower?” she asked, her voice wooden.
Graham stuck his hands in his pockets, looking as lost as she felt. “Because you think in the shower. It’ll clean away some of the day so you can focus better.” He sighed. “I don’t know, Blake. I’m just trying to help.”
“Well, I don’t need your help.” She inhaled through her nose. “You’ve helped enough. So go, okay? I’m home. I’m safe. But my daughter isn’t. I need to focus on that and nothing else.”
He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when someone knocked on the door. “I’ll go answer that,” he said softly.
She pushed past him, though. What if it was Rowan? Blake knew she was acting like a bitch to Graham when all he’d done was try to help her, but she couldn’t trust herself if she let him get close.
When she opened the door, it wasn’t Rowan, but Maya, Jake, and Border. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Are you kidding me?” Maya asked. “Where else would we be?” Maya hugged Blake tightly and moved out of the way so Jake and Border could file in. They hugged her, too, and before Blake could shut the door, Owen and Murphy were there, as well.
She should have felt loved, needed with everyone there for her. But she couldn’t quite understand how it had all happened. She’d spent the majority of her daughter’s life keeping people at arm’s length, but now there were countless people in her home, worried for her and Rowan. She could even scent the food cooking from Mrs. Gonzales’s apartment that Blake knew would soon be in her own place.
These people cared for her and were worried about Rowan. She should be grateful, and yet, she felt like a first-class bitch.
She needed them gone, out of her way so she could be who she needed to be. Things had been safer when she was alone. And yes, that sounded idiotic since none of the people in her apartment were directly responsible for what had happened, but she couldn’t help but be irrational right now.
Graham put his arm around her waist and brought her back to his chest. “Breathe, Blake. You need to breathe.”