She’d broken something inside him, and he didn’t want to find a way to fix it.
He hated the fact that her lies had forced him to resent a little girl for merely being. And for that…for that, he might not ever forgive Blake.
Or himself.
11
Blake knew she’d messed up, but even though sadness filled her, it did nothing to quench the anger.
Four days.
It had been four days.
Four days since she’d told Graham the truth and had ruined any chance she had with him. Yet she knew that no matter the outcome, she’d probably have done the same thing she had initially. Rowan was far too important to her to just let anyone know about her. And that twisted sense of logic was why Blake tried to avoid drama in the first place.
The sadness came from the knowledge that she had a relationship that was over before it had even begun. She ached for Graham’s loss and his inability to move on, but she couldn’t blame him for the latter. If she lost Rowan, she didn’t know what she’d do. The fact that she’d kept her daughter to herself because of those who would not only hurt her and Rowan, but also take her baby away, spoke of only a small fraction of what Blake would do.
But Blake couldn’t help but be angry, as well. Graham hadn’t let her explain, hadn’t let her open up and tell him more than she’d told another soul in her life. She’d wanted to explain why she’d left her parents all those years ago, and why it hurt her to step foot in the house he was currently renovating. From there, she’d have told him about Rowan’s father and why Blake had done her best to keep her daughter in the shadows without dampening her inherent brightness.
The rollercoaster of the past decade wore on Blake, and the fact that she’d thought she could trust Graham with it told her how close to breaking she’d been. Graham hadn’t wanted to listen, hadn’t wanted anything except Blake to be gone. Yes, she’d lied—or omitted the truth—but it had been for good reasons. At least, good in her mind. In the process of trying to keep her family safe, she’d hurt Graham. Because of that, she’d lost him.
So, yes, she was sad, but she was angry, too. Not just at him, but at the situation and those who’d put her in this position in the first place.
One person who she would never be angry at for just being was her daughter. Everything Blake did, every lie she told, every person she had to push away, was for Rowan. And that would never change.
“Mom?”
Rowan’s voice brought Blake out of her thoughts, and she turned to her daughter. Rowan smiled as she bounced into the living room, her backpack in her hand and her hair out of its ponytail again.
Blake snorted and held out a hand. “Come here, squirt. Didn’t I just help you with your hair?”
Rowan shrugged and bounced again. Blake’s kid was forever bouncing, or talking, or bouncing and talking. It took all the energy Blake had at the end of a long day to keep up with her, and yet, she wouldn’t change it for anything.
“It wasn’t even,” Rowan said. “I like things even.”
Forever her mother’s daughter. “Yeah, but it was even when I did it.” She narrowed her eyes. “Were you by any chance hanging upside down over your bed instead of going through your spelling words?”
Rowan looked at the corner of the ceiling and tried to whistle. It came out as a breathy hum since she couldn’t actually whistle, and Blake did her best to not crack up at it. Seriously, with this kid.
“Come here, weirdo,” she said with a laugh since she couldn’t hold it back for longer than two seconds.
Rowan came over and turned around, holding out a hair tie in her hand. “Thanks, Mom. And I went over the words upside down. It helps keep them in my brain, you know.”
Since Rowan’s back was to her, Blake rolled her eyes. “Are you sure they don’t just fall out?” She finished putting Rowan’s hair up before tickling her daughter’s side. Rowan tried to squirm away, laughing up a storm, but Blake was still faster.
For now.
Soon, her baby would grow up even more, and become more and more of her own person. While Blake loved the idea of it, she still wanted her precious baby girl to stay a child for a little while longer.
“Stop!” Rowan giggled. “I’m going to pee my pants.”
Blake chuckled but let go. Most of the anger and sadness that had filled her before slowly slid away at the sound of Rowan’s laughter. Her daughter was everything to her, and to hear that laugh meant the world.
“You ready for school?” Blake asked as she checked Rowan’s bag. They were forever forgetting things until the last minute, though she tried to keep track of lists. But with just the two of them and her weird hours, sometimes things didn’t work out. Hence, the triple checking of the schoolbag in the mornings.
“Yep.” Rowan snuggled into Blake’s side. “I have my homework, don’t worry.”
Blake nodded as she checked the pocket folders just in case. “Good, because that math was hard.”