“Ohhh. Well . . . yeah. Okay, walk me through it.”
“I’m thinking it went something like this: My mom moves to Italy and makes a bunch of friends, Howard included. Then a few months in she falls for this guy X. Something happens, maybe they fight too much, or there’s too much pressure because the school has some kind of weird rule about dating, and they break up. Then my mom rebounds with this nice Southern gentleman who probably had a thing for her all along. She gives it a try, but she can’t get X off her mind. Then one day she finds out she’s pregnant and panics, because she’s having a baby with someone she isn’t in love with.”
“That totally makes sense!”
“I know. And that would explain why we stayed away from him all these years. I mean, he is a nice guy, and from all the stories she told, he was definitely a good friend to her, but you can’t just pretend to be in love with someone. It would hurt them too badly.”
“Poor, scary Howard,” Ren breathed.
“And that’s why she wrote ‘I made the wrong choice.’ Maybe that was her big regret. She had a baby with someone she wasn’t in love with.”
“Except you’re that baby. So do you really think she’d have written that in the front of her journal?”
“Oh. Probably not.” I sat down. “But, Ren, it’s so sad! I mean, the way Howard talks about her, you can tell he really loved her. And she told me all these stories about how much fun they used to have together. But it just wasn’t enough—she loved someone else!”
“It’s like that old song ‘Love Stinks.’?”
“Never heard of it.”
“You haven’t? It’s in a bunch of movies. It’s about how whenever you fall in love with someone it turns out they’re in love with someone else. And it’s this big messed-up cycle where no one ends up with the person they want.”
“Ugh. That is so depressing.”
“Tell me about it.” He paused. “Are you going to tell Howard that you know? About X?”
“No. I mean, I’m sure we’ll talk about it eventually. But not until I finish the journal. I have to make sure my theory is right.”
APRIL 5
Another night of drama. Simone got tickets to a new club near Piazza Santa Maria Novella and our group plus a few other students met up around eleven. I’d been working late at the studio, so I showed up on my own and when I got there the first two people I saw were Adrienne and Howard. They were to the side of the building, and Adrienne was standing with her back to the wall and Howard was leaning in to her, saying something in a low voice. The scene was so intimate that for a moment I didn’t understand what I was seeing. I’ve never seen the two of them even talk one-on-one. What was this?
I went into the club without them noticing and found the rest of the group, and then the two of them came in separately, acting like nothing had happened. Then things really got weird. Partway through the night Adrienne called Alessio a liar—something about him breaking his promise to go with her to an art exhibit—and for some reason that really set Howard off. He told her that she was the last person on earth who should call someone a liar, and that if she had any shred of dignity she’d come out with the truth. Adrienne hissed back that it was none of his business. Then Simone stepped in and told them to both calm down.
Guess I’m not the only one with secrets.
APRIL 19
X has been out of town for a full week, but he gets home tomorrow. TOMORROW. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. After class I told Francesca that I needed to find The Dress. You know, the once-in-a-lifetime dress guaranteed to make anyone fall in love with you. (Or in my case, make me look amazing when I tell him my big news.)
Francesca was the perfect person to ask, because when it comes to shopping she has the patience of a saint. It took us five hours, but we finally found it. It’s an off-white sundress, very feminine, with a sweetheart neckline and a skirt that falls just above the knee. Francesca even talked me into getting a haircut. Who knew cutting off a few inches of useless hair could give you cheekbones?
And what’s my big news, you ask? Earlier this week Petrucione asked me if I’d be interested in staying on through August to assist with the upcoming semester. I’ll be paid and get an extension on my student visa, which means I will be here until the end of the summer!!
APRIL 20
Woke up early this morning ecstatic to see X and there was a message on my phone. He decided to extend his time at the conference he’s attending and won’t make it until Monday. That’s when I had a brilliant idea—I’ll surprise him in Rome! Even if he’s attending seminars all day, at least we’ll be in the same city. I can spend my days touring. Express trains take only ninety minutes, so if I catch the four p.m. train this afternoon, I’ll be waiting for him at his hotel when he’s done for the day. I can’t wait to see the look on his face!