“I’ve never…played before.” But she’d thought about it.
“That’s not a problem. I’ve played enough for both of us. All you have to do is follow my commands. I’ll ensure your pleasure, your relaxation. On a night when we play, you will belong to me and I will be possessive. The good news is you can tell me no and I’ll walk away. If you tell me to stay away, I will. This is only good for me if it’s good for you.”
“You would spank me?” The question didn’t come out shocked because she wasn’t. And that kind of shocked her. She was a genius at the top of her game.
She was also a woman who needed sex and emotion and connection, even if it was only for a few hours a week.
“Only if you like to be spanked.”
She had to push him before she made the decision. “But I know there’s punishment.”
“Only if you need it to feel happy and complete,” he explained. “Or if you wanted accountability for something.”
River walked up, a smile on her face. “It’s time for dinner, you two.”
He nodded her way. “We’ll be right there.” When their hostess had walked away, he turned his attention back on Becca. Such focus. When he looked at her like that, she felt like she was the only woman in the room. “Think about it, Becca. I’m willing to play with you. I’m more than willing. I want you. If all I can get is a night a week, I’ll take it. As long as when you’re with me, you’re with me, then I won’t ask questions about the rest of your social life.”
He wouldn’t care that she was dating other men. Or he might care, but he wouldn’t give her hell for it. He would likely date as well. They would be free to explore sex with each other, but also free to explore outside their relationship.
This was dangerous, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. He was offering her everything she wanted. No holds barred. No strings attached.
But there might be rope.
“Think about it.” He took a deep breath and stepped back. “We should go.”
“Yes,” she said, her decision made. “We should.” She took his hand. “River, I’m so sorry. I have an emergency.”
The whole room was staring at her, but she knew what she needed and it was absolutely him.
“An emergency? Is everything okay?” River asked.
She started to lead Owen toward the door. “Everything will be. Thanks so much for inviting me. And Owen. He’s got to help me with my emergency.”
It was weak, but she honestly didn’t care. She’d spent the last few hours feeling vulnerable, and this choice seemed to have brought her strength back.
“It’s definitely an emergency,” Owen affirmed in a low drawl. “It might take most of the night. Thanks for the party, Jax. River.”
She grabbed her purse and when he took the lead, she followed.
Chapter Nine
She led Owen into her apartment and silently thanked Cathy for the flowers that spruced the place up. Décor hadn’t been a priority since she’d moved in.
Of course, the prettiest thing in her place right now was the large predatory man glancing around, taking in his surroundings.
She took a breath and then let it out. Where was the panic? Shouldn’t she be asking herself what the hell she was doing? Shouldn’t she be questioning why she was about to talk about submitting to this man sexually?
Her lateral frontal pole was perfectly silent, having given way to her limbic system with a big old thumbs-up. As though the most sophisticated part of her brain had just told the primal part, “you go, girl.”
“Do you want another drink?” she asked, putting her purse on the foyer table and joining him in the living room.
“Do you need one?”
She didn’t take offense. She considered it for a moment. “No. I’m okay with my level of calm right now. I think another might dull the experience.”
He settled onto her big comfy couch. Big? She kind of got lost on it, but Owen’s body took up all the space. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m not going to drink for the rest of the night either. I want to focus on you. Come here and sit on my lap. We need to go over a few rules first.”
Rules. Yes, she’d heard this whole lifestyle thing was about communication. As long as it ended with his penis communicating with her pussy, she was okay with it. And his lap looked awfully comfy.
She kicked off her flats and crossed the space between them. “I don’t do a lot of lap sitting. Should I call you ‘Sir’ or something?”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Tell me you don’t read those books. Every bloody sub I know reads those books. They’re not like real life. In real life dungeons are in someone’s creepy basement. Well, unless they’re owned by multimillionaires or men who spend way too much money on dungeons.”
Oh, she would like to see one of those. “Do you play in someone’s creepy basement dungeon?”
His eyes lit up. “Not at all. I’m going to admit I know way too many of the multimillionaire types. I’ve done most of my play in lavish dungeons, but I get in because it’s part of my employment package. The multimillionaires often need security. I’m good at my job, and many of the men and women at the firm I work for are involved in the lifestyle, so they’re happy to give us access. You would be surprised at the high-powered people who enjoy playing.”
She moved in, awkwardly settling herself onto his lap, but when his arms went around her she felt her whole body relax. He was like a warm blanket, covering and surrounding her. “It doesn’t surprise me at all. Sex is an excellent way to relieve stress, and having rules and protocols would be attractive to type A personalities. I know I’ve thought about it. But I have to admit, the creepy dungeon might be fun, too.”
His lips curled up in that smirk she was coming to adore. “You might not have to wait long. Robert will likely find a house soon and start converting his basement. There’s a pervert for ya. Love him like a brother, but he’s got his quirks.”
“Do you have quirks?” She loved being so close to him. This was what they’d missed in their single encounter. They’d had all the talking and getting to know one another. Because of the nature of their location and the specifics of their situation, it could possibly have subbed for two or three dates’ worth of getting to know each other. They’d had the incredibly hot sex. But they hadn’t had the sensuality of touching and caressing and kissing before the hot sex. There was something tender about sitting in his lap, listening to the deep rumble of his voice.
“A couple,” he admitted. He looked content. His body was relaxed, as though he genuinely loved being exactly where he was. “I don’t talk about my past much. I prefer to look to the future. Couple of things you should know. I’ve never been married. Haven’t had a steady girlfriend in a long time. I work too much, drink too much.”
“I work too much,” she replied, liking his openness. “I hide too much, too. I get lost in routine. I could explain why. It’s got to do with the primal brain and comfort, but that’s also the part of the brain where addiction forms. Addiction can be to more than drugs and alcohol. It can be to patterns of behavior that hurt us. I’m worried I’m getting addicted to not feeling things.”
His hand slid up her hip. “Like pain?”
“Like anything.” It felt good to talk about it. She couldn’t with her coworkers and she didn’t want to worry her family, but this was something she’d thought about for a long time. “I feel like sometimes I’m not present at all. Even when I’m with my dad, I’m thinking about work. I’m glancing at the clock and wondering when I can go back because in that lab I don’t have to be anything but a doctor looking for a cure.”