Quill’s back faces me, and I swear the muscles tense when I compliment John. Perhaps, my companion isn’t a robot after all.
“He was my Dom, and I was his sub. It began in the bedroom, but eventually, he controlled everything. I didn’t want to choose. I didn’t want to be in charge.”
“That turned out well for you.”
Ignoring his malicious comment, I think back to John. “I chose him because he was very dominant. He was also a masochist, and I needed pain.”
“Do you still need it here?”
“Are you asking if you can spank me?”
Quill doesn’t react, but I can feel him rolling his eyes. I smile at the thought of his irritation.
“Something happened when I was young, and pain helped me confront the anxiety from the incident.”
“Why are you talking like that?”
“It’s how my therapist talked.”
“Did therapy help you?” he asks, and I hear the amusement in his voice.
“No. She said I needed to learn to forgive myself, but I didn’t want to. I want to feel the guilt every day. The pain helped me deal with the guilt, but I never wanted the shame to leave me.”
“Guilt for what?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Quill stands up and looks at me. “I’m amazed you have an emotion or experience you don’t feel the need to vomit on me.”
“If you want me to stop speaking to you, just ask.”
“Like how I asked you not to touch me?”
“In my defense, I’m accustomed to human contact. It’ll take time for me to become a robot like you.”
“I don’t want to crush your hopes, but I was like this long before I arrived in the Lost Highway.”
“Were you raised poorly?”
“I was trained to kill. I feel like I repeat myself too often with you.”
Quill walks to the porch and wipes his hands on his camouflage pants. Feeling scolded, I join him and remain silent.
“When it warms up this way, a severe thunderstorm is coming,” he says, looking upward. “These aren’t like the one we had the other night. These storms are incredibly loud and shake everything. You’ll want to prepare for that.”
While I nod at his warning, Quill glances at me and then at the woods.
“Storms occur frequently. The good thing about them is the wolves and Death Dealers hide, so we don’t need to worry about them causing trouble. The downside is we can’t leave the cabin. Not when the cold brings the fog or when the heat brings the thunderstorms.”
Nodding again, I watch the woods in the same way he does. I see nothing except trees blocking my view of everything past the clearing. Their line is a wall, trapping us into this area.
I see now how the Lost Highway is a prison filled with smaller ones. This side of the highway becomes this part of the woods becomes this clearing becomes the cabin until we are locked away in the closet downstairs with barely enough room to move. Despite years of therapy and too many recent near death experiences, I still believe this place is the punishment I deserve.
Chapter Fourteen
Odessa
In the Lost Highway, a storm doesn’t begin with a rumble in the distance. Instead, the world is quiet one moment. Then in the next, Mother Nature attacks.
I am looking out the window at the quiet afternoon when the first roll of thunder shakes the cabin. Startled, I back away from the trembling walls. My gaze searches for Quill in the downpour, but he’s still outside doing whatever he does. I wrap my arms around my body and wait for the reassurance of his emotionless face to appear at the door.
A drenched Quill enters the cabin and walks straight into the back bedroom. I stand in the hallway, waiting for him. He takes so long to appear that I even wonder if he’s sleeping.
The door opens after what feels like an eternity. Now in dry clothes, Quill frowns at the sight of me.
“What?”
“I’m scared,” I say, flinching at the banging thunder and shaking walls.
“What am I supposed to do about that?”
I can barely hear him over the thunder, but the meaning behind his words is clear. He thinks I’m a child, and he won’t baby me.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
Quill opens his mouth to speak but decides whatever he wants to share isn’t worth the effort. He walks past me and to the kitchen. Following him, I still seek comfort, and he’s my only option.
“Go sit down,” he orders without looking at me.
I hesitate at first, wanting to remain as close to him as possible. The cabin quakes and lightning temporarily blinds me. I feel beaten down by the heaviness of the storm. Before Quill can speak again, I do as he instructs.