Because it makes people happy, I want to say, but her tone stings so much that I can’t squeeze the words out. This past week, the Allerdale company has finally accepted me as one of their own, even though I’m not performing. They seem to think writing a show is kind of a big deal. It hurts to remember that to my family, my hard work is just a bunch of jokes.
Fortunately, my mom doesn’t even pause for a response. “Speaking of terrible shows, what ever happened with that awful side project, Se?or Magellan’s Flying Circus? I haven’t heard anything about it in weeks.”
I don’t bother to correct her. “It…got canceled,” I say.
“The playwright couldn’t get it together, huh? That’s what happens when you put someone untrained in charge of a show. Marcus should really know better by now. But having that over with must be a relief for you, right? Now you can give all your attention to Bye Bye Banquo, or whatever they’re calling it.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say.
“We’ll see you on Friday before the show, right? I made us a nice early dinner reservation at that lovely bistro we went to last month. Zoe’s invited, too, of course. I’ve been telling absolutely everyone about your hot new girlfriend.”
“Mom,” I moan.
“What? It’s exciting. Everyone’s thrilled for you. I’m so proud of you for opening yourself up to the possibility of dating girls, Brookie. Your life is going to be so much richer for it. I always hoped that if I had a daughter, she would want to date women. Men are so difficult to understand.”
I should tell her Zoe and I broke up, that I’m not really sure I want to date any more girls. But in her eyes, the rest of my summer here has been a failure, so if I’ve failed at wanting Zoe, I’ve failed at everything. I decide not to say anything for now. Dinner on Friday won’t really happen once I convince my parents not to come, and when Allerdale’s over, I can pretend Zoe and I have drifted apart naturally.
“I’m really glad you like her,” I say.
“I can’t wait to see both of you. Oh, sweetie, I’ve got to go. Christa’s calling on the other line. But I’ll see you Friday.”
“Sure,” I say. “I love you, Mom.”
The second I hear the click of the line disconnecting, the crushing complexity of my life rushes over me like a tidal wave, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to walk to the theater and go about my day. My beautiful show, the one thing that was actually going well for me, feels small and silly and tainted after hearing my mom belittle it. I squat down right there in the middle of the Ramsey lawn, put my hands over my face, and try to pull myself together.
“Brooklyn?”
When I look up, Russell’s standing right next to me, looking concerned. I stand up and try to paste on a smile. “Oh, hi.”
“Are you okay?”
I’m about to say I’m fine, but there’s really no point in pretending; I’ve obviously been crying. “Not really,” I say.
“What’s up?”
“I…kind of got dumped last night.”
A horrified expression comes over his face, and he actually takes a step back, like my angst might be contagious. But then he recovers and pulls me into a hug. “Oh no. Brooklyn, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were dating someone. You never mentioned him.”
I ignore the pronoun. “It wasn’t, like, a long-term relationship or anything.”
“Even so, that totally sucks. Take care of yourself today, okay? I’ll cover for you if you need to take some time out of rehearsal.”
“Thank you,” I say.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“Not really, but thanks.”
Russell guides me toward Legrand, one arm still tight around my shoulders, and we’re there all too soon. He holds the door for me, but I hover outside. “You go ahead,” I say. “I’ll catch up with you.”
“Why, what’s—” Russell’s eyes widen. “Wait a second. You were dating a guy from the cast, weren’t you?”
“No,” I say, and I hope he can’t tell from my face how close he is to the truth. “It’s not that. I just need a minute.”
“Okay. I’ll wait for you inside.”
I hide around the corner of the building and try to prepare myself for seeing Zoe, but the passing minutes only give me more time to imagine horrible new scenarios. What if she confronts me in front of everyone and accuses me of using her? What if Livvy hears and tells Jessa, and all my friends turn on me again? What if Russell finds out what happened and decides he doesn’t like me anymore?
I tell myself none of that is going to happen. Zoe’s upset, but she’s not vindictive. All I have to do is avoid her until she cools down, and that should be easy if she’s onstage and I’m in the audience. Maybe in a few days, she’ll see how wrong she was to yell at me for being honest about my feelings, and then she’ll apologize, and we can go back to being civil. Maybe we can even go back to being friends.