“I know it is, but the point is you aren’t searching for answers. Your loyalty is still with the club. That’s how you failed with the Riot. They won’t believe anything you say otherwise.”
“Don’t you get it? The reason I haven’t asked is because I haven’t wanted to know the answers. I’m James’s legacy! Who I am with the club—it’s all built upon who he was, and if he was a traitor, what does that make me?”
Violet’s head slowly tilts to the side as she assesses me. “Chevy...” She closes her mouth, opens it again, and a small sound comes from her throat. “Chevy, if the Riot told me my father was a traitor, I’d be devastated. But...” She scratches the back of her head as if she’s struggling to get her thoughts out. “I’m not my dad and neither are you. I’ll be the first to admit that Eli and Cyrus can be dense, but they aren’t going to change how they feel about you if they find out James made mistakes.”
My head falls forward because that’s exactly what I think. “Mom told me things about Dad. She said he knew she was pregnant, but he didn’t want the club to know. She said he told her he was done with the club, that he wanted something different out of life. He was going to take responsibility for me and Mom, but without club involvement.”
“Wanting a different life doesn’t mean he was a traitor.”
“Doesn’t mean he wasn’t, but I’ll tell you what it does mean. If my father did want a different path and it wasn’t the Riot, then what the hell happened? James left town, he went to Louisville, and Eli and Cyrus won’t admit it, but they broke ties with each other. Family means everything to them. If James wanted something different from the club—did the Terror shut him out? I turn eighteen next week and thanks to the wild-card slot there’s still a shot that my team can make it to the play-offs and state. Becoming a prospect will be the final nail in my coffin for playing. If I choose to play football over becoming a prospect, are they going to shut me out? Am I going to lose my family because I’m not exactly like them? Because you’ve said it yourself—they don’t forgive betrayal and will they see my choices as unforgivable?”
She blinks several times and the dawning of understanding on her face guts me open.
“You would prefer to think your father was a traitor and that Cyrus knew and has been lying to you over it rather than to find out that Cyrus cut your father off because he chose not to be part of the club, wouldn’t you?”
My eyes burn and I pivot away from Violet into the dark night, but only a few steps into the woods and I turn back. I can’t walk away from her anymore. I can’t keep running from the truth. I blink away the blurry vision. “Yes.”
Violet places her hand over her heart, then sheds the blanket as she stands. “They love you. I promise, they love you.”
“And they loved James, yet I’m standing here wondering why the hell things fell apart.”
Violet stumbles toward me, and when she falls into my chest, it’s not me catching her, it’s her holding me up. I fold her into me and hang on.
She comforts me. Her hands in my hair, fingertips up and down my back, kisses along my shoulder, along my neck, and whispers of love, as if she comprehends the only thing keeping me sane is her touch.
“I’ve refused choosing because I don’t want to lose anyone I love,” I whisper into her hair. “I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want to lose Mom and I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.” Violet squeezes me tight. “You have me. We’ll figure it out. I promise you we’ll figure it out.”
Violet in my arms is right. Violet holding me is peace. I love her, she loves me, and for the first time, she’s fighting for me...for us. The urge is to keep her close, ignore the rest of the world and stay here forever.
But we can’t. We have to move forward. We have to face the Riot, the Terror and our unsteady future. Violet’s always found a way to plow forward and it’s time for me to learn, like her, how to forge my own path.
“I don’t want you to do the wire,” I whisper into her hair.
“I know,” she says. “But this is how it has to be.”
I’m learning from her and I pray she’s also learned from me. “But not alone. Promise me you’ll keep me in this. Promise me you won’t face any of this alone.”
Violet pulls back and I take her face in my hand, brushing my thumb against her rose-petal skin. The sad softness in her blue eyes almost undoes me completely. “Promise me.”
“I promise I won’t do this alone.”
The pulse thrumming through my veins is full of fear. I lost her once to her grief, came close to losing her again due to the Riot, lost her again last night because of my issues and now I feel like my chances are up. She’s about to walk into the flames of hell. I’ve never felt so helpless.
Either we’ll both walk out of hell still alive or we’re both going down in flames. Either way, we’re doing it together.
“What can I do to help you?” she asks.
There’s nothing she can do. “I want the truth about James and Cyrus and there’s no way to get it.”
Her throat moves as she glances up at me. “Maybe there is a way. You said the Riot mentioned there was a woman...”
I pull Violet back into me, shaken that I had forgotten about the name the detective gave me. There might be a way and I’ll need Violet’s help to see it through. With the gentle way she leans into me, I know when I ask, she’ll say yes.
Violet
THE WAITRESSING STAFF at the only diner in Snowflake doesn’t bother giving Eli a menu or asking for his order. It’s the same, day in and day out: scrambled eggs and bacon. They only ask if he wants coffee or orange juice because they know him so well. Today he wants coffee. I order the blueberry pancakes with two side orders of bacon because odds are I’m going to die when I meet up with the Riot, so I might as well revel in the goodness of bacon and clog up some arteries.
I tap my fingers against the sticky table and stare out the window with my head propped in my hand. Last night, I promised Chevy I wouldn’t handle the Riot on my own and I have every intention of keeping that promise. Detective Barlow is on my side and I’ll let Chevy in on every meeting I have with him, but when push comes to shove, I’m the only one who can meet with the Riot, the only one who can wear a wire.
The only one...
Nausea swirls around in my stomach. Maybe I should have ordered oatmeal again. No, I’m having pancakes because my days may be numbered. I agree with Chevy: if the Riot discover the wire, they will kill me, but at least then the police will have a legit murder charge they can convict them on. I’m bringing down the Riot even if it means doing so with my life.
What no man in the Reign of Terror has had the balls to do, I will. Sometimes it takes a woman to do a job men can’t accomplish.
“Razor gets to see Breanna today. We worked it out with her family.”