“I, um—I went home.”
Fitzroy shook his head. I was perched on the side of the center table of my laboratory, to emulate my throne, while Fitzroy paced, bombarding me with questions. Dagny was grooming her paws beside me, while Naomi stood next to the cabinets, preparing different metal wires for the next round of tests. “If you wanted to sound suspicious, congratulations. Otherwise, no.”
I had listened to Holt’s advice. I’d even considered it, for a moment. Just long enough to confirm that I thought Fitzroy was a person, a good person, and that I could never throw him aside because of something he couldn’t control. I wanted to survive, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice that.
“But it’s the truth,” I said to him now. “I did go home. I left with Naomi.”
She shook her head, not pausing in her work. “I can’t save you from this one, Freya. It did sound suspicious.”
“It’s not what you’re saying,” Fitzroy said. “It’s the way you’re saying it. Like you think your words might be cause for someone to murder you.”
“My words might cause someone to murder me.”
Fitzroy raised his eyebrows at me, trying to look stern.
“Well, how should I answer it, then?” I frowned down at the paper where I’d written all the sample questions and answers we’d practiced so far. Fitzroy’s introduction to Not Getting Ousted was supposed to prevent me from making the same mistakes I’d made the last time someone challenged me, but so far all it had done was reinforce how ill-prepared I was. “If I tell them I ran home to do experiments in my lab, I’ll only discredit myself more. Sten accused me because of my lab.”
“So you can’t hide it,” Naomi said. “You might as well be honest. I think it makes you sound interesting. And intelligent.”
“It makes me sound like not a queen.”
“It’s not the answer they would expect,” Fitzroy said. “But maybe that’s good. You’re not exactly an accomplished liar. And the court likes a bit of novelty. Maybe it would intrigue them.”
“My experiments are not a bit of novelty! They’re important research, and—”
“I know, Freya,” Fitzroy said. “Do you think I’d be here if I didn’t know? But does it matter if people think that? If it’s based on the truth and it makes them like you, then you should use it.” He cleared his throat and stood up straighter, shifting back into the role of interrogator again. “So, Your Majesty. What were you doing on the evening of the banquet? I didn’t see you there.”
“I went home,” I said. “I, uh—I wanted to do an experiment.”
“No.”
“You are not helping.”
“All right,” he said. He stopped in front of me. “Just tell me. Stop worrying about every word, and tell me.”
“But I can’t stop worrying about every word. Isn’t that what this is for? Because my words are useless?”
“You’re smart, Freya. You’re convincing, when you forget to worry. When you’re talking about your experiments, or your theories. Just let yourself speak like that.”
I took a deep breath. Fitzroy never let me feel completely at ease, but at least I could trust him to be honest. His emotions were always so clear around me that I didn’t have to worry about what he might think but not say. I should just address my words to him. “I was inspired at the ball,” I said slowly. “I thought that hairpins might be the key to an experiment I’ve been working on, about—about creating portable, long-lasting heat without flame. To help keep hands warm in the winter. I hurried home to try it, along with Naomi. I was there when I heard the news.”
“It still doesn’t sound very diplomatic,” Fitzroy said. “But it’s much better than before.”
I tugged my fingers through my hair, pulling it half loose from its braid. At least I was making progress. I could do this.
“Did the experiment work?” Fitzroy asked.
“Will that help my defense?”
“I don’t know. I was just wondering. Did it work?”
“No,” I said softly. “No, it didn’t work.” I shook my head and stood, stretching out my shoulders. The pile of papers at the far side of the room caught my eye. Fitzroy had gone to the palace this morning and brought back as many letters as he could carry. The disorganization made my teeth clench. But there was no good way to sort them before reading them all, and I didn’t want to lose time. So the pages were just piled there, to be read in whatever random order Fitzroy had gathered them in.
I’d spent two hours on them already, with Fitzroy and Naomi. We’d found nothing. Fitzroy planned to return to the palace for more papers that night, but I didn’t have time to go through the rest now. I needed to practice, and to prepare. I would be visiting people around the city that afternoon, and trying to convince them I was not as horrible as Sten and the extremists claimed.
There was no realistic way it could go well. But if I dwelled on that, I’d never get out the door. I had practiced my words and my smiles. I could do this.
I walked across the room now, practicing my “regal but welcoming” gait. Dagny leaped from the table to follow, which didn’t really make walking any easier. Fitzroy watched me, but he did not comment, while Naomi worked in the corner, double checking the weights of all her samples.
“Your Majesty?” The brunette guard, Carina, poked her head through the door. “Madeleine Wolff is here to see you.”
“All right,” I said. “Let her in.”
“Freya,” Madeleine said, as she stepped in. “I was told I’d find you here. We need to start getting ready for your outing.” For the first time I could remember, Madeleine was the one who appeared out of place. Her skirt was huge, the silk ruffles skimming the dusty, bloodstained floor. She smiled as she looked around the room, but her posture wasn’t entirely composed. “The old torture chamber is a strange choice.”
“It was the best place for what I needed to do.”
“Not torturing people, I hope. That would be terrible etiquette for a queen.”
“It would be traditional,” Fitzroy said.
“Then I’m glad our queen is not a traditionalist.” Madeleine moved farther into the room, looking over the bottles and vials, the books, Naomi still sorting out the wires. “Naomi,” she said. “What are you doing?”
“We’re going to try placing different metals in arsenic solution,” Naomi said. “Freya thinks it might be a way to detect it—”
“I can’t be certain,” I said. “But I think it’s possible. And we have to try something.”
Madeleine nodded. “You—you’re working on finding the murderer?”
“Among other things.”