Logan Kade (Fallen Crest #5.5)

I had no one to blame, and that was my attitude. I’d chosen this, and every time it happened, I reminded myself that in the long run, it would be worth it. I could still walk, talk, and think. I hadn’t been reduced to a pile of nothing. I would find a way to get stronger, get through this, though I hadn’t known it was possible to feel this alone.

Every time I saw that guarded mask looking my way, I returned the polite greeting, and we moved past each other, like mere acquaintances.

“...you up? If you want.”

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Oh, no. That’s fine. No worries about it.”

“What?” I sat on the edge of my bed with my foot in front of me. I lowered my leg to the floor and sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I was distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”

“Oh.” He was quiet for a beat, then he coughed. “Uh. I was offering to pick you up, and don’tworryI’mpickingupsomeotherstoo. It’s not just you.”

“This is tonight, right?”

“Tonight? Oh, yes. Tonight. Yes.”

“I have a shift at Pete’s Pub today, but I get off early. I can come later?”

“Did you want me to give you a ride?”

“No. That’s okay. I’ll drive over myself.”

“Great. I’ll make sure we stay later, then, till whenever you get there.”

“Okay. Perfect. Thanks for the invite, Jeremy.”

And I did mean it, I realized after signing off and tucking my phone into my pocket.

It was ten in the morning. I did a few warm-up stretches and started off. I could do three miles, shower, and be at work right on time. As I ran, I thought about the phone call. This bowling was the first social event I’d been invited to in the last month. Jason was still gone, and Claire had stopped talking to me. I didn’t know the reason, but I also didn’t have the energy to go and find out. If she stayed away, then she stayed away. She hadn’t reached out after hearing that whatever I’d had with Logan was done either. And I knew she’d heard. Just walking around campus, I overheard stories about him at parties—who he’d hooked up with, who only gave him a blowjob. I’d heard about a few fights, and how he ‘finished’ them. His notoriety hadn’t weakened since our demise. But then again, no one else seemed surprised by the stories. To them, this was the normal Logan. Manwhore. Partier. Fighter. No wonder he was legendary, as he would’ve called himself.

I smiled in spite of myself, thinking about that as I turned down another block of houses. I didn’t notice the guy at first because I was busy realizing it hadn’t hurt as much to think about Logan this time. But then I realized he was near.

His Escalade caught my attention first. Then I saw a guy leaving a house and heading for the street. He moved toward the car, drawing closer as I did the same.

My stomach sank. It was Logan, and as my head turned, he saw me at the same time. His eyes widened before his mask slipped in place in the next instant, but I couldn’t react as quickly as him. My mind was whirling. Logan didn’t live here. Why would he… It clicked then, and I didn’t want to look, but my head moved of its own accord. I stared at the house he’d come from, and I saw a girl there, watching from the window in a skimpy tank top and barely there boy shorts. Seeing me, recognition flooded her eyes, and she disappeared from the window. Her door opened the next second, and she moved out to her front porch, her hands resting on her slim hips.

I came to a stop, not realizing it, until Logan said, “You run?”

“Huh?”

I couldn’t tear my gaze from the girl. She had no bra on. Her shirt fell low between her breasts, and they looked abnormally large on her very tiny body. Pain took my breath. God. I had heard the stories, knew he was sleeping around, but seeing it firsthand, the dam I’d had built to contain it all burst open. It flooded me, and I felt dizzy. I almost didn’t hear his next statement.

“—figures.”

“What?” I pulled out my earbuds, and the music blasted between us. It was jarring, but that went for the whole situation. This wasn’t supposed to be happening.

Logan didn’t even have his shirt on. It was in his hand, and his jeans rode low over his hips. When he realized I was checking him out, a hard look flashed in his eyes before a smirk appeared. He tossed the shirt over his shoulder and transformed into the cocky Logan Kade so many knew.

I saw this fa?ade, but I also saw through it. I saw the sweet Logan. The Logan who took me to sit on top of a roller coaster so I could see one of the most beautiful views in town. I saw the Logan who’d punched my ex-boyfriend, no questions asked. I saw the Logan that liked to make food for his family, and who took me away from one party to show me what a real party was like.

I drew in a shuddering breath.

God.

I looked past the hardened smirk he wore to hurt me. This was the guy who’d brought me back to life. He’d made me feel again, and realizing all of this, tears came to my eyes.

What had I done?

Blood rushed to my face, but somehow it drained from there, too. I was a mess inside because I now knew I’d made the worst mistake of my life.

I’d let him go. Worse, I’d forced him away.