hans vollman
Then, with no change in size at all (i.e., while still child-sized), he displayed his various future-forms (forms he had, alas, never succeeded in attaining): Nervous young man in wedding-coat; Naked husband, wet-groined with recent pleasure; Young father leaping out of bed to light a candle at a child’s cry; Grieving widower, hair gone white; Bent ancient fellow with an ear trumpet, athwart a stump, swatting at flies.
roger bevins iii
All the while seeming quite innocent of these alterations.
hans vollman
Oh, it was nice, he said sadly. So nice there. But we can’t go back. To how we were. All we can do is what we should.
roger bevins iii
Then, drawing a deep breath, closing his eyes—
hans vollman
He went.
roger bevins iii
The lad went.
hans vollman
Never before had Mr. Vollman or I been so proximate to the matterlightblooming phenomenon and its familiar, but always bone-chilling, firesound.
roger bevins iii
The resulting explosion knocked us off our feet.
hans vollman
Squinting up from the floor, we caught a brief last glimpse of the pale baby-face, a pair of anticipation-fisted hands, an arched little back.
roger bevins iii
And he was gone.
hans vollman
His little gray suit lingering behind for the briefest instant.
roger bevins iii
XCII.
I am Willie I am Willie I am even yet Am not
Willie
Not willie but somehow Less
More All is Allowed now All is allowed me now All is allowed lightlightlight me now Getting up out of bed and going down to the party, allowed Candy bees, allowed Chunks of cake, allowed!
Punch (even rum punch), allowed!
Let that band play louder!
Swinging from the chandelier, allowed; floating up to ceiling, allowed; going to window to have a look out, allowed allowed allowed!
Flying out window, allowed, allowed (the entire laughing party of guests happily joining behind me, urging me to please, yes, fly away) (saying oh, he feels much better now, he does not seem sick at all!)!
Whatever that former fellow (willie) had, must now be given back (is given back gladly) as it never was mine (never his) and therefore is not being taken away, not at all!
As I (who was of willie but is no longer (merely) of willie) return To such beauty.
willie lincoln
XCIII.
There in his seat, Mr. Lincoln startled.
roger bevins iii Like a schoolboy jolting suddenly awake in class.
hans vollman
Looked around.
roger bevins iii Momentarily unsure, it seemed, of where he was.
hans vollman
Then got to his feet and made for the door.
roger bevins iii The lad’s departure having set him free.
hans vollman
So quickly did he move that he passed through us before we could step aside.
roger bevins iii And again, briefly, we knew him.
hans vollman
XCIV.
His boy was gone; his boy was no more.
hans vollman
His boy was nowhere; his boy was everywhere.
roger bevins iii
There was nothing here for him now.
hans vollman
His boy was no more here than anyplace else, that is. There was nothing special, anymore, about this place.
roger bevins iii
His continued presence here was wrong; was wallowing.
hans vollman
His having come here at all a detour and a weakness.
roger bevins iii
His mind was freshly inclined toward sorrow; toward the fact that the world was full of sorrow; that everyone labored under some burden of sorrow; that all were suffering; that whatever way one took in this world, one must try to remember that all were suffering (none content; all wronged, neglected, overlooked, misunderstood), and therefore one must do what one could to lighten the load of those with whom one came into contact; that his current state of sorrow was not uniquely his, not at all, but, rather, its like had been felt, would yet be felt, by scores of others, in all times, in every time, and must not be prolonged or exaggerated, because, in this state, he could be of no help to anyone and, given that his position in the world situated him to be either of great help or great harm, it would not do to stay low, if he could help it.
hans vollman
All were in sorrow, or had been, or soon would be.
roger bevins iii
It was the nature of things.
hans vollman
Though on the surface it seemed every person was different, this was not true.
roger bevins iii
At the core of each lay suffering; our eventual end, the many losses we must experience on the way to that end.
hans vollman
We must try to see one another in this way.
roger bevins iii
As suffering, limited beings— hans vollman
Perennially outmatched by circumstance, inadequately endowed with compensatory graces.
roger bevins iii
His sympathy extended to all in this instant, blundering, in its strict logic, across all divides.
hans vollman
He was leaving here broken, awed, humbled, diminished.
roger bevins iii
Ready to believe anything of this world.
hans vollman
Made less rigidly himself through this loss.