Lifeblood (Everlife #2)

No one listens. Once again, strong arms wrap around me. Killian drags me through the crowd. Deacon remains at his side, ensuring no one is able to harm me. Once we clear the room, the boys pick up speed and hurry out of the building, down the steps and to the Gate that leads to Troika.

I stop struggling, knowing I’m not doing anyone any favors. Least of all Levi.

“I wish I could go with you.” Killian reluctantly hands me over to Deacon. He traces his knuckles along my jawline. “After today, I’ll have to go into hiding. I’ll have to find a way into Many Ends from the fringes. But when you’re ready, summon me. I’ll come. I’ll always come. I love you. Never forget.”

My heart squeezes, trapped in a vise-grip, but I’m too broken to respond.

As Deacon ushers me through the Gate, my fingers trail from Killian’s, my gaze staying hooked with his until the last possible second. Then he’s gone, and I’m stepping through the Veil of Wings to enter Troika, where I’m greeted by the same devastation I left.

When will the heartache end?

News of Levi’s death has already spread, everyone Deacon and I pass bawling. Most people knew him as a General, a warrior who helped save spirits and humans alike. An icon. A symbol of Light.

I knew him as a friend.

Hopeful glances find me, and part of me withers. I’m not the answer to their problems. I’m not as strong as I thought I was. I’m just a girl torn and shattered by the ravages of war. I’m the defeated one. The loser. The failure. Abhorred...by myself.

Even as Light shines over me, I am surrounded by darkness.

Love is not the answer

How could anyone believe that

Love empowers!

Hate

Is the true treasure and far better than

Love

Hate allows you to do what’s necessary for victory,

and victory is the source of your happiness.

Never allow yourself to be convinced that

Love is not a weakness

The truth is

Love is an anchor that holds you down

Be wise, and refuse to believe the biggest lie of all:

Love gives you wings and makes you soar.

A woman steps into my path, stopping me. I know her. Brigitte’s mother. Smiling, she grabs my hands; she’s the only bit of happiness amid the gloom. “Thank you. Thank you!”

I simply blink at her.

“Brigitte signed with Troika this morning!”

My brow furrows with confusion. “Why?” I don’t understand. I spoke to her once, only once.

“Whatever you said kept her thinking. She couldn’t escape your words and finally visited a TL stationed in Paris. They spoke at length. She left crying but returned a few hours later to make her pledge.”

“That’s wonderful,” I say, only sounding more depressed.

I pull from her hold, pull from Deacon’s hold and run... I run, and I don’t look back.

*

I end up in the scorched manna fields, my heart pounding. No matter how far I go, I can’t escape my problems.

I stop and press my fists into my temples as I look up at the water-sky and scream. I scream until my lungs empty, and my voice breaks. I scream with all the rage trapped inside me. I scream with agony I’m not sure I’ll survive, and helplessness I despise with every fiber of my being.

We have been knocked down, but we won’t stay down.

Levi’s words are beautiful and uplifting. And yet I still cannot see the Light.

“I fought for what was right, and I failed. Where is my justice?” I shout to no one. To everyone.

“Justice comes, its wings steady and sure.” The soft voice drifts from a room in the Grid. “Though it doesn’t always come on our timetable.”

I close my eyes and see a woman clad in a white robe. She—Princess Mariée—stands in a doorway, regarding me with eyes free of tears but filled with...joy?

“Levi lived a good life,” she says. “He achieved great victories and will enjoy great peace.”

“Agreed, but I can’t see past the sorrow of his loss.”

“Why? He isn’t lost. We know exactly where he is. And one day, we will join him.”

But one day isn’t now. “Why can’t we enjoy peace here? Or, if we must fight, why can’t we fight to free the spirits trapped in Many Ends?” Killian’s proposal—making covenant with each other—burns through my mind. Perhaps it’s our only way in.

“You can’t make peace with a monster. When you try, you only deceive yourself. You leave yourself vulnerable to attack. And there will be attacks. They will be subtle rather than overt, and that is where true danger lies. Victor is the perfect example of this.”

“The monster. You speak of Ambrosine.”

“And those like Victor and Javier, who want nothing to do with the truth.”

“But shouldn’t we try to reach those people? We say we love. So let’s put action to word. Let’s love our enemy and help even those who have hurt us.”

“You’ve seen what happens when we fail.” She spreads her arms wide, whether to indicate the barren field, or the pain arching through the Grid, I’m not sure. “You see here and now. I see the future.”

Does she mean that literally? “Let’s forge a new path,” I say, and my grief begins to lessen, leaving room for determination.

For a long while we simply stare at each other. Then she lifts her hand, a light glowing at the end of her index finger. She traces that finger around each of my eyes, imprinting warmth into my skin, almost as if she’s created an invisible pair of glasses.

“We Troikans are of one body...one heart,” she says. “The Secondking has decided you will be our mouth and speak for us. You will choose who will be released from the Rest.”

“No.” I shake my head. “The decision should not be mine.” The pressure!

“And yet, the decree has been issued. In two days, you will choose.”

“But the people...the Generals. They must be upset about this.”

“Their reaction is not your concern. Go now,” she says. “You have many choices to make. Do what you see is good and right.”

I gulp. “And if I’m wrong?”

“We will all pay the price.”

*

Do what you see is good and right.

What you see.

The words reverberate through my mind as I set a course for the Urals—for my special cave—and summon Killian.

The moment he arrives, he pulls me into his arms. Though we’ve been parted for only a short time, I feel as if forever has passed. I return his embrace with equal fervor.

He lifts my face, his gaze searching. With his thumbs, he caresses the rise of my cheekbones. “There’s still darkness in yer eyes, lass. I much prefer the Light.”

“So much has gone wrong.” I clutch the collar of his shirt. “So many people have died.”

“That is the way of the world.”

“But it shouldn’t have to be.” I rest my head in the hollow of his neck. “I’m supposed to choose who’s released from the Rest. Me alone. But who do I bring back? Archer? My grandmother? Levi? Elizabeth? Another Conduit? I had begun to think the Conduit was the answer, but I think Conduits can be made, like Abrogates.” I haven’t forgotten the spark I shared with Raanan.

“Peace is your goal, lass. Bring back the one who will help you achieve it.”