“Deal with what?” I ask, caught in his rigid stare.
He stops short of the front door, hands plastered on his hips. “Really? You’re going to p-play innocent with me? You forget how well I know you.” He sighs, glancing over at the bushes then back to me. “Listen, Vance. I honestly thought your days of brooding were over. But ever since you saw Ember a few months ago in the bar, you’ve gotten worse. You could’ve gone up to talk to her and you chose not to. You could’ve looked for her after. I just… don’t get it. But three months of your moping is my limit. I’m tapped out.” The dirty look I throw his way doesn’t faze him. “Remember what I said. Either do something about it or let it go.” His eyebrow shoots up. “It’s not like you don’t have choices. Girls crawl all over you. It’s disgusting, really.”
That night in the bar plays on repeat like a fucking movie reel in my mind. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that Ember was at my mother’s funeral and never came over to me. Even Julian didn’t know she was there. Then again, she probably thought I wanted nothing to do with her. I guess my walking away made that pretty clear. Though it was the furthest thing from the truth. There didn’t seem to be any other way.
“Do we have to talk about this shit? How about we go celebrate your birthday?” I grin, and he glares at me before knocking twice.
The door swings open and pint-sized Riley greets us with a toothy grin. “Unca Vance, Unca Vance. Unca Vaaaaaaaance is hewe!”
“Nice,” Chris mumbles. “My own b-brother cares more about you than he does me.”
I clap him on the back, wearing a proud smile. “Oh relax, birthday boy. He fucking sees you all the time.” I smirk. “I’m a novelty.” Then I wink, passing him the flowers. “Hold these, will ya?”
We barely make it into the house before Riley tackles me, almost knocking me over. I pretend to fall back and he giggles. Lifting him in the air, I let him hang there. “Hey, shortstuff. How ya been?”
“Gooooooood.”
“I see you still have your exaggerated vowel tendency.” His button nose scrunches as I blow a giant raspberry against his stomach, complete with sound effects. He squeals before I swing him around then gently set him down on his feet.
“Agaaaaaaaain,” he shouts as he spins in dizzying circles and falls on his tiny behind.
Chris’s mom emerges from the kitchen with a bright smile, wearing the frayed apron Chris made for her in middle school. Her blunt cut bangs highlight her big brown eyes, mouth covered in the same pink lipstick she’s worn for years.
“Happy Birthday, sweetie.” She makes a smacking sound and blows Chris a kiss. “You two are just in time. I made a fresh batch of Chris’s favorite cookies. Would you like some cookies and milk to tide you over?”
Chris leans over and whispers to me. “She still thinks b-because I stutter I’m ten years old.”
“I heard that, Christopher James.”
“Well, Jesus, Mom. C-come on. Milk and cookies? Don’t you have any hair of the dog? It was a long night.”
Little Riley scratches his mop of dark hair and those big blue eyes turn inward. “We don’t have a haiwy dog, Chwissy.” He yanks on Mrs. Raven’s skirt. “Mommy, can we get a haiwy dog?”
“Come here, you.” I waggle my finger and Riley edges closer with big, excited eyes.
“Do you have a secwet Unca?”
I squat down, lowering myself to his level. “I was thinking maybe this week I could take you into the city. We can go to the toy store and you can pick out a new superhero for your collection.”
The giant smile on his face tugs at my heart. “Yes!”
“Okay.” I muss his floppy hair. “I’ll talk to your mom and we’ll pick a day.”
“Yipeeeeeeee.”
As I push to my feet, Chris gestures to the flowers in his hand. I take them, and catch a faint sigh drifting over from his mom. Given that I used to bring flowers to my own mother, this is as much for me as it is for her. “These are for you, Mrs. Raven.”
She closes her fingers around the crinkled tissue paper, her round cheeks glowing. “So formal, Vance. You know we don’t do formal here.” She opens her arms wide. “Get over here and give me a hug this instant.”
The sweet smell of vanilla bombards me as I walk into her embrace. It takes me back to those days after school, when Julian and I would blast into the house to find Mom in the kitchen baking her all-natural cakes. Her arms are suddenly too tight around me, squeezing the spot inside my chest that is still raw. But whether I want to admit it or not, I need this. So I relax into her and let her carry me for a few precious seconds.
“Okay.” She grips my shoulders and steps back. “Now let me see these flowers.” She brings them to her nose and inhales. “These are beauties. Thank you, Vance. I’m going to put them in water.” Her gaze roams to the flight of stairs. “Dan, pry yourself away from those video games,” she calls out. “The boys are here.”