Life In Reverse

I turn my head toward him. “How so?”

His jaw works back and forth, fingers clamped onto the steering wheel. “He’s forgotten all about my mother. It’s like… he’s gone on with his life. He hardly ever goes to see her anymore and it pisses me the fuck off. I realize we’re much further from Winston now, but if I can manage it—”

“That’s where you moved from?”

“Yeah. And I saw her every day. Sometimes, more than once. We were only a few blocks away from Ridgecrest.”

“So why didn’t you stay there?”

His loud exhale fills the car. “In a nutshell, I was short on money and didn’t anticipate having such a hard time finding a job after I graduated from University of Portland. Especially with a degree in Computer Science.”

“I’m sorry.” I stuff my hands under my thighs because they want to wander over to his side again. I can’t seem to keep them under control around him.

His shoulders wilt and his head dips down. “Yeah. Me too.”

“University of Portland is a great school, though. I went to Oregon State and majored in Fine Arts. Still, I don’t think anyone really prepares us for how challenging it is once you get into the real world. Of course,” I joke, “I haven’t quite entered it, since I’m still living at home.” I wait for Vance to make a smart comeback but he’s almost too quiet. Anxious to shift his mood, I opt for a change of subject. “I like your brother. He seems sweet.”

“Yes.” He laughs, the sound filled with adoration. “Everyone loves Julian. He spreads charm wherever he goes.”

“I think he’s already charmed my sister.”

“But not you?” He flashes me a sideways glance.

“I’m not easily charmed.”

He rubs the stubble on his jaw, appearing to ponder this before he simply asks me. “Why not?”

My answer is a shrug that he can’t see. “Just not interested, I guess.”

“So.” He hedges. “No boyfriend?”

“Nope.”

“Are you into girls?” he probes, and I don’t know why this topic is important to him. It rates very low on my priority scale.

“Why do I have to be into anything?” I exhale my frustration with a nervous laugh. “If you must know, my last boyfriend was about two years ago,” I admit. And instead of dropping it, he digs further.

“What happened?”

“It’s simple.” I reach out and twirl the rabbit’s foot between my fingers. “He ended things because when Zack died… I… I couldn’t give him the attention he wanted. I was having a really hard time and needed to focus on me and my family… and that didn’t work for him.”

“He sounds like an asshole.”

Regret over my poor judgment makes me want to shrink into myself and I scoot down on the seat. “He came from a very affluent family and thought he was entitled to the world.”

This time, his tone carries more anger. “In other words, he was an asshole.”

“Pretty much.” I press my lips together, glad he doesn’t comment further on my misguided choice. “So what about you? Girlfriend?”

“Nope.” He places particular emphasis on the P as if my question amuses him.

“Why not?”

“I like my space and I like distance. Girls always want to ignore that. I’ve…,” he hesitates as if weighing his words carefully, “been with girls. But I don’t date.” I won’t bother asking him how many girls he’s been with—one look at him and I’m sure I know the answer to that—dozens.

My phone rings and I lean down to fish it out of my bag. I slide to unlock it and barely get a “hello” out before Avery’s voice booms in my ear. It’s so blaring, Vance looks over, eyes wide. “Where the hell are you? Do you realize no one has heard from you all day? Did it occur to you that I or someone else close to you might be worried? Troy said he left you two voicemails but you didn’t call him back, and that you were supposed to meet him for dinner. Did you forget?”

I flinch at the last question because I did forget and that’s not like me. “That’s four questions. Which one would you like me to answer first?”

“Quit being a smart-ass.” She huffs her frustration into my ear. “What’s gotten into you anyway?” Then her tone drops significantly. “Are you okay? I was worried.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just so you know, I left Mom a message.”

I hear cabinets opening and closing in the background. “Well, she isn’t home.”

“I’m sorry, Ave. I didn’t mean to worry you. Vance ran into some car trouble and—”

“Wait,” she interrupts, her pitch suddenly more upbeat. “Vance is with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then.” She calms down and her tune changes. “As long as I know you’re fine. Take your time.”

Vance’s gaze is heavy on my face and my cheeks warm. “Hold on.” I cover the phone while trying to keep my lips from tipping up. “Pay attention to the road so we can get home in one piece.”

He grins as if he knows we’re talking about him. “Traffic is stopped here, sweetheart. Nowhere to go.”

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