“That’s so sad.” Her voice is a compassioned whisper and I try to ignore how it softens me in some way, needing to build up strength for what’s to come.
Before we enter Mom’s room, Ember hands me the flowers I didn’t notice she was holding. I walk in first. The curtains are drawn, bright sunlight bouncing off the yellow walls. My mother sits in her chair by the window, as always, but her eyes are elsewhere. She stares at the painting she did of me and Julian when we were ten. A tiny morsel of hope crops up in my chest. It dies off quickly when she shifts in her chair, startled, and faces me with a blank expression.
“Oh, hello. My, what pretty flowers.”
The hole in my stomach grows though I smile wide. “Hi Maggie. It’s Vance, and this is—”
“Clara?” My mother squints at Ember then blinks. “I can’t believe it. It’s been… years.” The emptiness in her eyes is replaced by a fondness I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m about to say something when my mother speaks again. “Come sit by me, Clara.” She pats the bed directly beside her chair and Ember sits down. I set the flowers on the table and lean my hip against the wall. Suddenly, it’s like I’m an outsider in my own life.
My mom tilts her head, her recently brushed hair resting against her fuzzy pink robe. With her hands intertwined in her lap, she surveys Ember. Warmth wrinkles the corners of her eyes and mouth. In this moment, she appears so young, so innocent. So… not ill, and warmth spreads through my chest. “The dance, right?” Mom stares at Ember and Ember nods. “I was wearing….” She pauses for several minutes, her cheeks lifting and contorting in thought. But then her smile fades and a tear slips from her eye. “I can’t… I don’t—”
My jaw ticks and I push off from the wall, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around my mother—to take away all her suffering—to bring back her memory. Ember’s voice stops me cold.
“I remember.” She places her youthful hands over Mom’s rapidly aging ones. “You were wearing that blue taffeta dress that crinkled as you walked.” Ember lets out a small laugh. “You thought it was so loud.” She continues as something jolts my heart and I back up, bumping into the wall. “You had your hair in a twist and you were wearing your favorite bright red lipstick that made your eyes pop.” My mother nods, a nostalgic smile curving her mouth as she stares down at her lap. “You looked so beautiful, and when you were dancing, no one could take their eyes off of you.” My mother’s smile grows as she holds onto Ember’s every word. “You’re still beautiful, Maggie.”
A tear spills from my eye and runs down my cheek. I don’t bother trying to push it away. I wonder who this girl is. If somehow she’s an angel that’s been sent here—which is crazy-thinking for someone like me. Yet a bandage rests over a sliver of my heart, seeing the joy on my mother’s face. Even if it is from a made-up memory. It’s something she can hold on to. Even though it only brings her joy in this moment, and in the next it’s forgotten.
My mother coughs then clears her throat, lifting her gaze to mine. “Would you mind getting me some water?”
“Sure.”
I leave for a minute and come back with a cup of water to a room filled with laughter. The kind where old friends share secrets of days gone by. It stops me again, because I can’t remember the last time I heard my mom laugh. I wish I could bottle that sound for later, when the silence is too much to bear.
Ember turns her head and our eyes meet. Hers are teeming with a hundred smiles and I only hope mine convey my absolute gratitude for what she’s doing for my mother.
When their laughter settles down, I sit on the bed next to Ember. “Would you like me to read you some poetry, Maggie?”
“Yes. That would be wonderful.”
For the next hour, I read from one of her favorite poetry books—a collection by E.E. Cummings. When my voice gets hoarse, Ember takes over and reads to Mom until she yawns and her eyelids become heavy. Ember glances over to me as she closes the book. I stand up and she follows suit. “We should probably go and let you get some rest now.”
“Yes, I am feeling very tired. I’d like to close my eyes for a bit.”
I lean down to kiss her cheek and Ember surprises me when she bends to give my mother a hug.
“It was great to see you, Maggie.” She straightens and my mother grabs her hand, embracing it between her own.
“Please come again soon, Clara.” She looks from Ember to me. “I’m sorry. What did you say your name was?”
I swallow down the hurt that threatens to surface. “It’s Vance.”
“So long, Vance.”
Every time I leave here, I’m numb. Hollow. Not today. Today, I got to see my mother experience joy. I got to hear her laugh. Ember did that.