The mood at the table dipped and everyone was quiet until Rome suddenly leaned forward and poked the end of his fork in my direction. “That’s bull …” His eyes darted down to his daughter and then back up to me. “That’s a lame excuse to keep from putting yourself out there, man. I got hurt at home and it had nothing to do with my very dangerous job. Shaw got hurt and she’s never so much as killed a spider. Royal’s laid up right now with a busted wing because some kid was texting and driving … and Rem,” he shook his head sadly. “That was an accident, too. Bad stuff happens sometimes and it happens to people we care about. You can’t live life insulated because you are scared of getting too close. Ask my idiot brother over there how well that worked out for him.”
It was pretty much the same lecture my mom had given me about not letting the fear win, only given in a much more authoritarian and no-nonsense way.
Rule nodded in agreement and leaned over to kiss his wife on the temple. “I told myself I was happy, told myself I was fine. If I didn’t let anyone in, then there was no chance of being hurt, but there also wasn’t the chance of feeling all the good stuff that someone special can bring with them either. There was nobody to love, no one to push me to make me better. There was just me screwing everything up over and over again. That’s a pretty lonely existence, dude, and one I know my brother wouldn’t have wanted for you.”
Those were some pretty big guns Rule was pulling out because we all knew that all Remy had wanted was for me, for all of us, to have the best life we possibly could. That’s why he was willing to give me up. He knew I needed someone who could be with me fully; who could love me out in the open without shame or regret or any kind of excuses. Someone like Dominic.
I groaned a little and gave him a hard look. “You play dirty.”
Shaw laughed. “He does and it usually works.”
Rome nodded and stabbed at something on his plate. “Seriously, when you’re with someone who has a dangerous job you become the something that makes them remember to be extra careful while they’re out there doing what they have to do. You give them a reason to stay hyper-focused and you remind them every day what they have to lose. You give them something to come home to and that matters.” I was sure he was speaking from experience. He had spent a long time enlisted in the army and, I was sure, had seen a lot of young men eager to get back to their families stateside.
Was that enough? Remy hadn’t loved me enough or himself enough to come out and be with me the way I needed him to be. It hadn’t been enough. Could letting myself love Dom, going all in with him so that he had a reason to be extra careful, a motive to try and stay as safe as possible, be enough to hold us together?
I didn’t have the answer, but I knew without a question that my doubt, my hesitation, and misgivings were absolutely strong enough and powerful enough to pull us apart if I let them.
Chapter 11
Dominic
No one would ever call me a romantic.
It wasn’t in my nature to plan occasions or to try and capture a moment with someone else. I was too practical for any of that mushy stuff. Well, I was before a certain adorable ginger had invaded my life and most of my waking thoughts.
“What is all this?” Orlando’s tone was soft and slightly startled as I opened the door and ushered him into my apartment.
“All this” was me needing a moment, needing an occasion and wanting to share that with a specific someone: him.
I had cleaned my place up, like really cleaned, not just tidied it up like I usually did when he was over. I also called my mom and asked her how to make her lasagna that I loved. I think she went into shock before telling me to just sit tight because she would just come over and walk me through it. I rarely cooked and I never cooked for someone else. Luckily my mother had been married to a cop long enough that she had pretty good powers of deduction. When she showed up she not only had groceries but everything I would need to make the tiny dining room table off my galley kitchen look presentable. I did not shop at IKEA so believe me when I say the area needed all the help I could give it.