I looked to Nas, and she returned my sad look. I hoped Alessio would give Cora a chance.
After all, time healed all wounds. Or so they said.
Chapter FortyNine
Nastasia
I stood by the windowsill looking out at the moon, lost in thought. Dressed in the black and red kimono Vik had bought me, my gut clenched from nerves.
It was time.
I turned to where he lay on my bed, naked as the day he was born, and reached up to grasp the gold cross hanging around my neck—another gift from Vik— before I swallowed hard and spoke quietly, “Vik…honey…I need you to do something for me, okay? No questions. I just need you to do it.”
His face turned up to look at me and he frowned. “For you, baby? Anything.”
And he meant it too.
Goddamn it.
My lips quivered. I took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. “I need you to go home.” The first of my tears fell and I inhaled brokenly. “I need you to go home and not come back here, okay?” My chin dipped and my arms tightened around myself. “It needs to be you. You have to leave. Because I’ll keep doing this.” I averted my eyes when I looked up again. “Because I’ll keep loving you, and I can’t do it anymore.” I swallowed hard, swiping at the tears on my cheeks, and tried to pull off calm. “So you need to go.” When he made no move to leave, my face crumbled and I begged through a whisper, “Please.”
There it was, out in the open, and I was shocked by how shitty it felt. There was no relief, no weight off my shoulders. If anything, the weight had tripled.
I was losing myself.
He blinked at me a long moment before he sat up. “What are you talking about, baby?” He held his arms out and my heart cried out to be wrapped up in them. “Come back to bed,” he uttered.
I shook my head. “No.” My voice was rougher than I wanted it to be.
I walked over to the bed, sitting with my thigh grazing his. I looked him in the eye and uttered the words I dreaded to say. “Tell me you love you, Vik.” My hand shot out to grip his and I almost pled, “Just tell me you love me.”
His thumb grazed mine for a long moment before he muttered, “What’s this all about?”
At my silence, he asked, “For real, baby? You gonna let me go? Just like that?” His brow furrowed in confusion.
I understood the confusion. I’d never done this before. I wasn’t a drama queen, and I never demanded anything from Viktor Nikulin.
He was my heart and soul, and I loved him with everything I had, but I was officially worn out by our non-relationship. I wanted more. I needed more.
It was all or nothing.
My face impassive, I stated, “I can’t do this anymore, Vik. I can’t be the woman you call at three a.m. for a nightly booty call. I deserve better, like a man who isn’t afraid of loving a woman.” I shook my head. “I don’t understand you. One minute, you’re hot, and the next, you’re cold.” My voice shook. “I’m almost thirty years old. I can’t wait forever.”
His arms came around me. He pulled me close and I let him. He lifted me onto his lap, wrapped me up tight, and held me close when he stated, “I want you to think on this, okay? Don’t make any rash decisions. Just…just think on it. And if this is what you really want in the morning, I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. Deal?”
One more night.
Holding onto him, I nodded against his chest.
My heart broke at that very moment.
Come morning, we both knew what my decision would be.
Chapter Fifty
Lev
“Have you decided?” I asked as I approached my mouse from behind, watching her scroll restlessly through charity websites.
With her fist under her chin, she grunted, “No.” Then she sighed. “There’s too many of them. I have no idea how to decide which are worthy enough to donate to.”