‘It wasn’t like that,’ he said again.
‘Funny how it was just the same with Kate. She preferred your brother too. She actually wanted to sleep with him. He didn’t have to force her.’
His face was slack. ‘Did she – did she talk to you about it?’
‘She did,’ I said, for the pleasure of watching the fear sink into his bones. I wasn’t going to tell him that she hadn’t said enough, that I hadn’t pressed her hard enough, that he was going to get away with it after all …
I changed tack. ‘Did you know that Kate was blackmailing Eleanor?’
‘How did you— did she tell you that?’ Too casual, the panic leaking through the very lack of interest he was evincing.
‘There were plenty of clues. Plenty of evidence of lots of things.’ I considered him for a long moment. ‘Eleanor asked you to warn Kate off.’
‘What?’
‘You went around to scare her and you got carried away. You decided to teach her a lesson. Make her respect you. Take you seriously. You wanted her to realise that she’d picked the wrong brother even though – what was it you said? – you have no job prospects and no income, living in your dear brother’s house, one step away from being on the streets.’
Morgan looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. ‘Shut your mouth.’
‘I’m only repeating what you said. There’s no loathing like self-loathing, is there, Morgan? I bet you’d do almost anything to prove that you’re still a real man.’
‘God, I’d like to show you—’ He cut himself off, shaking his head. ‘You’re good, aren’t you.’
‘So they say.’
‘Things got a little crazy. With Kate.’ He shrugged. ‘If she’d been that bothered, she would have called the cops.’
‘But she couldn’t, could she? Not when you’d have told us she was blackmailing Eleanor.’
‘Eleanor wouldn’t have let me do that.’
‘But Kate didn’t know that. She couldn’t take the risk.’
‘That was her problem. Her choice.’ Morgan smiled, in control of himself once again. ‘You know, I like women. I even like them when they’re doing their best to piss me off.’ To make absolutely sure I knew he meant me, he winked. I fought the urge to peel his eyelids off his face.
‘I’m just doing my job.’
‘Why do you have to go on harassing us? What’s in it for you?’
‘The truth. That’s all I want.’
‘And you think Bethany can help you?’
‘I know she can. I know she saw William Turner yesterday. I need to know what she told him. There’ll be an inquest, you know. It’s not me being curious for the sake of it. I need to know what sent Turner down to Hampshire, so whatever Bethany said to him is relevant. If I can talk to her now, it might save her from having to give evidence in front of the coroner.’
He thought about it for longer than I would have liked, weighing it up. ‘I don’t know what Ollie would say. I should call him.’
‘OK. Call him if you don’t trust your own judgement. And find out where he is, would you? He’s next on my list.’
‘It’s not that I don’t trust my own judgement,’ Morgan snapped.
‘Right.’ I leaned against the wall and took out my phone, idly skimming through the messages. ‘Let me know when he’s told you what to do. I mean, he left you in charge, but we both know that doesn’t mean he trusts you.’
Morgan leaned in, dropping his voice so only I could hear him. ‘Did they teach you how to be a manipulative bitch during your training or does it come naturally?’
‘A bit of both.’ I glanced up at him. ‘So? Yes or no?’
36
Bethany was staring out of the window at the jumble of rooftops outside that was pure London, grey and featureless with the occasional surprising flash of green leaves. She must have heard me come in but she didn’t look around straight away. When she did, and saw me, she flinched.
‘Hi.’ I stayed at the end of the bed. ‘You look better.’
‘Thanks.’ It was a whisper.
‘How’s the food?’
She shrugged. In fact, she didn’t look as if she’d been eating much of it. I put a paper bag on the blanket near her feet.
‘I brought you some snacks. In case.’
A nod.
‘Are they looking after you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘They told me you haven’t said much about why you’re here.’
She went back to looking out of the window. She looked older, all of a sudden, in part because she was thinner. The childishness had gone from her face, now that her cheeks were hollow and blue shadows streaked the skin under her eyes. I wanted to give her a hug and I had to keep my distance.
‘You almost died, Bethany. I was there. I know you were determined to go through with it, and I want to know why.’
She shook her head.
‘Was it because of Chloe?’
Nothing. No response.
‘You asked me if I knew the bible. I looked it up – the things you said to me on the railway embankment. “For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me.” Psalm fifty-one. It’s about forgiveness for a broken and contrite heart. “For you will not delight in sacrifice or I would give it.” There’s no bigger sacrifice than killing yourself though, is there?’
A tiny shrug.
‘Isn’t it a sin, to think of it?’
The corners of her mouth turned down, holding back tears.
‘You said I didn’t know what you were,’ I said.
‘You don’t.’
‘What are you? Tell me.’
‘Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me.’ The bitterness in her voice made me wince, and I knew immediately what she meant, and what she’d meant on the embankment. Blood guilt.
‘Oh, Bethany. It’s not your fault.’
‘I’m a child of sin. My mother—’ she broke off, screwing her eyes shut.
‘Your mother loves you. And so does your father.’
‘He’s not my father.’
‘He is in every way that matters,’ I said. ‘He’s always loved you.’
‘Only because he thinks I’m a miracle.’ She shook her head. ‘How could she lie to him? To me?’
‘How did you find out? Did your mother tell you?’
‘No. She has no idea I know, even.’ Panic flared in her eyes. ‘Don’t tell her.’
‘I won’t. But I think you should talk to her about it. Give her a chance to explain.’
‘Explain what? That I was born because of a sinful act? That my whole life has been a lie?’
‘I’m sure that’s not how she sees it. And it’s not how I see it either.’ I waited a beat. ‘So your mum didn’t tell you, and your dad doesn’t know. Who else knew? Who told you?’
She looked down at her hands, not answering.
‘Was it Kate?’
Absolute shock. ‘How did you know?’
‘Lucky guess.’ I was surprised by how angry I felt with Kate. She must have known it would shatter Bethany’s world and she hadn’t cared. Selfish, entitled, vindictive woman …
Bethany saw the look on my face. ‘She didn’t mean to tell me. It just came out.’
‘That’s a hell of a thing to say by accident.’
‘She was angry with me. I was shouting at her and she shouted back.’