“Wait—what was that last part?”
I smile at the shock stretched across his face, but it fades as I remember my time with Gus in that horrible hallway.
“He stopped breathing at one point, and it was the only way to bring him back. I wasn’t sure what would happen. But nothing did. Nothing changed the entire time we were together. If anything, he mostly tried to convince me that you and I were going to be okay.”
“You didn’t think we would be?”
I sigh. “I didn’t know what to think. Breaking our bond was very . . . confusing. It didn’t take my memories of you. But it stripped away all the feelings.”
He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, they’re glassy.
“Okay,” he says. “I understand.”
“No. You don’t.” I reach up to cradle his cheek with my hand. “The feelings started coming back as soon as I saw you. Why else do you think I . . . ?”
A few tears spill out of his eyes, trickling over my fingers.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “Please don’t be sad.”
“I’m not,” he promises. “Not if there’s any chance you can love me again. All I need is a chance.”
“You have more than a chance, Vane.”
I pull his face closer.
Then closer still.
Our breath mingles, so warm and sweet in the cooling air.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he whispers.
“Yes.” The rightness of the word feels like the song of a steady Easterly, grounding me in who I am.
“Is it what you want?” I ask.
“Are you kidding? But I feel like I should wait to make it more special this time—or at least until we’re somewhere a bunch of people didn’t just die. Maybe even take you on a real date first—have we ever actually done that? I guess that day at In-N-Out sorta counts.”
“Of course it counts.” I smile at the memory.
That was the day Vane showed me how to live for myself—how to take what I needed and not feel any remorse. And since I’m starting to feel like I might actually lose my mind if he holds back any longer, I decide to take the decision away from him.
“I love you,” I whisper, bringing my other hand to his face. “That’s all that matters.”
I wait long enough for him to say, “I love you, too.”
Then I pull his lips to mine and kiss him like it’s the first, last, and only time.
CHAPTER 47
VANE
Okay, I thought I knew what it felt like to kiss Audra.
I thought I’d replayed all the details so many times over the last few weeks that I was ready for the soft silkiness of her lips and the sugary taste of her mouth and the dizzying rush of heat as a new bond unites us.
But either that old cliché about absence making the heart grow fonder really is true—or she’s been holding out on me.
Because seriously: damn.
She nearly pulls me over.
We both stumble a few steps before her back finds the crooked tree, and she deepens the kiss and pulls me against her. Every doubt and worry I’ve ever felt seems to crumble at her touch, and it’s overwhelming how much strength and courage and devotion she shares with me as we connect.
I hope whatever she takes from my essence gives her the peace and happiness she deserves. I’d do anything to blot out whatever darkness her days with Raiden might’ve left behind.
She breaks away for a breath, and I kiss along her jaw, then up and down her neck, until I find a spot right below her ear that makes her tremble every time I press my lips there.
Her hands trail down my arms and make their way to my waist, slipping under my shirt and tracing across the lower part of my stomach. The sensation makes me shiver, and I’m tempted to do the same to her, but I’m afraid I might brush across more injuries. So I keep one hand on the side of her face and the other buried in the long, wild strands of her hair.
It’s such a gift to feel her this way—free of all the burdens she’s always forced herself to carry. Surrendering everything.
As I kiss my way back to her mouth, I promise her I’ll do anything in my power to keep her this happy and strong and brave.
I have absolutely no idea how many times Aston clears his throat before we notice, but when we finally pull apart we have quite the audience.
Solana’s redder than I’ve ever seen her, and Os looks like he’s ready to punch a few puppies. Aston’s smirk is equal parts I told you so and Get a room. And then there’s Arella who looks—
You know what?
I really don’t want to think about the look on my girlfriend’s mother’s face after she’s caught us making out. Especially since that mother is a psychopath—or is it a sociopath?
“Well now,” Aston says, “clearly we’ve settled the who-will-be-bonding-with-whom question—and just in time, since our boy could probably use a little Easterly influence for this showdown with Raiden. Might take the edge off the whole violence aversion.”
I actually hadn’t thought about that, but he’s right.