I relaxed, and Cobalt reared up with a growl of impatience, bursting through my skin. Wings and tail uncurled, feeling like they’d been crushed and flattened for far too long, and the rush of fire through my veins made the air around me shimmer with heat. Settling on all fours, talons digging into the soft wood, I raised my head and looked for Ember.
Ember met my gaze, eyes dilating as we stared at each other, both in our real forms at last. The heat in my veins didn’t die down but flared higher, consuming and powerful. Everything faded away, until she was the only thing I could see. I was filled with the urge to lope forward, cover the space between us in a few strides and pounce on the red dragon, driving us both to the ground. Where wings and tails and breath would intertwine in the hay, and our combined heat would rise up and spread through our veins until it consumed us both.
Swallowing a growl, I controlled my basest instincts and stalked forward, forcing myself to move slowly and not bound over the straw to get to her. “All right,” I said when I was about a lunge away. “Here we are. What was so important that you needed to tell me like this?”
“Cobalt.” She paused, as if gathering her courage. For a moment, I sensed a terrible struggle within; her talons sank into the floor planks as if she were teetering on the edge of something huge and had to force herself to go on. “I need you...to let me go.”
I snorted. “I’ve never been able to stop you, Firebrand,” I told her. “I knew St. George would probably try to warn the Order sooner or later. I just wish you weren’t going with him.”
“No.” Her voice was a whisper. “That’s not what I meant.” She looked away, her eyes distant and shadowed. “I wasn’t talking about what happened with me and Garret today. It’s more than that. I mean...” She hesitated, not meeting my gaze, then took a deep breath. “Cobalt, I don’t want you to wait for me any longer. I don’t... I don’t want to be your Sallith’tahn.”
For a moment, the world seemed to stop. I stared at her, the last statement echoing all the way to my soul. “What?” I finally asked, and my voice sounded hollow in my ears. Ember closed her eyes.
“We were wrong,” she said, and though the words trembled, her expression was firm. Her eyes opened, piercing and intense, gazing up at me. “Talon was wrong. Dragons can love. We are quite capable of every emotion the organization has tried to stomp out. But Talon has told us we can’t feel human emotion for so long it’s become truth. And we’ve become sort of fractured because of it.
“I love Garret,” Ember said quietly. With a start, I realized I had never heard those words from her in dragon form. “I know we’re supposed to be life-mates, Cobalt, and I’m so sorry, but I don’t...” She faltered again, looking at the ground. “I don’t...”
“You don’t love me,” I finished for her, and she flinched as if I’d struck a physical blow. “I never asked you to, Ember.”
“I know,” she murmured. “But we can’t move on, any of us, with the Sallith’tahn hanging over our heads. I need you to let me go, Cobalt. I don’t want you to be waiting for Garret to die so we can be together. That’s not fair, to you or to me.”
“I’m a dragon, Firebrand,” I said flatly, trying not to let the anguish I was feeling bubble to the surface. “A human lifespan is nothing. I can be patient.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want you to,” she said, a little more forcefully. “I don’t want to be with someone because of instinct.”
I growled, feeling desperation rise up to swirl with the despair. “You said dragons can love like humans, that it’s a part of us. Well, so is the Sallith’tahn. If you deny it, you’re denying a part of who you are.”
“Cobalt.” Ember stepped forward, coming very close. I looked down and saw my reflection in her brilliant green eyes, felt the heat pulsing between us. She held my gaze a moment, then asked, very softly, “Do you love me?”
“I...” Taken aback, I staggered away from her, mind spinning. She waited, her gaze never leaving mine. “That’s not something you can just drop on me, Firebrand.”
“I know.” Ember’s voice was gentle. “But... I need more than the Sallith’tahn, Cobalt. If I have to choose between instinct and love, I’m going to go with love. That’s my choice, and I can’t be with someone who can’t return my feelings. So, I have to know. For both our sakes. Do you love me?”
“I... I...don’t know,” I stammered. “That’s not something I have much experience with, Ember. Hell, I spent my whole life thinking that dragons can’t feel that human crap. That it wasn’t something we could do.” I sighed, putting a talon over my eyes, resisting the urge to dig my claws into my skull. “I don’t know what you want from me,” I growled. “I would give you everything, but I don’t know if I can...feel that way.” Raising my head, I glared at her. “Just because you say dragons can love doesn’t mean I know what the fuck it’s supposed to feel like. Is wanting to be with you not enough? Is accepting you as my Sallith’tahn, the dragon I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life, different than the human’s idea of love? I don’t know. Hell, maybe this is love, after all. Maybe...” I faltered and had to sit down for a moment. “Maybe I do.”
Ember squeezed her eyes shut. “When you’re sure,” she whispered, her voice strangely thick, like she was holding back tears, “when you figure it out, come find me again. But for now, please accept that I love Garret, and I don’t want the Sallith’tahn coming between us.” Opening her eyes, she met my gaze without hesitation or doubt. “I want you to move on, Riley,” she said. “Find someone else who is worthy of you. Who can give you their whole heart. You deserve it. And I...can’t give you that. I’m sorry.”
Numb, I took a step back. I thought I would be furious, maybe homicidal. I thought I would want to find a certain human, blast him to cinders and scatter his remains across a hundred acres of nothing. I thought I might want to snarl profanities at Ember, the soldier and the whole damn world. But right then, I just felt hollow. Empty. Like someone had carved a hole in my stomach and there was nothing left but a vast, yawning pit.
Ember, watching me closely, swallowed hard at my silence. “Riley...”
“Is that all?” My voice came out flat, and she winced. “Are we done here?”
Ember bowed her head. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I guess we are.”
Spinning around, I strode back to where I’d left my clothes on the hay bales by the door. Not caring what Ember thought at the moment, I Shifted to human form and began pulling them on, feeling the dragon’s sorrowful gaze on my back. And though the vindictive side of me rejoiced at her grief, wanting her to feel the same pain, I knew I couldn’t leave it like this. If she went into St. George territory with the soldier and never returned, the guilt would kill me.