I’m a state. But we’re alive.
I turn back toward Ash and Leo, wading through thick ocean until I’m back on the wet sand. The closer I get, the harder my heart thwacks against my rib cage, pressure building until it surges up to press behind my eyes. I’m numb to heat, my legs full of rocks and rubble, trudging ever-closer to my reason for fighting through.
The pressure turns hot and wet, throbbing for a release I can’t fathom. But when I’m standing over Ash and Leo, it all seems so simple. So obvious.
The tears come crashing down my cheeks, and then the bitter little fuckers just won’t quit.
Ash rolls off Leo and throws himself at my legs. I rub his head as I sink down to my Leo, who shudders, wide-eyed, the wound on her thigh caked with crimson sand. My hands tremble when I lean over to undo her gag; she begins to weep. My tears drip down in erratic bursts, mingling with hers in the welt of her collarbone. Strange alchemy there. I hope she feels it.
Her gag comes free. She spits and coughs. Brings a cuffed hand up to my face and runs her fingers through the tracks of my tears.
“He’s gone,” I grind out to both of them. “He’s gone now. It’s all over.”
We crumble in on each other, shuddering beneath the weight of the setting sun.
“I’m sorry,” I say over and over. “I’m so sorry.”
You have to understand, grasshoppers, that I’m no better a man than I was a week ago. But I’m sorry I failed them. It should never have come to this, and who has paid for it? Some scars will never knit entirely; some damage can be covered, but never truly healed. This is my family—not a bunch of broken toys, destined for the garbage heap or the hands of a careless new owner.
A moment later, Ethan drops to his knees beside us. Ash clambers into his arms, and then Ethan looks away, his expression tight and vague.
“I’m sorry I let him take you, buddy,” he says quietly.
“I knifed him good and proper, though,” Ash says between sobs. “I got him down for you. I did good, right?”
Ethan gapes at me, speechless.
“Yes.” I peel him up a little, catch his gaze with mine. “You saved us all, Ash. Do you understand that?”
He licks dry lips, and then his stomach groans loudly. Ethan manages a chuckle before drawing him back in for a hug.
I turn back to Leo and scoop her against me, so her head lands limply on my shoulder. She’s so cold.
“He’s dead,” I whisper. The sweetest words I’ll ever gift her, and they’re equally as macabre.
She lets out a shivering breath. “Promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to…ah.” I press a hard kiss to her matted hair. “I should’ve listened to you.”
There’s not an inch of Lore in you. You’re all heart. What the fuck did he mean by that?
“It doesn’t matter,” she murmurs, her voice somewhere far away.
“Help’s coming. We’ll get you warmer, get you fixed up…” She’s butt naked; I don’t know why this didn’t hit me sooner, but everyone else will be able to see. “We’ll get you some clothes.”
“I just want to sleep.”
“Soon, sweetheart.” I kiss her hair again. “I promise that, too.”
Heavy footsteps grind into the sand; a bulky shadow falls over us, muttering into a radio in an American accent.
“Get your medic on standby,” he says into the receiver, before turning to yell over his shoulder, “Stretcher, over and out. And blankets. Send a bunch.”
I bring a hand up to shield my eyes, and stare into the red, sweating face of Agent Chen. He’s still in a suit, though he’s rolled up his shirt sleeves and pant legs to reveal acres of hairy flesh.
“Mr. Lore,” he says.
If I had the energy, I’d peel back the many layers of meaning in his voice, but I’m just flaccid. Dead weight.
“Agent,” I manage.
“We’ve located the body.” He clears his throat. “Seems to me that the bastard drowned.”
Ash twists to peer up at him, his breath suddenly uneven.