Breathing wildly, Oakes stared with triumph at Bea. Julian played so slowly now that each note fell dully before the next began, absorbing and irritating her: she could not help straining, in her mind, to pull the notes into line.
“Oh, shut it, Irving,” Rose said. “Though perhaps you could keep Emma on tomorrow, Bea-Bea. We could use the extra help.” Rose threw up her arms as Vera had, with more vigor and drama than a situation called for. She could not stop herself from saying what she said next. In her regular life she dressed herself, shopped for herself, cooked for herself, amused herself, soothed herself; then there were her patients, needing her, and the other doctors, needling her. And most of the time this was all right by Rose. She kept waking and dressing and going and coming. But when she boarded the train to Gloucester, whatever it was that kept her upright through her days seemed to snap. She wanted desperately to be taken care of. She spoke loudly: “I don’t mean to sound like a brat, but this is my vacation. Couldn’t her children look after each other for a couple more days? We looked after each other. They’ll survive.”
Bea looked to Emma. But Emma and Helen were gathering empty glasses, moving in their discreet, superior way around the room. Emma would not pardon Bea for her cousin’s rudeness. “I’ve given Emma the holiday with her children,” Bea said with as much equanimity as she could manage. She was struggling not to jump each time Julian began again. Brigitte’s bejeweled hand circled her stomach. Bea would leave, she decided. She would leave before she cried.
But before she could leave, Jack stuffed something into his nose and began to weep. The object was quickly determined by Adeline to be one of Vera’s collectibles: specifically, a finger-sized silver dolphin whose splayed tail had gone up the unfortunate boy’s nostril while its bottlenose hung down like a tusk.
It was none of Bea’s business, really. So she had had a moment with Jack earlier that day. He probably didn’t remember it—or if he did, the memory terrified him. She terrified him. Bea watched Adeline tug reasonably at the dolphin, wiggling it this way and that, Adeline who had grown up on a farm: among this family her knowledge of basic repair made her the equivalent of an engineer. Surely she was capable of removing a trinket from her son’s nose without any assistance. Yet Bea, an auntish confidence surging through her, went and crouched down next to the mother and son. “Is it stuck?” she asked in what she understood to be a chummy, cheery voice, but as with the squeeze of the calf, her judgment was off. Her voice was shrill. And the question itself turned out to be exactly the wrong thing to ask because upon hearing it Jack fell to the floor, where he began to thrash and yowl: “I’m stuck! I’m stuck!”
There were moments that seemed to conspire to undo you, as if time and space knew your precise dimensions, knew how to surround, squeeze, mock, and scold you in the most effective, soul-crushing way. Bea leaped into a frenzy of action. She ran for mineral oil, and when that didn’t work, tweezers, and when this didn’t work, she found a magnet in a kitchen drawer. Back into the great room she ran, waving the magnet absurdly, conscious of her unfashionably long skirt, her hair loosening and wild, her childlessness. She dropped to the floor. The boy rolled. The magnet landed in his ear. A trail of mineral oil ran snotlike across his cheek. He shouted, “Get away from me!”
Bea fought the urge to slap him. It had come on suddenly, bearing down like a train, scattering her intentions. She took the boy by the shoulders, tried to make him still. “I’m trying to help you,” she said. “You can’t just go sticking things inside you!”
His eyes were his mother’s: blue and plain, their odd opacity suggesting self-sufficiency. He had stopped writhing and looked at Bea not with gratitude, as she must have fantasized, or terror, as she feared, but worse, with what appeared to be forgiveness: he seemed to know, in a child’s crude way of knowing, that Bea had no idea what she was doing, and that she was ashamed.