I can’t help wishing I had a beer bottle to throw against the wall about now.
His gaze darkens as his surprise-widened eyes meet mine. My head is still shaking back and forth, my body telling me to shut up, to keep it all in, but there’s no stopping the outpouring of honesty now that I’ve broken the dam. Everything I’ve worked so hard to hold in comes tumbling out faster than I can even process what I’m revealing.
“I know you don’t feel the same way, and that it will wreck everything we’ve worked so hard for, but I lo—”
Gavin’s lips land roughly on my partially open mouth and steal the words about to slip out. Light flashes behind my eyes and my hands instinctually fly to the back of his head as if I could permanently seal him to me.
His fingers press into the flesh beneath my bottom as he grips me tightly, never once pulling his mouth from mine, and lifting me to his waist. My back hits the brick wall behind me but I barely register the impact.
He breathes into me, filling me, and I take his offering greedily, pulling his tongue and lips into my mouth harder than is appropriate for a first kiss. His teeth graze my bottom lip and I tug at his, thrusting against him uncontrollably. I need to be closer, even though it’s physically impossible.
Maybe it’s pity, maybe it’s lust, or maybe this kiss is just to shut me up. But I know this may very well be all I ever get so I am taking ravenously until he stops or one of us passes out from lack of oxygen.
The world spins faster, fading from view as his lips slow their assault, and I try to follow his lead. I want to memorize every intake of breath, savor each small groan of pleasure that falls from his mouth into mine but his intoxicating flavor is making me too drunk to concentrate. I want him to etch himself onto the tiny crevices in my lips, make it sting and sear so that I can remember every fraction of every second.
When our tongues lash against one another a white-hot flash tears through my body, awakening every cell that makes up my being. A soft moan escapes my mouth and I shudder against the sheer force. The taste of him is more than I can handle while standing upright. Thank goodness he’s supporting my weight. It’s heartbreaking knowing I’ve lived my whole life without this.
A deeper cry slips from my lips, and Gavin lets go so abruptly he almost drops me on my ass. As soon as he sees I’m steady on my feet, dazed, but steady, he rakes his hands through his hair and takes a step backward. And then another. But the real distance between us, that mile-wide chasm that separates us, isn’t in that few inches, it’s in his eyes.
He’s pulling away. Already. Too soon. I take a step toward him, desperate to bring him back to me, to those few seconds of perfection that have been unquestionably the best ones of my life.
But he matches me with a step backward. Taking another one, he’s cleared a foot between us.
“Oh God. No. Dixie. Oh God. I shouldn’t have. Oh fuck. I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t you dare.” The anger burns like acid in my chest. “Don’t you fucking dare try and take that back, Gavin Garrison.”
His mouth opens and closes. He’s wavering between consoling me and berating himself and he’s ruining our moment.
“Don’t say anything else. Don’t apologize or make excuses. Please. Please leave it. Okay?”
I meet his tumultuous stare, and he nods. “Are you okay? I lost control and I’m so sor—” My narrowed eyes clip his apology. “Did I hurt you?”
Not yet.
I shake my head no. But we both know he’s about to destroy me, to decimate my battered heart once and for all. Because as much as I wouldn’t trade anything for that kiss, it’s worse now. I’ve had a taste, a taste of the glorious, luxurious bliss that is being kissed by him. And now all that fills my mouth is his bitter regret.
“Y’all coming, or what?” Dallas hollers, his voice alerting us that he’s approaching the open door beside us.