Turning to Gavin for further explanation, and wondering if I’m finally going to hear what they’ve been behaving so strangely about, I’m annoyed when he puts his hands up and redirects the floor to my brother.
Dallas sighs and sinks onto the armchair Papa loved so much. “He doesn’t . . . Barry didn’t . . . Mandy wasn’t able to convince Barry that he needed to see all three of us to make his decision about adding us to the tour.”
I should feel something. Shocked maybe? Hurt? Anger? And yet, I feel slightly relieved. I don’t want to run back out on the road and leave Papa’s memory and his house in disarray. So if I can sit this audition out, I’m okay with that.
I give my brother the best reassuring smile that I can. “That’s okay, Dallas. If this guy doesn’t need me there to audition, then I don’t need to be there. No big.”
Both he and Gavin shift nervously as if they’re attached at some location not visible to me.
“It’s more complicated than that, Dix. But it doesn’t matter.” My brother’s words come out in a jumbled mess resembling a multi-car pileup on the interstate. “Barry just wanted to put me and Gavin with another guitar player he’s trying to get on the tour and then he’d probably just cut us loose. But like I told Mandy, and like I was just attempting to explain to Gavin, it doesn’t matter. Great as it is that he’s interested, we all go or none of us do.”
“Dallas, I don’t mind sitting out an audition, for goodness sakes. If this is a huge break then you should—”
“It’s not a huge break for the band,” my brother rushes out over the rest of my sentence. “It’s not the band he wants added to the tour. The offer doesn’t include plane tickets for all three of us, Dix. And it’s not all three of us that would go on the tour if he likes the audition.”
His shoulders slump as he watches me finally get it. Now I feel something. A lot of somethings that I can’t accurately identify.
But mostly, I feel fear. Sheer terror, actually, at the idea of Dallas hanging around Amarillo forever waiting for the band to get discovered and passing up opportunities he should be grabbing on to with both hands.
“Dallas, maybe you should—”
“No,” he says, reprimanding me with his tone and his glare simultaneously. “We all go or none of us go and that’s that.”
“But—”
My brother cuts me off sharply. “It’s not up for discussion. I’m telling Mandy and Barry both thanks, but no thanks.”
Gavin says something that I don’t catch because there is another man’s voice in my head.
“Take care of each other,” the voice says. My breath hitches the moment I recognize it.
My dad’s words. The command my brother has likely been trying to follow in honor of our parents’ memory for the past ten years. He’s done a good job taking care of me. But standing here watching him commit a completely selfless and completely foolish act of sacrifice, I know now that it’s time I did the same for him.
Hours have passed and my brother paces across the living room floor, following the well-worn path in the hardwood. His suitcase is by the door. I know because I packed it.
“I told you, I’ll handle this. We’ll put you on keyboard or something until Barry warms up to the idea of a fiddle during live shows. You’ve got to be in the studio for recording sessions when it comes time to record the demo anyway, Dix. Please don’t bail on me when I need you the most.”
His eyes are dark with intensity while he pleads his case and as much as a part of me wants to do as I’ve always done and follow wherever he leads, I know it’s time.
We’ve been having this same argument for the past two hours and we’re out of time. Either they go now or they won’t make their flight.
After an hour on the phone with Mandy, Dallas is still angry and nothing has really been resolved.