“What?” Ella’s shock mirrored my brother’s.
“Not like us, but he had enough. I just barely survived.” Breathe. “And then he put a knife to Paige’s back as she was helping me leave.” The rage made my nails cut through flesh, and the tips grew wet with my own blood. “And I was so sure he would live. He was still breathing when Darren—”
“Darren saw you?”
My laugh was bitter as black spots danced before my eyes. It was the part that would drive me to madness. “He saw our horse. When he entered the kennels, he found me clutching a rapier with both of them on the ground, Blayne bleeding to death and Paige already gone.” My voice took on an edge. “If Mira hadn’t arrived, I could have explained…” My voice faltered and I bit down on my cheek. “But she was calling for the rest of the regiment and I knew.” I still remembered the way Darren’s expression had turned as he clutched his dying brother in his arms, betrayed by his wife. “Blayne would have executed me the moment he recovered. I’d have no chance to explain.”
Whatever was in that flask was drugging me to sleep; Ella’s arms wrapped around my shoulders to help lower me to the cot.
Then I shared the part that would haunt me for what little life I had left. “If I had known Blayne would die, I would have stayed.” My voice was slurring as I shut my eyes. “I would have found a way to convince Darren of the truth.” This is all my fault.
“You don’t know that.” Alex’s voice was reassuring and soft. “Ryiah, Darren thought you killed his brother. You don’t know what he would have done.”
Ella’s voice was so quiet, a flutter of wings against my ear. “At least with us, you can help stop the war.”
Her answer was so simple. Perhaps, if I were someone else, I could have even started to believe it.
*
I awoke that evening a couple hours after the others’ return. Alex and Ella explained that for the past three days the others had scouted the nearby roads while Alex and Ella remained behind, tending to me. Then, they introduced me to the best Combat mages of the rebels’ force.
All of the faces held some degree of familiarity, but there were three my attention locked on almost immediately.
Lief.
Ray.
And Ian.
No one asked me about my escape. I suspected Alex or Ella had filled them in while I was at rest. But that didn’t stop their stares. The unspoken questions festered just under the surface.
Lief’s eyes were rimmed in red. All he did was clench and unclench his fists.
I wasn’t the only one who had lost someone. Paige’s absence hit him the worst. Whatever they’d had, it was gone. He had probably thought she was alive, fighting along the Crown’s Army… An enemy, but still alive.
Now he knew better.
The former lead mage didn’t say a word; he just stared at something along the wall as the others talked.
My guilt was deafening.
I forced myself to concentrate on my second bowlful of broth. I felt better than before, but it was nothing next to the thoughts dancing around inside.
“Ryiah is well on the way to recovery. Another four or five days and it will be like the fever never struck.”
“But we don’t have five days, Alex.” An older woman with a scar across the side of her face folded her arms against her ribs. She was the oldest on our squad, thirty-five years old perhaps. Her stamina was better than most. “You can continue her treatments on the road.”
My brother bristled. “Ry barely made it out of their dungeons alive and then two weeks on the run, she needs—”
“We can’t waste any more time now that she’s awake.” Our leader, a burly mage named Quinn, took over, casting an apologetic glance my way. “We have to leave now.”
Another young mage spoke up. “The Crown’s Army arrived at the border two days back. Gods only know how many we’ve already lost.”
“How many to the rest of us?”
“Almost four to one. We would have had more, but—”
“Half of Caltoth’s force was disbanded to hold off the Pythian warships attacking their shores in the north. The border doesn’t stand a chance. Horrace’s regiment doesn’t train like Jerar. Our worst soldiers outperform their knights, and their mages’ stamina isn’t even close.”
“Believe me”—Quinn’s voice was laced with regret as he spoke over the others—“if there were any other choice…”
“But every day you remain, hundreds die.” It was a matter of fact.
He nodded. I could see why Nyx had appointed the giant our leader. He was calm and direct, seeming to weigh every decision in his head before he spoke.
“I’ve made it this far. I can manage the rest.”
My twin made a disgruntled sound to my left, but aloud he said nothing.
The room’s occupants started to disband. “We leave in two hours. Alex, since you are in charge of her recovery, Ryiah will share your mount.”