Darren’s hand froze midair.
“You and me.” The words were unbidden, and they spoke to the coward I was. “We could leave this whole place behind.”
“Ryiah…” Darren swallowed hard. “Do you have any idea what you are asking?”
My nails dug into his arm. I knew I was hurting him, but I was too afraid to let go. “You told me you never wanted this life. This is your chance. You can be someone else. We can find a ship and let the others sort everything out.”
“I will not leave my brother to fight this war alone.” His reprimand was harsh. “We are war mages, Ryiah. We have a duty to Jerar.”
“What about a duty to us?” Tears were slipping down my face, and I didn’t even care. “Don’t you want to grow old together? To start a family? What will happen if—”
“Ryiah.” Darren drew a sharp intake of breath. “I know you lost your brother and you are afraid of losing others, but running away won’t solve anything. We have to stay and fight.”
“But—”
“The ambassador will come around. And even if he doesn’t, I promise you, I won’t let us lose.” The prince’s tone drew soft and his bloody fingers raised my chin so that his eyes met my own. “Love, I’m not leaving you.”
Yes, you will. I swallowed my choking sob, reality breaking through to my plea. Hysteria and sheer desperation had taken over my control.
Gods, the fairy tales never talked about heroes who chose wrong. I was so lost in self-pity and greed, I had been willing to run away with the prince, even if it meant the villain won. Even if I forsook everyone else.
Darren would never turn on his own. Yet, here I was, ready to give up on the rebels, my family and friends, all because the going got hard, all because I wanted it to be us in the end.
Darren didn’t deserve the likes of me. The others didn’t deserve to rest their fate on the shoulders of a girl so weak.
When I fell asleep that night, it was with the realization that I hated myself.
*
The next morning, I awoke to find the prince sitting on our bed, dressed for a day outdoors instead of another endless battle in the Crown chamber with Duke Cassius and the king.
Darren gave me a half smile as I pushed off against the mattress, staring at him in wide-eyed confusion.
“I have a surprise for you.”
A part of me rebelled; I didn’t deserve anything after the words I had spoken the day before. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with a coward like me.
Darren noted the hesitation on my face. “The two of us are going to be driven mad by these negotiations. Yesterday made it clear we both need to get away from this place. I can’t promise you forever.” His smile faltered and a flare of regret shone in his eyes. “But for the day, it’s a start.”
I took a hitching breath and shook my head. I didn’t want a day alone with the prince; I needed to distance myself in any way that I could. I needed to simmer in my own shame and spend the day in the library, chasing down more manuscripts on war and preparing for Cassius’s refusal.
“You don’t have a choice.” Darren tugged me to my feet. “The staff are under orders to keep you out. Mira was especially delighted to hear it.”
My lip twitched. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Darren was already walking toward the chamber door. “And wear that dress, the yellow one.”
“From the wedding?”
“Ten minutes, love.” Darren turned, a wicked glint to his eyes. “Then we leave, in whatever state of undress that might be.”
Later, we were tearing through the forest, gnarled branches making a mess of my skirts.
“Really?” I felt Darren’s choke of laughter against my back; it wasn’t unpleasant. “You could have told me to wear something else.”
“I’m a prince.” Darren hopped from the saddle, pulling me down and smirking at my disarray. The dress had ripped almost scandalously high at the waist and my hair had broken free of its tie, leaving scarlet locks windblown and compiled in an endless horror of knots. It would take my ladies-in-waiting at least three hours to untangle the worst. “I get what I want.”
“And that is…?”
“You.” Darren snatched my hand and began to tug me along the trail. Our horses were tethered next to a stream, left to their own devices while we continued the rest of our trek on foot. We were somewhere southeast of the capital, three hours on a small, untraveled road I had never heard of in my entire time at court.
“What is this place?”
“So many questions.” The teasing lilt of his voice was unmistakable. “It’s a wonder I didn’t have you bound and gagged the whole ride here.”
“You know, you could just tell me.” I couldn’t keep from smiling. I tried not to, but I was failing. “Darren!” I shrieked his name as he dragged me through some overhanging brush, more branches tearing at my dress. “Darren, stop!”
“We are almost there.”
“I should light you on fire,” I grumbled.
“You tried.” He was trying hard not to laugh. “Many, many times, love.”