I am desperately worried. There has been no word from Tom for over a month now. Nothing since his telegram saying his battalion had been all but decimated, that he was joining another battalion and was on the march. I fear he may have been at Verdun from where we heard such awful news of casualties, and I cannot stop stewing on what you said about him being in a bad way when you saw him.
I feel very uneasy. I cannot eat, or sleep. I find myself imagining the very worst of things—that he is a POW at the mercy of the enemy, alone and afraid. Or worse. And yet I try to remind myself that if anyone can survive this war, Thomas Harding can. I must believe in him, mustn’t I? Now, more than ever. His absence, and his silence, makes my heart grow ever fonder. Meanwhile, I see John Hopper with increasing regularity. The stark disparity between their worlds twists my stomach into knots and makes me more determined to play some vital part in the greater cause. You will think me mad, but Jack Davies and I are hatching a plan for me to get to France and report back to him. I feel like a spoiled child here in my ivory tower, shielded from the realities of life. I must know it, Alice. In all its guises. It does not frighten me as it does Mama.
Please write, if even a few lines.
Yours,
Evie
XX
From Evie to Thomas
16th May, 1916
Richmond, England
Dearest Tom,
Where in the world are you?
I keep writing and writing and still no word from you. I scour the newspapers, but can find no news of you or your battalion. I hardly know which battalion you are with now. How can you simply disappear? How can I bear this dreadful silence?
I beg you to write. It is so dreadful not to hear from you and although I doubt you will receive this, I must write to you anyway just to let you know that I think of you every day and pray for your safety.
Yours, always,
Evie
X
From Charles Abshire to Thomas
1st June, 1916
London, England
Dear Thomas,
It has been weeks since your last letter, dear boy, and we are more than worried here in London. Please respond, even if via telegram or through someone else.
Godspeed,
Charles
From Evie to Thomas
4th June, 1916
Richmond, England
My dearest Tom,
How can anyone be so utterly lost? No word. Not even so much as a whisper from you. I find myself almost hoping to find your name in the newspaper lists now. Wounded at this stage would be preferable to missing. At least then I would know you were in the care of the nurses. I beg Alice to keep a careful watch, to be always looking for you, but she finds nobody with your name or number, nothing with which she can comfort my tormented heart. And still more recruits ship out. Married men are now under conscription. Only those on essential war work at home and the staunchest of objectors remain: stubborn in their defiance.
With the warmer weather I have taken to sketching my little birds again. Here, for you, is a kingfisher. Did you know they only have one partner for the whole of their lives? What wonders nature reveals when one chooses to observe it. I think him rather handsome and beautiful. What beauty there is all around us, waiting to be noticed. All we have to do is stop and look—and notice. How I would love to stroll with you along the river and see the flash of a kingfisher’s wing.
I have added to my responsibilities as postwoman and am now a telegram messenger. You cannot know how heavy my postbag feels when weighed down with the dreaded telegram from the King. So often I must deliver a bundle of letters, the envelope simply marked “Return to Sender.” Will my letters to you be returned, I wonder? Will you ever return to us?
I continue to pray for you, and I will keep writing.
Evie
XXX
From Evie to Alice
10th June, 1916
Richmond, England
My dear Alice,
I must apologise for not writing in an age. I can hardly bear to put pen to paper. It all seems so pointless.
My heart aches with worry for Tom. Still no word. Three months now, Alice. Three whole months. It is the most awful anguish. Not knowing. Never hearing.
I have tried to distract myself with my postal duties and my columns and luncheons with Hopper, but I only find myself growing ever more incensed by the fact that he is still here in London, living in comfort and safety, while Thomas is nowhere to be found. I challenged Hopper on the matter and I’m afraid he became rather cross. He said he hoped I wasn’t turning into one of the bloody White Feather Brigade and that he will ship out as soon as his superiors will allow it, and why can’t people mind their own bloody business. He apologised profusely after (I think he’d had rather too much to drink). He says war makes madmen of us all and that he is frustrated to be deemed a coward when it is a matter out of his control. In the meantime, I hear rumblings via Papa that all is still not happy families at the LDT. Poor Tom would be horrified to know it. I wish there was something I could do.
Alice, you are right. When I think about Tom never coming home, I find an awful darkness where once a bright future beckoned. My anguish is not just for the friend I have known since I was a child. My anguish is for the man I have watched him become, and for the man I want him to be. I can think of nothing but him, of his smile, of his arms around my waist as we danced. What on earth will become of me if it is too late?
War makes me reckless with my heart so I posted the letter I wrote to him on Christmas Day. Should he ever receive it, it will leave him in no doubt as to my feelings for him. I hope I did the right thing in sending it. The fear of never seeing him again is suddenly far greater than the fear of rejection should he tell me he does not feel the same way.
Will you get home on leave at all? I feel desperately lonely and would so much love to see you.
And what absolutely dreadful news about Kitchener’s death on the HMS Hampshire, and all those who perished with him. Papa says it is nothing short of a national disaster. Nobody is safe, Alice. Not even those in the highest ranks. What hope can there be for someone like Tom?
Evie
X
Telegram from Alice to Evie
5TH JULY 1916
TO: EVELYN ELLIOTT, POPLARS, RICHMOND, LONDON SW
SENT: 10:34 / RECEIVED: 11:36
TOM ALIVE AND WITH BATTALION! LETTER TO FOLLOW. ALICE.
Telegram from Evie to Charles Abshire
5TH JULY 1916
TO: CHARLES ABSHIRE, 34 LOVELACE GARDENS, BERMONDSEY, LONDON SE
SENT: 12:30 / RECEIVED: 13:14
TOM FOUND SAFE AND WELL. WILL SEND MORE SOONEST. EVELYN ELLIOTT.
From Alice to Evie
6th July, 1916
Somewhere in France
Dear Evie,