I force myself to put the book down, walk to the door, inhale deeply, and open it.
He fills the space outside like he is a god and like he is at the center of everything. Our eyes lock, and I suddenly realize I’m makeup-less, in my pajamas, my heart flipping helplessly at the sight of him.
I can’t think when he looks at me, with wounded blue eyes and a thoughtful frown.
I press my lips tight with nothing to say, then turn around and let him in.
I don’t know what’s happening, what I was getting into when I told him I loved him. Two broken parts can’t make a whole and I know it.
We were friends. And now how can we be friends after what I said?
He’s silent and so am I, two broken people, a little angry at whatever hurt them, having nothing to vent and no one to punch, not really.
The wood floor creaks as he stalks so close at my heels that I can almost hear my personal bubble pop. My lungs strain for air as he stops me and slips his fingers up my cheek and cups the side of my face.
“Don’t,” I warn.
He kisses my cheek.
“Don’t.”
He kisses my other cheek.
“Tahoe, don’t.”
He goes for my mouth and I turn my face away. His kiss lands on my cheek, and against my skin, he inhales.
His arms come around me, stronger than if they were steel.
The feeling of being engulfed by something uncontrollable seizes me.
“Are you upset with me?” he asks fiercely in my ear, turning my face.
I’m trying to talk without allowing my voice to reveal any of the chaos I’m feeling. “Why would I be—”
“For being such a messed-up fuck.” He looks at me. His perfect face is only an inch from mine. He sets a peck on my lips and my breath leaves me in a hurry.
“You’re not. I’m not upset. I just want to be alone a little bit, okay? We’re okay. You and I are okay, we’re friends and we’ll always be friends.”
He holds my face in both hands as if to make sure I won’t avoid him this time. “So easy, you give up on me, huh? You tell me you love me and run away—why? Did I not have a right to say something back?”
I press my lips in stony silence.
“Well, you’re going to have to hear it, lady.”
I exhale.
“First I have to say I missed you,” he says, his voice dropping. “You’re like an insistent little trickle of water, soaking into every inch of my life. I can’t look anywhere without noticing your absence, Regina.”
Just hearing his voice makes me oddly emotional and makes my throat ache. “I missed you too, Tahoe.”
He drags a hand over his bearded jaw, drops it and fists it at his side. “You just up and disappeared. Don’t do that to me again, Regina.”
“I didn’t disappear, I’ve been right here. I didn’t think anyone would mind.”
“I’m not anyone, and I was worried about you.”
He looks restless, all of his energy crackling around him, around us as he silently wills me to understand with his gaze.
“Okay,” I say.
“So,” he spreads his arms out, “girl,” he laughs, “you’ve checked me so hard I can’t even think straight anymore. You’ve been checking me left and right this whole year and I fucking can’t even think straight anymore, Regina.
“I love you.” He looks at me. “I love every part of you. I could be a thousand miles away from you, stay away from you my whole life, put an ocean between us, take a million other women in my arms, and you’re still the one I want, the only woman on my mind.”
He scrapes his beard. He seems nervous, rubbing the back of his neck restlessly.
“See, I was in love once. I never thought I was good enough for her. We were kids, puppy love.” His voice lowers. “But even in puppy love, love shouldn’t be like that. It shouldn’t need you to change.” His eyes shimmer like blue lightning. “I’ve learned that with you. Love should make you feel good about yourself and about the person you are when you’re with the one you love. Love should make you feel accepted as you are.”
His stare bores into me. “You know my every side, you’ve seen me in every way, and you let me see you the way you let no man see you. And somehow we still crave to be with each other. Not because I’m broken and I make you feel good about yourself…because I’m not broken with you. You get me and I get you. I accept you, I cherish you. I fucking revere you. Just as you are. I want no other woman in my life and I want you to have no man but me. So I love you.” He exhales rapidly. “And I fucking love the way you look right now. I love that smile of yours most of all.”
I’m both smiling and crying and getting the little makeup I’m wearing all messed up. “Did you have to say this right now?”
His arms engulf me in the most delicious way. “Yes. Now.”
He rubs my lips with his thumb. He lifts me and twirls me like he did when he said I was his lucky charm, then he stops and slowly lets my body drag down the length of his as he sets me on my feet.
Our eyes latch, so intently and with such hunger that our laughter drifts off.