“Yes. I feel…better.”
He’s thoughtful in the silence that settles between us. It’s so easy with you, I think. So easy and also so exciting with you.
“Any other letters from any club or non-club members we must destroy?” He narrows his eyes threateningly as he looks at me.
“No!” I laugh and shove both my hands in my pockets to warm them.
He laughs too, and when we stop laughing, our eyes meet, and I feel myself heat up so hard and so fast that I need to drop my gaze.
He remains studying me in silence. “So only Paul. Who was the founding member? Let’s talk about him for a second.”
“Roderick? Not Roderick! Or Vince…no, not him. They were both just…part of growing up.”
“Paul? Part of growing up too?”
“I guess. And you? All your flings?” I nudge him.
He nudges me back. “What about them?”
“Well, were they part of growing up?”
“They’re part of what’s become my life, I guess.”
“And what is this life? Is it everything you wanted? More?”
He pokes the tip of my nose with a fingertip. “I actually didn’t plan this life for myself.”
I wrinkle my nose and pretend I’m going to bite his finger when he removes it. “Really. What was it then? An accident?”
He laughs and scrapes his hand across his bearded jaw. “Yeah.”
I feel warm under his regard; it sends my pulse spinning.
“How was the one you planned? Better?” I’m starting to get confused, and I think it shows on my face.
“Yeah, better.” He stares away. “Different.”
“How different?”
“I didn’t plan to leave home, for starters.”
“Why did you?”
“It was tough to stay. Is yours what you pictured it to be?”
“Nope. But do you ever think of correcting paths?”
“Nah. There are no what ifs for me. What was was, and what is is.”
“I do. I think back to what I wanted before him, who I was before I got lost in him, what I wanted, and I want it back. Trent is my do over.”
He looks at me, and something like raw truth shines in his eyes.
“Good for you, Gina.” He reaches out and skims his forefinger over my nose. I shiver.
“What about yours? Your first?”
“Her name’s Lisa.”
“Wow, you remember her name.”
“I actually remember plenty about her.” A muscle twitches along his jaw, and he sets his beer aside and takes my arm. “Come on, let’s take you home.”
“No,” I groan, “not home.”
“Yes. Home. Now.”
“My apartment is so lonely and ominous…so quiet. Take me to Trent’s. I told him I’d be there by midnight, when I was done at my gig.”
He clenches his jaw thoughtfully.
“Come on, take me to Trent’s.” I nudge him.
He just keeps clenching his jaw, grabs the back of my neck and steers me toward his car.
We’re silent on the drive over, and I’m close to dozing in my seat, feeling safe and comfortable and warm.
I groan when I need to stand and walk toward Trent’s building, but I lean on Tahoe for support all the way to the 5th floor. He deposits me right at Trent’s door, and when Trent opens, Tahoe’s drawl is thicker than ever. “Take care of her,” he says, and walks away.
*
“I saw my ex today,” I tell Trent as I cross his small apartment and head straight to his bed.
“Oh no. Don’t you just hate that?” He embraces me gently.
“Hate that,” I agree, burying my nose in his throat. All I notice is the fact that he doesn’t smell like pine trees. And that his jaw is so…smooth. So beardless. “His name was Paul. I’m so over him I didn’t want to tell you about it. He cheated on me. You’re not the kind of guy who’d ever do that to a girl you like, are you?”
“No, shit, of course not. That’s so low. You’re more than I can handle, Regina,” he assures me sheepishly.
“I’m enough?” I ask, eyes widening happily. It feels good to be enough.
“More than enough.”
I frown thoughtfully. “More than enough? Trent, don’t say that! I want to be just right, not more, not less,” I complain, but I drift off, exhausted.
I have nightmares about Paul, dumping me, but Paul somehow morphs into Tahoe. I wake up the next morning too early for a Saturday, guilty about dreaming of Tahoe as I notice Trent soundly sleeping in bed beside me.
HUNTING
Aside from burying myself in work during the rest of February, I also start looking for apartments. Trent suggests that I look at vacancies in his building but although his place is okay in terms of transportation to work, I don’t want to limit myself to only one neighborhood.
So I spend all my time either working or looking for apartments, all while also trying not to worry overly much about my living situation. Every night I remind myself that I’ve got this and that taking this step will be worth it.
I’m scouring the classifieds late one night, disappointed that Trent spared only a minimal look at the options I showed him before he headed to my bedroom and to bed.
I feel restless and crave company.