It was a cold peace but at least Ben could look at her without his stomach churning. She’d wave, he’d wave. And since it was only once a week, he could deal. She looked terrible. There were dark circles under her eyes. She was bony with a pasty complexion. He felt bad for her. Then he’d feel bad for himself. Then he got angry: at her, at JD, who was definitely avoiding him, and finally at himself for letting a stupid, idiotic fling get to him. Of course, no one wanted to feel like a jackass and she definitely had made a jackass out of him.
So, Ben did what he did best: isolated himself. Whenever there was a break, he sequestered himself in an empty room, reading, doing homework, or playing on his computer. He tried to pick the most out-of-the-way space where no one would look—not that anyone was bothering—but the school simply wasn’t big enough to get lost in.
Ben knew JD was in the room without even looking up. The guy had that kind of discernible gait.
“Hey.”
The sound of his voice made Ben’s blood boil. His brain was having an internal dialogue.
Easy, guy. You’re a civilized human being. Let him talk and let it pass.
“Uh, could I talk to you for just a minute?”
Just let it pass.
JD said, “Um . . . look . . . this is the situation. It isn’t about me. It’s about Ro. I’m really concerned about her. She’s been a wreck for the last month . . . since it happened, you know.”
Silence.
“Vicks, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she’s like totally . . . retreated. She quit cheerleading. She doesn’t talk to anyone, she stays by herself. She took some kind of stupid job and she leaves as soon as school’s over. Even her parents aren’t sure what she does. Only that she’s exhausted all the time and doesn’t talk to anyone. She works weekends. She looks terrible. I know you hate her . . . maybe not hate her, but I know you hate me. But this isn’t about me.”
Ben looked up and then down. JD was sweating. The room temperature was around sixty. Steady, boy.
A big exhale. “Her birthday’s this weekend. I’m having a little party for her Friday at my house . . . small . . . just the guys and a few girls.” Another exhale. “Initially I wanted it to be like a surprise. But then . . . well, you know Shannon. She can’t keep a secret.”
Silence.
“But I did get Ro to agree to come. And like I said, this isn’t about me or anything. Ben, I know it would be something special to her if you’d show up. I mean, you don’t have to stay . . . just make an appearance. Honestly, I’m real concerned about her health. And you certainly don’t need any more ghosts to haunt you.”
With that, Ben’s brain gave up. He gathered up his schoolwork and stuffed it into his backpack. “No.”
“C’mon, Vicks.” JD grabbed his arm. “Think about someone other than yourself for once.”
The pop came so fast that the poor bastard didn’t even have a second to deflect it: a perfect uppercut on the chin. Ben felt the punch clear down to his wrist. JD’s face registered utter shock although it shouldn’t have. When they were younger, they had scrapped all the time. “In case that wasn’t clear enough, the answer is still no.”
Ben ambled out of the room, slipping his backpack over one shoulder. Juvenile. But it felt so damn good. He went to his locker, working hard to get the numbers right while shaking out his hand. He could feel Ro’s presence over his shoulder, heard her say, “How’s your hand?”
“Probably better than JD’s jaw.” He shook out his hand again and turned to face her. “It hurts.”
“Thanks for inviting me out to dinner the other night.”
“You caught me in a weak moment.”
His repressed anger slapped Ro in the face. She sighed. It was better to get it all out because he already hated her. It couldn’t get any worse. “I slept with him that night . . . with JD . . . on Valentine’s—”
“I get it, okay.” He glared at her with open hostility. “What would you like me to say to that?”
“I dunno. I’m sure if you think hard enough, something will come to you.” His eyes were far away. He was retreating into his brain, which was usually a dark place. “He got me drunk, but no excuses. I’m way beyond excuses. I’m just telling you this because I want to totally come clean before I ask a favor of you.” Silence. “Vicks?”
“I hear you.”
“Okay.” She swallowed hard. “Here goes nothing. It’s my birthday this weekend . . . on Monday, actually—”
“I know.”
“You know? Oh, that’s right. JD told you about the party.”
“No, I knew before that. My memory is still intact.”
“Okay. You know.” A pause. “Everyone is asking me what I want. Do I want clothes or money or jewelry or a trip for spring break or whatever. All those things are fine. I mean, who doesn’t love a good diamond? But that’s not what I really want.” She took in a deep breath and let it out. “What I really, really want for my birthday is for you to forgive me.”
When he didn’t respond, she pressed on.
“I mean, you don’t have to like me . . . obviously you don’t. But if you could forgive me, that would be a great present for me.”
He remained silent.
“I know it’s selfish. But selfishly, I’m tired of feeling like a terrible person—”
“I forgive you.” Vicks looked up and gave her a forced smile. “Done.”
“Okay.” A pause. “On the heels of that pithy comment, is there anything you’d like to add?”
“That’s it. I forgive you. Happy birthday.”
“Okay.” She shrugged. “I got what I wanted . . . I guess. Thanks.” When she started to leave, she felt his finger gently tap her arm. She turned around. “Yes?”
He dropped his hand. “Dorothy, you are not a terrible person. You’re a good person who . . .” A sigh. “Who, in my opinion, made a terrible decision that broke my heart. But one terrible decision does not . . . take away all the nice things you’ve done for me. I’d like to hate you, but I don’t. And that’s about as good as it’s gonna get right now.”
She bit her lip hard. “Thanks for saying that.” A tear escaped. “Seriously.”
Vicks pulled something out of his locker. “I was gonna give this to Griff to give to you. But as long as you’re here and we’re talking . . . kind of . . .” He offered her a small wrapped package. “Like I said, my memory is still intact. Happy birthday.”
She stared at the gift through blurry, wet eyes. “You bought me a present?”
“I did. Open it.”
She ripped off the paper and ribbon, and then opened the box. It was the same bracelet that he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, except it was in yellow gold. She couldn’t speak.
Ben said, “I saw that you wear the one I gave you. So I went to the same store. And the woman at the jewelry shop told me that the two different golds look pretty together . . .” He laughed. “I’m just not very creative at these kinds of things.”
Ro laughed as water rolled down her cheeks. Her hands were shaking. “I could use a little help.”
Vicks latched the bracelet onto her wrist. “Actually, they do look pretty together.” He held her arm as he inspected the jewelry. “It’s kind of like our relationship. The white gold is flashy, sparkly, the flames blistering hot white. Yellow flames are less hot, not as intense but more mellow. Less expectation but there’s still something burning, and that will never go away.” He kissed her cheek. “Happy birthday, Ro. Enjoy your party with JD.”
“Vicks?”