“I hate being jealous. The thing is, I don’t really know who I’m jealous of. Sometimes it’s Haley. Sometimes it’s Griffen. Sometimes I just want him to go away and have things like they were before he came here. But I really do like Griff. And he’s perfect for Haley. I don’t know why I’m so unhappy. It’s not like they exclude me. I just feel so pathetic.”
“They don’t include you out of pity,” he said. “They’re fourteen. You’re probably a good buffer.” Ben smiled again. “You know, Haley’s still your best friend. Nothing is ever going to change that.” His eyes went back to the football field. “How’d you find me?”
“I just looked for the most remote spot in the stadium.”
“Good call.” He saw the guy who was sitting next to him approaching with a tray of hot dogs and soda. “You’re about to be displaced.”
Lilly stood up. “I gotta get back. Haley hates when I skip out on her. She thinks I’m mad.” She got out of the way so the man carrying the tray could sit down. “Where are we meeting after the game?”
“At the car. We’ll go home, change, and go back to the dance.”
“Whoopee!” She twirled her finger in the air. “I’m not gonna embarrass you by being your date.”
“You won’t embarrass me. Can’t speak for you.”
She smiled. “See you later.”
“Bye.” Ben went back to staring at the Rolls; a silver Corniche with a red interior. It would have been worth it to be homecoming queen just to ride in such a beautiful vehicle. He blew warm air on his hands. He was cold, hungry, and more than a little depressed. When the third quarter started, he got up and bought two hot dogs and a big cup of coffee, and drank and ate in the car with the heat blasting on his face. No longer cold. No longer hungry.
Two out of three ain’t bad.
Even Lilly had ditched him. At the dance, Ben had left her alone to go find Ro and congratulate her, but the crowd around JD and her was too thick to penetrate. All he wanted to do was show his face so Ro would know that he’d kept his word. But hanging around the perimeter of fans and well-wishers, he began to feel like the paparazzi.
When Lilly caught up to him, she was beaming. The little girl was wearing a black strapless dress that covered a nonexistent chest. She was built thin and boyish—taller than her petite Chinese mother, but not at all hulking like her father. Around her wrist was a corsage.
“Nice flowers, young lady.”
“Ezra decided to come.”
“He did, did he.” Ben nodded approvingly. “What happened to his cold?”
“He still has it. Haley put powder on his red nose so it wouldn’t show up in the pictures.”
“Nice of him to come when he was sick.”
“Yeah, it was.” Lilly looked down. “You look very handsome.”
“Thank you. And you look very pretty.”
“I look like I’m playing dress-up.”
“The dress is lovely, Lilly. And so are you.”
“Thank you.” She was blushing. “I have to get back to Ezra. It’s awkward to dance with him. I don’t want to catch his cold.”
“The things you do for love.”
She gave him a playful shove and skipped off. Now that she was taken care of, Ben could finally retreat without guilt. Overpaying for a large hot tea, he warmed his hands on the paper cup and then stepped out of the tinsel-covered gym onto the adjacent patio. People were milling around. He kept walking until he was alone. The night was cold and the sky was studded with stars. He stood against a cottonwood and felt chilled air going through his lungs, converting to mist when he exhaled. Five minutes later, Tom Gomez appeared, smoking a cigarette.
“Mind if I join you?”
“No, not at all.” Ben sipped his tea.
“How’s it going?”
“Same as last time.” A pause. “Sorry for running out like that. I dunno . . . sometimes I get a little crazy. I apologize.”
“I offended you,” Gomez said. “I apologize for that. But not for the rest of what I said.”
Silence.
“Ben, our families have been friends for a very long time. I’m speaking to you like I would speak to one of my own kids . . . if I had a kid as gifted as you are.”
“Not interested.”
“It’s my job to make you interested.” He took a drag on his cigarette. “I don’t want you to look back ten years from now and see the terrible mistake you’re making. I don’t want you here twenty years from now, feeling like you’re trapped because you sold yourself short.”
“Is that how you feel?”
“Sometimes. But I suspect lots of men at my stage of life feel a little trapped. I love my life. I just wish I experienced more of it on my own.”
“Then why’d you stay here?”
“UNM was very good to me. I wanted to give something back to my community.”
“Ditto.”
“I have family here going back hundreds of years.”
“Ditto.”
“And then . . . sometimes . . . on clear starry nights like this one, I can’t think of anyplace else I’d rather be.”
“Ditto, ditto, ditto.”
“But there’s a difference. I’m a man of limited funds—”
“Ditto.”
“Now, that’s not true. You could get a full scholarship to lots of places. Besides, that’s not the point.”
“You brought it up.”
“Ben, I’m a man of limited funds and also limited talents. That’s not you.”
Ben said, “I’m happy here, Tom. I’d like to go to St. John’s just for a change of pace. But I’d do fine at UNM.”
“You’ve taken a lot of courses there.”
“It’s got a decent math department and a good physics department. I could actually attend both places at the same time—St. John’s and UNM.”
“One’s in Albuquerque, one’s in Santa Fe.”
“I could go to the UNM campus near Santa Fe. Or I could commute. It’s only an hour. Plus, I’ve already been offered a paying internship with Circuitchip.”
“I can see you’re determined not to have a social life.”
“All I’m saying is this area has plenty to offer. Hell, we’ve got all the major labs here—Los Alamos, Sandia—”
“You’ll need a PhD.”
“So maybe when it’s PhD time, I’ll go somewhere else. In the meantime, what’s wrong with sticking around close to home?”
“Just tell me you’re not staying for Haley.”
“Nah, Haley doesn’t need me.” He said it unconvincingly, especially after the latest development with Jamey Moore. But he pressed forward. “I’m staying here because I want to stay here.”
“So, it’s either St. John’s or UNM or both.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Okay, Ben.” Gomez stubbed out his cigarette with his heel, then picked up the butt and threw it away in the garbage. “If that’s what you want, it’ll surely happen.”
Ben stared up at the sky. “I appreciate it, Tom.”
“I think someone’s looking for you.” Gomez was referring to Ro, who had just come outside onto the patio. He said, “You know the dating pool is much bigger at other universities.”
Ben laughed. “You’ll try anything.”
“I’m an old dog, but I haven’t quite given up. I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”
Ro had on a bright red ball gown and was protected from the cold by only a shawl. She spotted Ben and came running, holding up the hem of her dress, looking like Cinderella when the clock struck twelve. “There you are.” She kissed his cheek. “Come inside. It’s freezing!”
“I’d be cold too if that’s all I was wearing.”
“I’m serious.” She rubbed her arms.
“I know. But I like it out here.”
“Vicks!”
“I showed up for your event—both of them. Isn’t that enough?”