He hadn’t thought about that. “Have JD drive you to rehearsal. Tell him to take a gun.”
She pushed him away. “Anytime you don’t want to deal with me, you palm me off on JD.” She picked up her purse. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Of course, what she said was true. He said, “Okay. I’ll come to rehearsal. I’ll work it out with the girls.”
“Your parents will be home, right?”
“Maybe, but I kinda didn’t want them dealing with this.”
“So let the girls go to my house. My mom should be home. And we’ll emphasize to the boys that they have to be with them at home with the door locked the entire time.”
“Let them stay at my house. It’s closer to the school.”
“I’m down with that.”
“Does Griff know how to shoot?”
“The guy is not going to come knocking at your door, Ben. That’s just stupid.”
“Why am I not reassured?”
“I know you’re worried, but it’ll only be a couple of hours.” She put her purse down and kissed him like she did way back when. “Please come to rehearsal. I really want us to go through graduation together.”
Ben was quiet.
“I know we can’t go backward,” Ro said. “After graduation, we’ll all be scattered across the four corners of the globe. And I’m looking forward to the future. Within a few months at college, I’ll be pledged with the top sorority and I’ll be dating the best-looking guy on campus. But . . .” She blew out air. “You can only have one first love . . . and you’ll always be my first love.”
He kissed her back and there was instant electricity. Dear Lord, protect him from being seventeen. “And you’ll always be my first love.”
“So, my first love . . . you’ll come to rehearsal with me?”
It was against his better judgment. “I’ll go for a couple of hours, okay. That’s the best I can do.”
“Fair enough.” A sad smile. “When I’m gone, think of me from time to time.”
“Ro, it’s the not thinking about you that’ll be difficult.” He suddenly felt very blue. “How the hell do I move on when you’ve set the bar so high?”
“I hate it when you say things like that.” She was choked up. “It makes me think about what I’m losing.”
“You’ll always have me here.” He pointed to her chest. “And I’ll always have you here.” He pointed to his own heart.
She wiped her wet eyes. “Now it’s my turn to say let’s get back to work.” She threw another pile into the shredder. It made a god-awful sound that had Ben cringing.
But his mind was still on the conversation.
She was his first love, no doubt about that.
And she cheated on him, no doubt about that either.
There was first love.
And then there was true love.
Chapter 10
Back in New Mexico, he broke into a sweat and it wasn’t because of the warm weather. He shouldn’t have come back. After his stunt with the tires they were onto him, and he’d have better luck elsewhere.
But compulsion was compulsion and he knew that nothing was going to satisfy him except a hit in this territory. So why did he take a chance on doing something that he’d ultimately find hollow?
It didn’t have to be a certain person. Any female that fit the categories would do. But it would be extra-special sweet to do it right under their proverbial noses, prove that lightning could strike twice, and just maybe it would give him the same thrill that she gave him three years ago.
She had fought like a tiger, scratching and clawing and screaming, but she didn’t have a chance. Eventually he had subdued her by sheer force. It was because of her spirit that he decided to start using chemicals to get from point A to point B to point C . . . well, they were dead by point C—limp and lifeless, unable to respond in any way.
Some guys got off on the fight. He got off on the helplessness. He was ashamed to admit it, even to himself, but he sometimes liked it better when they were dead than when they were alive. He could take his time, whisper things to the girls that he really wanted to say, let them know that he did care about them. That it wasn’t personal . . . just . . . it was who he was.
He had passed the Four Corners on the rez, passed Shiprock, and was going into Farmington. He’d be in Albuquerque by evening, ready to set up shop. He knew better than to check in at the Jackson Santa Fe—pretty little Dorothy wasn’t there by chance—so he’d hit the Jackson down south, where he still had business at Sandia NL. That way the government would be paying for his room and meals and he could go in and out of Santa Fe without being noticed.
That was if all went as planned. And when things didn’t go as planned, well, that was okay too.
Creativity spawned excitement. And that’s all he wanted in his dull, dull life. A little fun now and then.
Ro was chipper while Ben was pissed off and anxiety-ridden. She zipped across the threshold with Griffen following her like the tail to her comet. She had on a bright pink polo shirt that screamed summer. All it did was remind Ben of the significance of the day.
“I don’t like this plan.” Ben closed the door. “I should be here.”
“Stop worrying.” She sighed heavily. “We’ve been over this a thousand times.”
Ben looked around. “Where’s Ezra?”
“Sick,” Griffen said.
“So there’s just the three of you?” He shook his head. “Uh-uh, I’m staying home.”
“Vicks, Griff is here, the girls are together, and Shanks said he’ll make at least three drive-bys.”
“I’m not going unless they wait at the police station.”
“And I told you I’m not waiting at a police station,” Haley said.
She seemed as pissed off as he was. It was the time of the year when she and Ben became orphans. Their mother was barely functioning, managing just to work and sleep. Their dad, on the other hand, was all work. Both of them were as absent as they were absent-minded. Ben and Haley were left to fend for themselves, and since Ben drove, Haley was dependent on him. He became bossy. She became defiant. Nothing worked for either of them.
Haley said, “I’ve got a ton of work to do for my final papers. And Mom said something about leaving early from work.”
Ben said, “She has a doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh . . .” Haley’s complexion darkened. “I thought maybe she actually wanted to spend some time with me.”
“She does, Haley.” Ben exhaled “She just can’t function right now.” Silence. “You haven’t said anything to her about today, right?”
“God, don’t you trust me at all?”
“I’m sorry if it comes across like that.”
Haley was somewhat mollified. “Honestly, it’s stupid that she doesn’t know.”
“I wanted here her, Haley. Dad overruled me.”
“You haven’t told your mom about what’s going on?” Ro was genuinely surprised.
“The official anniversary of my sister’s death is in spitting distance. She’s been in a dark place for days. My dad told me that he doesn’t want to unnecessarily worry her.”