Kat and Meg Conquer the World

One sandy dunes . . . two blazing sun . . .

“I mean—” The words come out as a rasp. I swallow, breathe, try again. “Do you guys play LotS at all?”

“Sometimes,” Eric says.

Sunil shrugs. “I’ve seen my brother play. Do you?”

“Yeah. And I just—I’m doing—for science, you know the science fair project? We’re—I’m doing LotS. I mean, speed runs. We’re testing speeds. In LotS. After eating sugar, I mean. To see if you’re faster, you know, after eating sugar. Anyway, test subjects. We still need some test subjects.” I force the words out before they disappear wherever my saliva went, but I can’t get them right.

Somehow, Sunil seems to understand me anyway. “That’s cool. Way better than my power source testing. Can we do them at school? My house is out in the boonies.”

The librarian hasn’t complained about me playing LotS for fun, so surely she’d be okay with us playing it for science. “Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“Sweet,” Sunil says. “Lunch today, then? Where should we meet you?”

And just like that, somehow, I have two more subjects.

I just need three more. In ten days.

And then ten more, plus all the analysis and write-ups and poster-board design in the following month. Maybe let’s not think about that.


MEG

Dear Lumberlegs,

Did you know that archers are supposed to engrave their initials on their arrows? They should add that into LotS. I wonder if there’s a machine here at the club that does it. My bf just used a Sharpie.

I saw your video last week where you tried to gather all the ingredients to make a hellspawn cake, and I swear I almost peed myself laughing when you died to that shadowbeast. Thanks for the laugh! I needed it!

Love your biggest fan,

Meg

Dear LumberLegs,

Did you know that the world’s first UFO landing pad was built just outside Edmonton (that’s Alberta, Canada, if you don’t know)? I just learned that and was going to tell my friend, because she’d think it was amazing, but then I remembered she’s not talking to me, so I’m telling you instead. Pretty cool, eh?

That is all.

Love,

Meg

Legs,

I almost forgot to tell you that I bought tickets for LotSCON! I’m so excited to see you there! Of course, my mom noticed I used her credit card and tried to make me return them, but they’re nonrefundable, so all she could do was make me clean the toilets for a month. And pay her back, of course, but I was planning to do that anyways. She thinks it’s ridiculous I bought them, since LotSCON is across the country, but I think she’s forgotten planes exist. I’m going to wait until she’s in a better mood before I remind her.

I can’t wait to tell my friend I bought us tickets. I can’t tell her now because we’re fighting. But that’ll sort itself out soon. I hope.

Anyways, looking forward to seeing you!

SO EXCITED!

Meg


KAT

“ROMAN!”

I duck out into the hallway in front of him, cutting him off with my ninja-like swiftness.

“Kat, hey! You’re not dead!”

“Dead? No, I—did Meg say I was dead?”

“What? No. I’m joking. You just haven’t been around at lunch for a while. I was starting to wonder if you switched schools or something.”

Well, at least I know Meg hasn’t been bad-mouthing me to everyone at lunchtime. Or if she has, Roman hasn’t been listening.

I shake my head. “No, just busy with my science project.”

Meg’s imaginary protest shrieks in my head. “Your science project! When did it stop being our science project?”

There are so many ways I could answer that, but I’m too busy talking with actual Roman to argue with imaginary Meg. “I need more subjects,” I say. “Meg hasn’t tested you yet, has she?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so. Unless she stole my saliva or urine or something.”

I laugh—one quiet, airy burst. Asking Roman is a lot easier than asking Sunil and Eric. Maybe because I’m practiced at it now. Or maybe just because I actually know Roman. My heart isn’t even pounding. I press my fingers to my wrist to make sure it’s still beating at all. It is. “It’s not a DNA test or anything. We just need you to do some LotS speed runs.”

“Oh, phew,” he says with mock relief. “That’s easy. When do you need me?”

“Tomorrow at lunch. Does that work?”

He shrugs. “I don’t see why not.”

“Great. Meet me at the library at the start of lunch tomorrow, then. Don’t eat anything before you come.”

He nods, and I turn to leave, then spin back toward him. “Can you bring your girlfriend, too? And her friend Tanisha?”

He’s already several steps away, but he gives me a thumbs-up in reply. Then, just before I slip around the corner into ninja mode, he calls out, almost as an afterthought, “Hey, Kat, I’m glad you’re not dead.”


MEG

Dear Legs,

I didn’t know until I watched your video from last night that box turtles are often captured from the wild in super-big numbers and then die in captivity. I have a turtle. How do I know if he’s a wild box turtle? And if he is, should I set him free in the woods or something? I’m worried that if I did, he’d be lonely.

With love from your biggest fan,

Meg

LumberLegs,

Love your vids! Watching your livestream on the weekend by myself was so ugh-fest, though. I kept expecting my friend to show up like she did last time we fought, but she didn’t. Maybe she’s even angrier than I thought. I could ask her, but I don’t really want to know the answer. I haven’t even tried logging on to our LotS server in case I find out she’s banned me or something. How about next time you just invite me onto your server to play with you? Deal? Deal.

—Meg

Legs,

I am sick of cleaning toilets. But it’ll be worth it because Kat and I will make up soon and then we’ll go to LotSCON together. Won’t we?

What if we don’t?

Meg

Dear Lumber Legs,

If someone ever invites you to his archery practice, I recommend saying no. Otherwise, you’ll end up going to every single one with nothing to do except write emails to your idol. Also, stick to LotS archery, it’s more exciting!

Putrefying with boredom,

Meg


KAT

THE QUESTIONNAIRES LIE ACROSS MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR IN A GLORIOUS blanket of perfection. All twenty of them, all ready for Monday’s class. Five from Meg. Three from my family. Seven from Sythlight. And five that I did—that I did!—on Sunil, Eric, Roman, Leila, and Tanisha.

It wasn’t hitch-less. There wasn’t time to fit Roman, Leila, and Tanisha into one lunch period and still have the proper amount of time for the sugar to wear off for the third test—or kick in, I guess. I’ve got to do more research to determine which one. But Roman came back the next lunch period, without protest. And Leila and Tanisha came too, to see if Roman could beat their scores. (He did.)

Easy.

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