I’d put Sean out of my mind, primarily because if I allowed myself to think about him and how much I loved him and would miss him, I was afraid I would actually feel something besides anger and rage, and it was those two emotions that had largely taken over my psyche. When it came to Sean, it was almost as though I was in a perpetual state of what Pink Floyd had once called “comfortably numb,” although my numbness wasn’t induced by drugs or alcohol. It was induced by a subconscious choice I’d made to protect myself from emotional trauma. I wanted to kill Katie and her fiancé. I’d thought about it many time, but I knew killing her would be the end for me. There were limits to what I could do, and I knew I was already pushing them.
To keep myself from thinking about Sean, I spent a lot of time in the woods outside of Petros, which was less than an hour away, pumping rounds through the 0.22 pistol I’d bought. Marty had asked me to stop going there, but I chose to ignore him. Target-shooting was mindless, it kept me occupied, and in the state I was in, I never knew when it might come in handy.
When the time came for Sean to leave, I decided it would be best to say goodbye over the phone. I could have—and should have—taken him fishing or camping or to a movie or to the mall or on a hike. I could have done something that, as Gwen had suggested, would show him how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him. But instead, I called him the day before they were supposed to leave. It was five o’clock, and my office had just closed.
“You’re really going to like Hawaii, buddy,” I said when he came on the phone.
“I hope so,” he said.
“I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s a beautiful place. You’ll be surrounded by the Pacific Ocean, there are mountains and hills just like there are here, but the weather is a lot better. You’ll see a lot of palm trees, and you’ll get to do a lot of cool stuff in and around the ocean. Maybe you can take up scuba diving and deep-sea fishing, do some parasailing or learn to surf.”
“I’ll miss you, Dad,” he said, and I heard him start to sniffle.
“Don’t even think about me,” I said. “Your mom thinks this is best for you, and as much as I hate to agree with her on anything, she’s probably right. You’re going to go to a great school, and you’re going to have a great life over there. So like I said, don’t even think about me. Just live your life and be happy all the time.”
“Mom says you killed two men. She says you’re going back to jail.”
“Your mom says a lot of things. Don’t worry about it. I didn’t kill anybody, and I’m not going to jail.”
“Why would she say that if it isn’t true?”
“She always says terrible things, Sean. She has ever since we split up. You know that. She just doesn’t like me.”
“She hates you.”
“I know she does. Maybe once you get to Hawaii and she doesn’t have to see me or deal with me, she’ll stop hating me so much. Maybe that will be another good thing that comes out of all this. My lawyer says you get out of school the last week in May, and I’ll fly you here the first week of June. You can stay here until the first of August if you want.”
“That’s a long time away, Dad.”
“No, it isn’t. A little over six months. It’ll pass before you know it, and then you’ll be back here. So I’ll see you the first of June, and I’ll call you a lot in between. We can FaceTime.”
“Okay,” he said in a small voice.
“I have to go now, buddy. I’ll talk to you soon. Have a good flight to Hawaii, and I’ll be in touch.”
“I love you, Dad,” he said.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I was too far gone by that time to tell him I loved him. I knew I had to still love him at some level, but I just couldn’t feel it.
“I know you do,” I said. “I’ll think about you all the time. Bye, Sean.”
I disconnected the call, and as soon as I hung up, I put him out of my mind. I went outside, got into my car, drove to Petros, and started firing away at the targets. I kept on until it was too dark to see.
CHAPTER 38
Will Grimes wore plain clothes as he pulled into the used car lot on MacCorkle Avenue Southeast in Charleston, West Virginia. The lot was relatively small, with about fifty cars in the inventory. A white trailer sat in the middle of the lot, and as soon as Grimes got out of his car, a tall, extremely thin, redheaded man walked through the door of the trailer and started toward him.
“Welcome,” the redhead said. His wide smiled revealed teeth that were yellow and deteriorating. His complexion was muddled and he had a slight tic when he spoke. The photographs Grimes had seen of this man—booking photos from when he was arrested on drug charges a decade earlier—reflected someone with nearly perfect teeth and a healthy complexion. Grimes wondered whether Rex Fairchild had fallen victim to the plight of so many drug dealers—sampling his own wares.
“What are we in the market for today?” the salesman said.
“Some answers,” Grimes said as he pulled his badge from the sport coat he was wearing and held it out. “I’m looking for Rex Fairchild, and from the booking photographs I’ve seen, you appear to be him.”
The smile disappeared from the salesman’s face, and he backed up a couple of steps. “Who are you and what do you want?”
“Name’s Grimes. Will Grimes. I’m with the Bureau of Criminal Investigation, West Virginia State Police. And like I just said, I want some answers.”
“I don’t have any answers,” Fairchild said. His manner had changed completely, from friendly and accommodating to hostile.
“How can you tell me you don’t have any answers when you haven’t even heard the questions?”
“I don’t want to hear any questions,” Fairchild said. “Why don’t you just get back in your car and get off my property?”
Grimes looked at Fairchild’s hands, both of which were covered in tattoos. “You convicts are all the same. Just can’t resist the peer pressure, I guess. My understanding is that you asked an old friend of yours to do some recon work in Cowen for an ex-con named Big Pappy Donovan. You asked him to check out a boy named Donnie Frazier, who happened to have a friend named Tommy Beane. They’re both dead now. Am I bringing back any fond memories for you?”