“I wish I could answer that one,” Leo mumbled, trying to ignore the way his heart rose into his throat at Felix’s driving. “Maybe they’re all wrapped up in their own egos and that’s all that matters.”
“That’s not fair. The way they treat us isn’t fair.” Felix pulled into behind Leo’s car, parked at the curb. “I thought now that I was an adult, I’d leave all the high school shit behind. But then the football players in high school didn’t rape us; they just tormented us with their words and occasionally their fists. I think they would’ve been afraid to rape us. People might’ve thought they were gay.”
Even after the car was turned off, Felix didn’t look at Leo again. He stared out the windshield with tears streaming down his face and sniffled. “I think that was better than the way I feel now. At least in high school, I knew it would be over at some point. Now I don’t know. Will I ever be able to trust another man?”
“Felix, not all men are like that. You know that.” Leo’s throat tightened at Felix’s pain. He fidgeted with his glasses, taking them off and putting them back on for no reason. “You’ve had good encounters in the past. You’ve met men who listened to you.”
The streetlight flickered on at the corner; it made Felix’s tears glisten. In the light, his knuckles on the steering wheel were still white.
“It’s going to be a long time before I can deal with men again.” He finally turned toward Leo. His face was twisted in pain. “I don’t know if I can trust myself.”
“What?”
“Do you know what the worst part of it was? The part I can’t ever forgive?”
Leo shook his head, unable to find any words that would be comforting.
“I didn’t fight back. I mean, I did try and get away. When our making out got more forceful than I liked, I tried to get out of the bed. After he hit me one time, I stopped struggling.” Felix swallowed, his face collapsed, and sobs wracked him. “I… I… just… stopped. I laid… there… as he… used me. Just… one… hit.” He covered his face.
Not being able to stop himself, Leo touched Felix’s hand.
Felix yanked backward, hitting his head on the driver’s side window. “Don’t touch me!” he shrieked.
“Okay.” Leo fought back his own tears. “I won’t touch you. God, Felix. You need help. This is really tearing you up.”
Shaking, Felix glared across the car. “You think? You think? Let me tell you about torn up. I’m still bleeding. I can barely stand the pain of taking a shit.”
“Felix, you need to go to a doctor.” Inside Leo wanted to find Axe and make him feel everything Felix was feeling. It isn’t right that one human being should do something like this to another. Felix never hurt anyone.
“And tell them what?” Felix’s voice slowly dropped in volume. “I doubt they would care any more about a man getting raped by another man than the police would.”
“You don’t know that.” Leo hugged himself again to stop from trying to touch Felix. “If you’re still bleeding, you need medical care. Felix, you wouldn’t still be bleeding without major internal damage. How big was this fucker?”
“I don’t know. I blocked that out.” Felix sighed and stared at his shaking hands. “I just know it hurt and seemed to go on forever, until he got tired of it and left.”
“Wait a minute.” Leo straightened and watched his friend. “This happened at your apartment?”
Felix nodded slightly. “I’ve never had any problems bringing tricks home, but now this monster knows where I live.” He gulped. “I haven’t been home in days. I’m terrified that he might come back.”
Leo shook his head. “No. You’re not going home. You’re staying with me. You’ll be safe here.”
A sad, pleading look that was reminiscent of a lost puppy filled Felix’s eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Leo finally felt like there was something he could do for Felix. I can make sure he feels safe. “Come on, I’m your best friend. I’m not going to let you—what have you been doing, staying in a hotel?”
Felix nodded. “One of the cheap ones down on Nevada.”
That appalled Leo almost as much as Axe’s actions. “We need to go get your stuff from there.” Then he remembered picking Felix up from work the day before. “But you were at your apartment yesterday morning when I drove.”
“Yeah, I got there right before you did. I’m not safe there.”
“Okay. Come on, let’s retrieve your stuff from the hotel. If you need anything from your apartment, I can fetch it for you. Would that be better?”
“Yeah.” The tightness in Felix’s features slowly relaxed.
“Do you want me to drive?” Leo hoped to get Felix out from behind the wheel for a safer drive. “We can even take my car if you like.”
A heavy sigh, like a huge weight was lifting off his shoulders came out of Felix. “Yeah, that would probably be a good idea.”
Leo looked at Felix. “When you’re ready for a hug, I’m here for you. Anything you need, all you have to do is ask.”