Drew’s hand went stiff in mine. “Ivy knows?” The humor in his voice was no longer there.
I hesitated. “Yeah, I told her a long time ago,” I explained. “The night she told me she was into Braeden.”
“‘Cause you were interested in her.” His tone was harder now, like he was upset. Drew started to pull back, and my chest seized in panic.
“Listen.” I gripped his hand tighter to prevent him from moving away.
“You and my sister is not an image I want in my head.”
“Nothing happened between me and Ivy. I swear. If it did, do you think Braeden would even let me in this house?”
Drew gave me a sidelong glance and then settled back against the cushions, but his hand was still rigid in mine.
“So…” I began, cautious. “The idea of me and Ivy bothers you?”
He made a rude sound. “The idea of you and anybody bothers me.”
Well, that made me happy. Totally fucking giddy.
He didn’t seem quite as gleeful about the announcement, so I decided to maybe not act like I’d just won the lottery.
“Most guys have one-night stands, random hook-ups when they get drunk. If there aren’t women around, they do stupid shit like run across the quad or get into fights.”
“You’re such a frat boy.” Drew teased.
“If anybody else called me that, I’d punch ‘em in the face.”
“Frat boy,” he said again.
I let him get away with it.
Because I loved him. And when it came off his lips, it sounded like a term of endearment.
“Instead of doing that stuff, I’d call Granny. Who the fuck calls their grandma to tell her she’s hot when they’re drunk?”
“I think we should get you some therapy,” he deadpanned.
“So cold,” I said, pretending I was hurt and like I was going to pull my hand back.
In reality, someone would have to use a chainsaw to get my hand out of his.
“Aww, T,” Drew drawled. “I was just kidding.” As he spoke, he pulled my hand back and lifted it to his lips.
Before either of us could think about it, he kissed the back of my hand.
My heart literally tripped. It fell flat and skipped a beat.
That chainsaw?
Not even that would be enough to separate me from him now.
I could tell the act caught him off guard. The way he stilled and pulled his face away like he was in shock.
I didn’t want to act like it was a big deal, even though I was pretty sure my heart graduated from skipping a beat to doing cartwheels inside my chest.
“Those phone calls were a sign.” I continued, calm. “One of the many signs I tried to ignore, the ones whispering in the back of my mind that maybe… No, not maybe. That I am gay.”
“Shouldn’t you be calling your grandpa, then?” Drew asked. He was totally serious. This wasn’t a joke anymore.
I smiled anyway because it was funny. But he didn’t see because he was still looking away. “If it was my grandpa I called, I wouldn’t be able to tell myself the shit I was feeling was wrong. Plus, then I could tell all the guys I was calling some chick I met online to have phone sex. I told them she thought I was Scottish.”
He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was listening.
“It’s not like I was never attracted to women.” I went on. “I was.” Drew stiffened, and I squeezed his hand. “But never like this. Never so much it tore me up inside. I think maybe that’s why I liked Ivy.”
He made a sound, but I hurried on before he could get mad again.
He was a prickly bastard tonight. But that’s okay. This was a heavy conversation.
“She was a safe choice. She didn’t like me, not like that. It was always B for her. I knew it and knew she’d never choose me anyway.”
“That actually makes sense,” he murmured.
“I lied to you.”
His head came around. “About what?”
“That night months ago? The one where I was so drunk I forgot everything?”
He nodded.
“I didn’t forget. I remember.”
“What do you remember, T?” he asked, quiet.
“I remember waking up the next morning and staring at the indent of where you’d been all night beside me and wishing you were still there.”
He sucked in a breath. I knew I’d planned to let him think. Let him make sense of the kiss. But the words wouldn’t stop tumbling out. There just wasn’t room in me for them and all the feelings I had for Drew.
“I thought maybe acting like I forgot would make it easier, and I wouldn’t lose you as a friend.”
“I almost lost you tonight. In that bar.”
“No. That bar just pushed me closer in your direction.”
“I hated seeing you with that guy.” He glanced down at our hands. “All I could think was you were mine.”
“I am yours.”
“I don’t—”
“It’s okay.” I cut him off. “I know you don’t know how you feel, and that’s okay. Just know you won’t lose me. Not tonight. Not ever. Even if…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “I’ll always be your friend, Drew.”
“You’ve been avoiding me all week.” He accused.