The dull ache that throbbed in her chest all day and night might dissipate if she were distracted.
“I need to keep busy,” Adelina said. “So I never have time to think about what I’ve lost, what I almost lost today.”
The thought of marrying that monster…how he’d carve into her flesh as he took her from behind on their wedding night – eating her skin like it was a delicacy.
She stood and ran for the washroom. Adelina barely made it to the toilet before she heaved. It would never happen. She’d gladly drink poison before allowing such a thing, but knowing her sister didn’t seem concerned was the worst of it all.
“Raena said she never would have gone through with it,” Adelina said, resting her head on the cool wall. She wasn’t sure if she tried to convince herself or her courtesan.
Nadyah said nothing as she stroked her hair.
“I believe her,” Adelina whispered, covering her face with her hands. “But I can’t forgive her.”
Nadyah pulled Adelina into her arms. “I would gladly kill her for you.”
The soft, fierce words shattered the mask of calm Adelina had been holding onto since she’d left the council room. Tears fell in silent streams down her cheeks and she held onto Nadyah tight. Her courtesan kissed the tears away and murmured softly in Ilashyan. Her promises soothed Adelina and she sighed.
“My sister still loves me,” Adelina said. “She simply doesn’t see how what she does is wrong. Raena looks for the solutions to the problems, and the consequences are just collateral.”
“I refuse for you to be collateral,” Nadyah snarled. “The woman I love is no one’s sacrifice.”
Adelina looked up at Nadyah in shock. “You love me?”
“Of course I do,” the gorgeous female said. She got to her feet and helped Adelina up as well. Those sapphire eyes looked down at her and she smiled sadly. “You are mine to protect.”
Adelina didn’t know what to say. She had known there were feelings between them, but this was something she hadn’t anticipated. Did she love Nadyah in the same way?
“I understand,” Nadyah said; adjusting Adelina’s hair until it was just so, all traces of her weakness gone. “Your heart is held by another, and I am simply your Mistress in the bedroom.”
Adelina let her courtesan lead her back into the study, but those words felt wrong. “No, you are more than that. I do have feelings for you, but I’m just not sure what they are.”
Nadyah nodded. “It is typical in a camerraleto, especially one where you’ve allowed me to help you learn to please a female, instead of choosing another.”
Adelina shook her head and sipped on her tea, giving her time to find the right words. “It is more than that.”
She’d read all the books Nadyah had assigned her; books on body language, how to flirt, how to seduce, different sexual positions, the way to dress for desired reactions, and so on and so forth. The theory of the camerraleto was all she’d been able to manage while they’d waited for confirmation on her genetic status. There was also breathing techniques to help with control, and then the extra lessons in the fighting arts to help burn off Adelina’s extra sexual energy.
All of the books had been read and some of them twice. She couldn’t help the blush she felt heat her cheeks. They were all so graphic with drawings to help one understand the process precisely.
Practicing what she’d learned the last week had been divine. Nadyah had helped her with Nash, and then after he left they’d started on the female to female pleasure. Adelina never thought she’d enjoy it so much, or that it would set her on fire the way that it did. Nadyah was beautiful and kind, she was honorable and sexy.
Adelina reached out and traced a golden curl of Nadyah’s with the tip of her black nail. It would be a lie if she said she didn’t have feelings for her courtesan, but Adelina wasn’t sure she loved her as more than a friend.
Nash also detested Nadyah’s blatant sexuality.
Adelina shoved the thought to the back of her mind. Nash was a Corinthian. They didn’t have the courtesans and rarely married more than one partner while her people, the Kalans, were flexible and fluid. They’d made no promises of monogamy to each other, even if it were possible for someone like her, Adelina had to entertain Raena’s options. And if Adelina refused to explore what she desired, refused to finish her camerraleto because a male who did not understand her ways might disapprove, then was she really allowing herself to become the person she truly was, the person she wanted to be?
He would simply have to understand.
Adelina considered the feelings she had swirling inside against Nadyah’s confession. “Is this too much?” she gently asked her courtesan. “Will finishing my camerraleto hurt you? The last thing in the world I want is to cause you pain.”
“No, sweet girl,” Nadyah murmured, moving closer to Adelina so that their thighs touched. “I want you to find happiness wherever you can. If that happiness is with me or with Varan, then so be it. He is one I cannot have regardless.”
The whole matter made Adelina feel uncomfortable. “We need to ensure he is not your mate. I will not consider him if he is.”
Nadyah kissed Adelina’s cheek, her lips lingering. Her courtesan was so close, their noses practically touched. She was a wonder and a beauty. Adelina reached up and just barely touched her face, skin softer than velvet.
Those gorgeous sapphire eyes never once looked away; Nadyah did not flinch or shy from the truth. “You cannot wed a female, my princess.”
It was Adelina’s turn to pull back and look away. As much as she may want to at some point, Nadyah was right. She would have to marry a male. Perhaps if there was love between them and Nadyah did not find her mate, she could be Adelina’s mistress. There were those who had married a male and a female when heirs were required, such as the Baron of Seprilles the male he loved, Baron Romeo, and then their wife Baroness Leslie. It was not unusual to have more than one spouse.
But the male would be the one who became prince, and as Adelina was not Nadyah’s mate then marrying her would be short-sighted.
She heaved a huge sigh and pulled Nadyah into her arms. The taller female rested her head on Adelina’s shoulder and they sat that way for a long while, not saying anything as they both considered the murky future. If the Neprijat came and they couldn’t hold them back the whole matter was pointless.
“I may not ever be able to marry you,” she told Nadyah. “But if you like, you could be my mistress for as long as you want.”
Silver tears rimmed her courtesan’s eyes. “It is a lovely offer.” Nadyah kissed her, cupping her face tenderly. “But you don’t worry about Nash?”