Adelina shrugged. “I think…that I want you to be my husband because—I love you.”
It was unexpected, but the second she had allowed herself to truly be herself she was no longer caged by the necessity to choose. It allowed her to love Varan and Nash without guilt or shame. And Varan was absolutely delicious.
Varan inhaled sharply. “You love me?” he asked.
It made her nervous to admit it, especially when she had no idea how he truly felt, but this was a risk she needed to take. Adelina had learned she could no longer hold back who she was. The Game of the Wolf had taught her that much.
“I do.”
His green eyes grew bright and Varan leaned forward, taking her hands in his. “When I first asked for your hand I’d only dreamed of the possibility you would have feelings for me. You are utterly amazing and special. There is no one like you, Adelina. Everything you are doing for the people, for Draga – if I could pledge my life to you a second time I would. You make me want to be a better male, to give you everything I possibly can and more. Somewhere along the way I’ve fallen for you and not softly. Lina, I’ve always loved you, but I love you for everything you are now.”
Tears rimmed her eyes and Adelina didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected anything of the sort. It had never occurred to her that Varan might actually care about her, for who she truly was.
“What about my wolf?” she whispered. “There’s something wrong with me, I know it. I can be just as bloodthirsty and cruel as Raena and it frightens me.”
Varan pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “You are a Draga royal, love. It is in your nature to be bloodthirsty and cruel when need be. We’ve been at peace so long I believe the people have forgotten what hides beneath royal skin. You would rip your enemies to pieces to protect us all. Of that I’ve no doubt in my mind. And sometimes that kind of brutality is necessary. Sometimes you have to put another wolf in their place when they try to test your dominance – or the dominance of the royals – as you did with Hayden. Look what he turned out to be, Lina. Your instincts were spot on. Never question them.”
She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. It was strange to be so close to Varan, but it was also familiar and comfortable. He didn’t try to seduce her or kiss her, he simply held her when she needed it.
Everything he’d said had been true. The royals had always been different. “I never thought I was truly one of them, and I felt ashamed at the joy I had when Asher and Raena accepted me after the Games,” she confessed. “I’ve always wanted to fit in with them, to be liked and appreciated for my abilities for once in my life. For cycles I’ve hidden it, afraid to show any sort of strength. I was convinced I couldn’t be strong as a submissive, but now I’m learning I can be – and not only that, I can be dominant. But I am also afraid of what Nash will think when he finds out I am part courtesan.”
It was something she’d had a hard time coming to terms with. Another reason why she’d kept her true parentage from him. “What if he hates me when he finds out?”
Varan rubbed the scruff on his chin across her hair, back and forth as he thought. It messed up her chignon but Adelina didn’t care. It was oddly soothing.
“Then it’s his loss, Adelina. I’m not exactly objective on the matter, but if he truly loves you, and you love him he will accept you and your proposal.”
She turned to look up at him, feeling tiny in his arms. “You feel this way because I’m Lina?”
“I feel this way because you’re Lina, and because you’re you – as a princess or not.” Varan kissed her, soft and sweet. It was a promise of their future, and she wanted it.
Varan was the only person who knew every part of her – every single facet, and he was not afraid. He was not disgusted, or protective in a way that stifled her freedom and independence. He was a strong male and Adelina had never felt closer to anyone like she did with Varan – not even Alpha.
Adelina enjoyed the sweet kiss and every moment of it she could before reality came crashing back. It melted her inside, the way his lips worshiped hers, how his tongue slid along her bottom lip so briefly she thought she’d imagined it.
When Varan broke away he nipped her ear and slid off the couch, leaving her a bit dazed. “We have to contact the mercenaries and record the transmission for the pirates, and then your father needs you. We will have plenty of time to explore this.” Varan grinned at her and winked.
It was just enough playfulness Adelina laughed despite the heavy subject matter. “All right, let’s get this done.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Adelina
The King’s Chambers
Draga Royal Palace
Planet Draga Terra
Adelina held her father’s hand, keeping watch over his fitful sleep. King Orion was mostly skin and bones under the heavy blankets. The windows were shut against the cold night air, and the fire roaring made the room stifling. Sweat dripped down her spine and it made the new marks sting.
She wasn’t the only one in her father’s room. Giselle and Raena sat silently next to her, holding their own vigil. Their mother was on the other side of the bed, clutching onto Father like it would keep him from leaving her for just a little while longer.
Only the machine displaying the king’s vitals made any noise. Occasionally the fireplace popped and crackled, but that was it.
Ian sat next to that fire, head on the top of the backrest and he snored slightly. Her brother was too skinny and he looked ill. He’d been mistreating his body as he tried to find a cure, but there was nothing he could do any longer. Maybe he would finally take care of himself.
Asher and William stood at the foot of Father’s bed, staring at him with their arms crossed over their chests. They’d been like that for the better part of an hour.
Adelina wished she could have a moment alone with her father, but she took comfort knowing they’d been able to spend time in the royal library together, and all the times in the royal study when it had just been the two of them.
Another hour went by.
Adelina had begun to count her father’s breaths. They’d stopped twice now.
Every time she waited for the final breath she felt the knife lodged in her heart twist a little deeper, sink a little further. Adelina wasn’t ready for her father to leave. There was still so much she wished she could say and do with him…
William muttered something about guard duty before kissing Father’s forehead and disappearing. Adelina barely noticed.
Her eyes were dry from barely blinking. Not once had she moved and her bones began to ache.
Asher muttered a prayer and held Father’s hand for a moment and then he too left.