“I’m not letting you wander around by yourself so mad.”
I walked probably two miles that night. It was fucking cold as shit out, too. Mikey shivered like crazy because he’d forgotten his jacket like an idiot. We ended up at the high school, of all places. There was a game going on that night. It was coming to an end.
When I finally stopped walking, I just assumed Mikey had given up and gone home. Until I felt his hand on my shoulder. For some reason, it threw me into a rage. I’d had enough of everything. So I took all my frustrations with Dad, the academy, and life out on him.
“Just talk to me, Jackie.”
“Go home, Mikey.”
“But—”
“Go. The fuck. Home!”
I pushed him square in the chest and told him to go back and kiss Dad’s ass. He was good at that.
I swallow down the sickness I get in the pit of my stomach every time I think about the look gave me. The one of disappointment you can only get when someone you look up to makes you feel shitty.
When he turned to leave, I was relieved I wouldn’t have to put up with his age of innocence BS any more. My life changed the moment I heard the tires screeching. Then peoples horrified screams. The impact.
My eyesight gets blurry as the details come to life inside my mind.
My chest tightens. Green’s sniffles pull me out of the memory. I squeeze my eyes shut to make the sting go away.
“You were just kids, Jackson. Kids fight. It’s what they do.”
She’s good at pointing out the obvious, but this one’s on me.
Mikey died as a direct result of me.
“Yeah, well…” My eyes still burn. I push my thumbs into the corners of them to make it stop. “A lot of fucking good that does me now, huh?”
She pulls my hands away from my face. She puts her hands on either side of my jaw, then she kisses me. It’s soft and long. Somehow, it’s enough, for now anyway, to make things not quite so fucked up.
So, of course, I let the moment last as long as it wants.
X X X
Somewhere in between the Jackson Stiles caring and sharing show, and round three back in the bedroom, Green passes out. In my bed. But more than that—in my arms.
There was a time, not too long ago, when that shit wouldn’t have happened. Tonight, all that crosses my mind is she belongs here.
I belong here.
With her.
It doesn’t make a lick of fucking sense, but there it is.
Go figure.
I lie awake for a while, thinking about shit.
Donnie, Stix. And as much as I hate to admit it, Walker.
I wonder what he’s up to, wanting me to come back to the force. Maybe it’s my tired ass brain, but I can’t help but wonder if he wants to keep an eye on me for some reason.
Based on what Green said tonight, I’m thinking I’m right.
The yawns start coming quick and heavy about an hour into theory creating. Before I can talk myself into getting out of bed and to the laptop, Mikey enters my thoughts.
Maybe it’s the simple fact that I said his name out loud, or that it’s combined with the fact that I shared a little bit of my misery with Green. Regardless, I feel lighter.
Or less angry, I suppose.
Maybe she’s got a point. Maybe I can’t do anything about being the hero to my kid brother any more. Or even for Donnie. But maybe I can be for another kid in my life.
Maybe I need to get the fuck over myself and get this shit done.
My thoughts jumble together, after that. Every issue I have going on right now mixes in with each other.
When Green sighs a deep-sleep kind of sigh and snuggles up next to me, I take it as her unconscious way of telling me to let it all go for now. So I do. With that, I’m out like a light.
X X X
The next morning, I wake up to an empty bed. My arm knows it before I do. When I squint my eyes to see if Green is anywhere in sight, I get nothing.
Luckily, before I can start creating any theories about that fact, she appears at the door with a bag from the local donut shop and two coffees in her hand.
“Breakfast?” She smiles. The makeup from yesterday is gone. Her hair is up in a frizzy ponytail, and instead of putting on her own clothes this morning, she’s wearing my shirt.
Fucking beautiful.
“Naked, actually.” I inform her with a grin. She blushes. I could do this shit all day.
“Smells fucking awesome,” I tell her. She comes over and sits on the bed, and Frodo follows right behind her. This cat has a sense of smell like no other feline. “But we’re not eating this shit in here.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t like crumbs where I sleep, Green.” I wrap the blanket around my waist as I exit the bed, and we take the food into the living room. No floor this time, though. We’ve graduated to the couch.
I grab the breakfast sandwiches and lay them out on the coffee table. After I unwrap one of them, I shove it in my mouth like I haven’t eaten in days. Come to think of it, I probably haven’t.