“Accident,” Nick tells her as he joins us. His voice is soft. An apology, maybe. I don’t fucking know.
“What were you thinking tonight?” I raise my voice, forgetting Green is even there. Nick takes a defensive stance.
“What was I thinking?”
“You what, thought this was the night, Nick? The one when everything would magically fucking fix itself? Thought you’d invite my… Green over here and make Dad join in on this oh so happy fucking day because—”
“Jackie—”
“No, screw that, Nick. This?” I make as big a fucking circle as I can with my hands toward the house. “Is never going to get fixed. You think you can get that through your thick ass skull? And that bike?” I point at it, but fuck if I’m gonna look at it again. “Is not gonna bring Mike back.”
I feel it as soon as the words leave my mouth. The sting behind my eyes, the shortness of breath. The twisted knots in my gut. The memory of conversations that I gave zero thought to, which cost me a brother.
I reach across my chest. It fucking burns like hell, the ink underneath my shirt.
“Listen,” Nick says to me after a couple painfully long minutes of silence between the three of us. “I’ll get ya home. Just let me tell Mia, and I’ll grab my—”
“I’ll take him.” Green’s unexpected offer throws me off guard.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to.” She looks completely serious right now. Maybe even concerned. Which is freaking me the fuck out. “I’m headed in that direction, anyway.”
How does she know which way is my way?
“How do you—”
“Stay so awesome? It’s hard work.” She smiles, and I have no idea how to react. Is she putting on a show or is she being serious here?
I don’t have to think about it too long.
“If you’re sure. I’ll just go make sure Ma’s okay.” Nick’s already backing away toward the front entry.
Green nods. “Absolutely.”
I breathe. Or try to. “Tell her I’m sorry for…” I wave at the house. Nick nods. He knows what I mean.
“Okay then. Let me get your stuff. We’ll talk, bro. Okay?” He looks to me for some kinda sign that I’m not gonna go home and drink myself to sleep. I can’t give it to him. Instead, I start for Green’s car, ready to get the hell outta Dodge for the night.
Maybe longer.
X X X
“You wanna talk about it?” Green tries to open up the floodgates about ten minutes into our drive. There’s a No Entrance sign that’s been up for roughly a decade, though, unfortunately for her.
“No.”
“You wanna talk about something else?”
“No.” What am I, in Lana’s office?
“You probably should talk about it.”
“Leave it alone, Green.”
“But I just─”
“Leave it the fuck alone.”
She skips a beat when I get loud about it.
“Fine,” she concedes. Another ten minutes go by, and she apparently can’t help herself.
“Jackson?”
I blow out some air. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I told you, Green, it’s not your—”
“No.” She cuts me off. “I mean, about the article.”
My connection with the outside world is broken as I turn to face her. Wasn’t expecting that from her, either. She’s all about the surprises tonight.
“I knew you knew about it, of course. I knew you hated me for writing it. But I didn’t know you’d actually read it until you quoted it tonight.”
Gotta say, not used to getting apologies. Not that I need ’em, but when I hear them, I almost don’t even recognize what’s happening.
“Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you then.”
That’s a laugh.
“You don’t know me now.”
“I know there’s a heart under there somewhere.” She rests her hand against my chest. It’s warm as fuck. “I saw it tonight. I saw it the other day when I found Stix in the back of your car. I know someone like that wouldn’t take advantage of people the way that article suggested you do. So, I’m sorry.”
Her hand finds the steering wheel again.
She’s kinda fucking wigging me out with this sappy shit, to tell you the truth. I don’t know if she’s being sincere or playing me for information. I certainly don’t know how to interact with her on this level.
“Green?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t go soft on me. Comprende?”
I watch her to see if she gets it. When she glances over to read me, she looks like she wants to say something else about it, but in the end, the sides of her mouth turn up in a slight grin. She nods when she goes back to watching the road.
“Comprende.”