“She knew about it?”
“Yeah, and when she found out, she threatened to leave, but then she believed him when he said he’d stop. And he was good for a while, but then he went back to his old ways. She never had the courage to walk out, and finally one day he did. He just said he was going to LA with the woman he was seeing, and we never heard from him again.”
“God. That sucks.”
“Yeah . . . I dunno. I just don’t know why she trusted him. Or why she never left him—I’m pretty sure she stopped trusting him after a while.”
Jamie shakes her head and looks at her hands. “The thing is, I admire her, kind of. For her loyalty. Is that messed up, or what?”
I don’t know how to answer that, so I just say, “It must have been awful.”
“Yeah, well. It was shitty but it worked out for the best. He was an asshole, anyway. I mean, life was hard when he left, but it was hard when he was with us, too, you know? I mean, he didn’t hit us or anything, but . . . so, yeah . . .”
“God. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I mean, it wasn’t fine for a long time. I never would have made it through if it wasn’t for Christina and JJ and Arturo. I ate at their houses all the time when my mom didn’t have enough money to buy food, and we even lived with Christina for a few months when I was ten and my mom lost her job and couldn’t make the rent. They still help us out a little every now and then.” Oh. Jamie continues, “Christina’s been kind of protective of me ever since. She says I’m just like my mom.”
“What do you mean?”
“She thinks that when I fall for someone, I let them walk all over me. I mean, it only happened the one time—the one time I dated someone—so . . .”
“Oh. Did you have a—a boyfriend or something that broke up with you?”
“Kinda . . .” Jamie looks up at the ceiling for a second, like she’s remembering . . . what? “Anyway, so I was a fool, but sometimes love makes you foolish, right? But it doesn’t have to make you poor. So that’s where Christina’s wrong. I’m not like my mom, because maybe I can’t stop someone leaving me, but I’m sure as hell not gonna let ’em leave me broke. I don’t ever want to go through what she went through.”
“Yeah.”
“And your mom shouldn’t have to go through it, either. Or you. I mean, not like your dad’s gonna leave you broke. He’s probably a better man than that.”
“Yeah.” A little shakier this time. Because he might be a better man than that, but he’s not better enough to be faithful. I close my eyes against the ugly possibilities. I reach inside for something solid to anchor myself. Gaman. Jamie puts a steadying hand on my shoulder, and that almost pushes me right over the edge into tears, but I concentrate on the warmth of her palm, and I manage to pull myself together. I sit up, open my eyes, and smile.
“You okay?”
I nod. Then she pats my knee briskly and says, “Hey—you wanna do something this weekend? I have church and then I have to babysit Ariella on Sunday, but I’m free tomorrow.”
Yes! Oh. No. “My dad and I are supposed to hang out tomorrow because I told him I wanted to do family time on the weekend. I can’t really back out.”
“Oh. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t . . . You’re going to homecoming, though, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Perfect. We’ll see each other there. Promise to look for me?”
“Promise.”
“Good.”
“Hey.” I reach across to hug her. “Thanks.”
She hugs me back, and as we break apart, she pats my knee again, gently this time, and then her hand lingers for a moment. And then another moment. For a couple of seconds we sit still like that, looking at each other. My body is urging me to kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, but my terrified little brain won’t cooperate and move the requisite parts. What if I kiss her and it turns out she doesn’t want me to?
Yes?
No.
Yes?
No.
Yes?
Jamie clears her throat, pulls her hand away, and says, “Um. I should um. Probably get going.”
No. Damn.
Fifteen minutes later, Jamie’s climbing onto the bus, waving good-bye. I go back to my room, flop onto my bed, and imagine what would have happened if I’d stopped thinking so much and just kissed her. Of course, in my imagination, she wants to kiss me back, and we end up entangled in a passionate embrace. And the more I think about it, the more I’m sure she really does want to kiss me back. She has to. Okay. The next chance I get, I’m not going to overthink it. I’m going to act. I’m going to take charge. I’m going to kiss her.
Dad comes home from work early—right after I get home from the bus stop, in fact. “Sana-chan, I’m really sorry, but I have to go into the office tomorrow to get some extra work done. Can we watch a movie tonight?”
“Dad, I just canceled plans with a friend because of tomorrow!”
“I’m sorry. Things didn’t go as I planned today. I have to finish this presentation before I leave for the East Coast on Sunday. Can you still play with your friend?”
First of all, I don’t “play” with my friends anymore. Second of all, why do you get to cancel, just like that? But third, yay! I have to call Jamie ASAP. I open my mouth to say okay, I’ll call my friend, when it hits me. He’s probably planning a day with Emoji Woman, since he canceled on Thursday.
Over my dead body. “No, it’s okay. But can I please come into the office with you?”
He pulls his chin back and a crease appears between his eyebrows. “Why?”
“I haven’t seen it since I first got here—you can show me around so much better now! And I have tons of homework to do, so I’ll just sit at a desk and work the whole time, like you.” Hah. Take that.
“You’ll be bored. I may be there all day.”
“If I get bored, I’ll drive home. And then I can come pick you up later when you’re done.”
Dad laughs. “Like school! I will be the student and you can be the parent who picks me up!” He tousles my hair and says, “Okay. And can you buy me some ice cream after school, too?” I didn’t expect it to be this easy. But ice cream with Dad sounds good, even if it means a boring day at the office. Especially if it means I know where Dad is all day.
“Okay.”
Saturday is boorrrring. Dad either canceled plans with Emoji Woman or he was telling the truth about having hours of work to do. But I don’t want to leave him, really, so after I finish my homework, I spend my time surfing the web and texting everyone I know. Maybe Jamie was wrong. Maybe Dad really is reforming. Maybe Emoji Woman is out of the picture.
But then again, on Sunday, Dad is leaving on a twelve-day trip to Boston, New York, and Washington, DC.
Or so he says.
19