“I’m going to sleep,” she said, lying down and covering herself with the blanket. “I like you, Magnus. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
He sat there for a minute, thinking about it. He didn’t want to tell her. He didn’t want to do this the hard way. He didn’t want to open his heart and expose his fears and weaknesses.
He just wanted to mate her and finally feel safe for the first time in a few hundred years.
Was that so much to ask?
He lay down, facing the other way, pulled the covers over himself, and hoped things would be better in the morning.
11
The next day, Lindy woke to an empty bed.
She sat up, looking around, feeling an odd soreness in her body, and then it all came back to her.
The hottest sexual moment of her life. The true rightness of Magnus being inside her.
Then the way he’d acted when he’d woken up from a nightmare.
She put a hand over her face and groaned, wishing she’d handled it all differently.
But she’d been so open with him about what bothered her that it was hard to see him clearly panicked over something and just locking it away, insisting the answer to all his problems was mating her.
She was going at her own pace with this, trying to keep up with him. But he was still claiming to be a dragon from another time and place, and she was still a mechanic who was grieving her father and had been alone far too long.
They were from different worlds, and it took time to bring worlds together.
She got up, pulling on a night shirt and robe, and walked out of her room and down the hallway, creeping toward the kitchen.
She could see his large figure perched on a stool, wearing a tee shirt and new pair of jeans.
“Do you want to talk about last night?” she asked.
He shook his head, a forced smile on his handsome face. His dark-red hair was neatly groomed, implying he’d been up long enough to already take a shower and get ready for the day.
His green eyes were focused on his mug, and he didn’t look up at her until she walked all the way around the counter to stand in front of him.
“Look, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m trying, Magnus. But if you want me to trust you, you’ve got to trust me.”
“Why should I?” he asked. “I’ve had to fight you every step of the way to get close to you. And you still won’t give me what I want.”
“You’re acting like a little kid right now,” she said, and he lowered his eyes again, frowning.
“I think you’re the little kid,” he said. “You have a good thing waiting right in front of you, but you’re so busy being afraid that you won’t prevent a huge wave from crushing it.”
“What?” she asked, genuinely confused. “A wave? Crushing? What are you talking about?”
“My crew,” he said dully. “I sank them.”
“What do you mean you sank them?”
“I guess there’s no harm in telling you now, no matter what you think of me. I built the ship we sank in. It was supposed to take us to find our mates. Instead, we ended up at the bottom of the sea.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” she said patiently. “How can you think it was?”
He slammed his palms down on the counter. “Of course it was! I built it! It should have been unsinkable! I’m a fucking dragon. Hell, how do my friends even look at me, knowing my failure?”
“Is that what you dream about?” she asked, sliding a hand over his, an uncomfortable feeling moving through her. It was warm and familiar and painful, and she was very much afraid it might be love.
He nodded. “I see the wave over and over. I feel the choking saltwater, the crushing darkness, my friends sinking in shadows away from me. Knowing it’s all my fault.”
She just listened, heart aching for him. He’d always been so happy-go-lucky, so willing to hide things while trying to help her move on, that she hadn’t realized how big of a weight he was dragging.
“That’s why I was driving that night when I found you. I wake up at night; it’s all I can think about. When I found you, something changed. You saved me. When I look into your eyes, it’s peaceful. I finally feel deserving, like I have a purpose. Like if I work hard enough, I can earn your love for me.”
She blinked. “Magnus, you can’t earn love.”
Slight panic lit his eyes. “I know. But I want to.”
She opened her mouth to tell him she already loved him. She wanted to. She appreciated what he’d said. But the thought of him sinking in those waters, almost dying, set off something inside her.
She stepped back from the counter as she felt a rapid increase in her breathing that made her feel she was falling quickly. Her father’s face, eyes closed, lightly breathing.
Then not breathing.
Being totally alone.
If she loved Magnus and something happened to him…
“What is it?” he asked, standing up and coming around the bar. “Wait, Lindy…”
She just put up a hand. “I can’t. Not right now.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I understand.” He looked oddly resigned, and she wanted to comfort him, but she couldn’t. Not when she was coming to grips with the fact that she loved him and the crushing consequences that extended from love.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s not you,” she said.
But it was him. It was how wonderful he was. How he stood up for her, rescued her, encouraged her to live. How beautiful he was, inside and out. His gentle patience with her that had brought her to the moon and back.
How funny that the thing that truly brought out her love for him, made her realize how deeply she cared for him, was hearing what frightened him most. It was the last piece of a puzzle that made her see there was no escape.
This man was in front of her, and she loved him.
And because of it, she could get destroyed all over again.
She took another step back, away from him. He looked about to follow, but then her phone beeped, signaling a text.
She pulled it out of her pocket.
Mike: There’s a huge parts delivery here. You need to sign for it.
“There’s a delivery,” she said. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Not without me,” he said, following her to the bedroom as she quickly got changed and swept her hair into a ponytail.
“Magnus, please. I just need a break right now. I’m going to sign for the package and be right back.”
“You won’t let me come.”
She shook her head. It felt as if her heart would explode if she didn’t get away from him. Just for a moment. “I’ll be back.”
“You hurry, or I’ll come after you.”
She nodded. He was back in protective mode, focused and intent. But she couldn’t forget the Magnus from a moment before and how she felt about him.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, holding her keys and looking into his eyes. “I promise.”
Then she turned and ran for her driveway.
Magnus couldn’t help pacing as he waited for Lindy to return from receiving the delivery. He’d give her two more minutes. Then he was going after her, no matter how much she seemed to want to run away from him.