It felt like an out-of-body experience. As if something had jerked his soul from his body to hover over himself, and he was looking down at a stranger in one really tacky shirt. For the first time, he really saw himself as others did.
Taller than most, he was still a gangly kid whose body fit the same as a child trying to walk in their parents’ shoes. Yeah, he faked it. Nick would never let anyone know just how insecure he truly was about every aspect of his personality and looks.
At the end of the day, he couldn’t deny the feelings of inadequacy that forever stalked him like a hungry Daimon out to shred his soul. The never-ending terror that Nick wouldn’t live up to being the man he wanted to be.
Worse, that he really was the monster demon he’d been bred to become. That the Malachai would emerge and tear down everything his mother had tried to teach him. Shred all the humanity inside him until he no longer cared who he hurt.
Nick’s mind went back to Kyrian talking to him about The Iliad for class. “Life is always about choices, Nick. Sometimes we make them for selfish reasons. Sometimes we make them for others. Sometimes we run from them and sometimes they’re forced on us against our will. Paris could have left Helen alone, regardless of what the goddesses had promised him. Hector could have given up his brother and saved his kingdom. Achilles didn’t have to withdraw from battle out of spite. Patroclus didn’t have to put on Achilles’ armor to inspire their forces. Nor did Achilles have to kill Hector knowing that when he did so, it would mean his own death. Was it Helen’s choice to go with Paris to Troy? She could have stayed in Sparta, and when Troy fell, she could have killed herself rather than return with the husband she’d originally fled.… Where is that line of free will and what is preordained by the gods? Do we choose our lives or are we merely pawns to some higher game we know nothing of?”
In that moment, the fog began to clear and Nick started understanding the significance of pith points and free will.
I am the master of my own destiny and it is one screwed-up mess that I’ve made of it …
And as he looked around at Caleb and Xev, a new respect for them rose up inside him. Like Kyrian, they’d been handed a raw deal by life. Both of them had made sacrifices for others and paid a bitter price.
Would it have been worse had they acted selfishly? That was what Kyrian had done. He’d taken the selfish route and his life had turned out no better.
If anything, his was worse. While Caleb and Xev had lost their hearts, it’d been through the actions of others who had taken what they loved. To the end, their wives had been loyal to them.
Kyrian’s tragedy had been through the betrayal of the woman he’d given up everything for. She had carved his heart out and handed it to him.
Pith points.
Yet his friends had stood up through the rubble of their annihilated lives, dusted themselves off, and carried on with a resolute strength Nick couldn’t fathom. Undaunted. Indefatigable.
Just like his mother.
And for them, he would fight the Malachai darkness inside him. Just like they had. Just like they continued to do every day of their lives.
Every great legend begins with that one person who raises an angry fist to the sky and flips off the gods in defiance.
Acheron was right.
And that was what Nick had been doing since the moment he came into this world as a sick baby. Defying the odds. Defying expectation. Defying authority.
Defying his destiny.
And he had no plans to change his ways now. He knew no other way to be. “All right. Point me to the hell-monkeys. It’s time to make them my bitches.”
“Excuse me?” Kody gaped at him. “Your mother would be horrified.”
“Probably. Most of what comes out of my mouth horrifies her.” He gave her an adorable grin. “I have to admit, it surprises and embarrasses me, too, most days.”
Laughing, she gave him a quick kiss. “And that’s why the good Lord made you so adorably cute. Otherwise the impulse to drown you would override all others.”
“Ah, cher, what have I told you about baiting the gator? You say such things and it just makes the devil in me want to say something even worse.”
But as they reached Menyara’s store, Nick sobered at what greeted them there.
Ah, crap …
Tabitha Devereaux stood on the sidewalk outside the chained doors with her zoo crew. That was bad. Worse was the fact that her zoo crew included Madaug’s older brother, Eric. Although Madaug was right. Sometimes it was hard to say if Eric was his brother or his sister.
Tonight was definitely one of those nights. With his hair dyed as black as Tabitha’s, he had it braided up on one side and wore more makeup than Tabby. In fact, the sharp angles of his thick eyeliner looked like he must have gone to the same store Vawn had for instruction on how to wear it, and the black eyeshadow and matching lipstick.
“Why is Eric in a dress?”
Aeron rolled his eyes at Nick’s question. “It’s a kilt, man. Learn the difference.”