“No,” she whispered.
A smell of spring wafted toward me. Lilac, her favorite. One hot tear slipped down my cheek. I didn’t move as she opened her eyes, though I felt my lower lip tremble like a lost child’s.
An instant later, I realized what I was seeing and my mouth fell open in utter shock. My mother’s cheeks were too full. Puffy bags drooped beneath her eyes. Even her lips seemed waterlogged.
She whimpered, her eyes scanning the room frantically. She stepped toward me and grabbed my hand, squeezing too tight.
“How?” she said. “How is this possible? I was so careful to keep you out of all this. I don’t understand.” She took a deep breath through her nose and dropped my hand, speaking rapidly. “Doesn’t matter. You have to leave. Now. If she finds you here, I don’t know what she’ll do.”
I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. Because my gaze was trapped on my mother’s abdomen. Her extremely round, extremely pregnant abdomen. A sick jolt rocked me back on my heels as a memory consumed me.
Dad had brought my very pale mother home from a short hospital stay. I was seven, and so excited, because in four months I’d be a big sister. No one spoke to me when they got home, and I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened. All I knew was that they seemed really sad and that my mother’s tummy looked strangely flat. That night, Dad had perched on the edge of my bed.
Well, kiddo, he’d said, looks like it’s just gonna be the three of us. And that’s okay. It’s . . . it’s fine.
The scratchy sound in his voice had made my throat ache. And that night, alone in my bed, I heard my mother sobbing from her bedroom next door. I had never, ever heard my mother cry. It scared me so much, I’d huddled under the covers and bawled myself to sleep.
Years later, Dad told me Mom had nearly died when she lost the baby. There’d been a problem, and I’d always be an only child.
“Mom?” I gasped. “I—” God, I couldn’t manage to string two words together. I flung a hand at her belly. “When?”
“Soon, I think. They don’t exactly have ultrasound dating here.”
Her voice was clipped. I answered back in the same tone. “No. Guess not.”
I counted back in my head, trying not to show it.
She noticed. “Obviously, I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left,” she said. “How could I? The doctors said it was impossible.” The muscles in her jaw tightened. “Hope, I don’t understand this. How do you even know about—”
Her voice cracked, and she covered her mouth with swollen fingers. I felt myself begin to crumple with disappointment. I’d built this moment up in my mind for so long. Every second since I’d learned she was alive. Now it was here and all I wanted was to run away.
“Aunt Lucinda sent for me,” I said. “She told me the truth.”
“She had no right.” Every muscle in her face tightened. “Look, you must understand. I always wanted to tell you. I just . . . I wasn’t sure you’d be able to—”
“You know we thought you were dead?” I let the words drop, heavy as a sack of rocks, between us. “There was an earthquake in that city where you were supposed to be. A bad one, Mom. Thousands of people died. Hundreds of buildings collapsed, including the university tower that held the lecture hall where you were supposed to be. They never recovered most of the bodies. And since they couldn’t find your body . . . they declared you dead.”
When she flinched, I felt a throb of something like triumph.
“Oh no.” Her hand covered her mouth again. “I was just supposed to be gone for a few days, I . . . All those poor people. The teachers . . .”
My teeth ground together so hard, my ears popped. I suddenly wanted to hurt her. “We had your funeral the other day, you know. Dad buried an empty coffin. He even had a headstone with your name carved on it. It says ‘Beloved Wife and Mother,’ in case you wondered.”
Her lips went white as she whispered, “Sweetheart, I . . .”
When she buried her face in her hands and started to weep, I could only stare in utter and complete astonishment. This wasn’t the mother I knew. I’d expected Mom to sweep us all up and take over. Fix everything. That was how it worked. My mother was a warrior. A fixer. And yet, all I felt as I watched her shoulders shake . . . was an uneasy pity.
Her face was blotchy as she raised it and scanned the room. “Where’s Lu? I need to speak with her at once.”
That’s it? I shook my head in disbelief. That’s the extent of our big reunion?
Numbness crept out from my chest. “Aunt Lucinda, Mac, and Moira came here a few months ago, looking for you. They couldn’t find you. Obviously, they aren’t here this time. It’s just Collum and Phoebe. And me.”
“Just you kids? Good Lord, what was she thinking? And you? You have no practical training whatsoever. How could Lucinda allow this? It’s insane.” Her eyes closed for a long moment. When they opened, she looked hard into my eyes. “Listen to me, Hope. The three of you, go and find a safe place to hide until it’s time to go back.”