“True, but she didn’t know that. If you told her you were working late with Daniel, I took that as code that something else was going on. I know I was completely wrong and I’m not making excuses. I’m just trying to explain what state of mind I was in at the time. Everything leading up to that day had killed my self-esteem, but thinking you were off with Daniel gutted me. When Cyndi made it clear she was interested and willing, I accepted her invitation.
“Brilliant. I’m sure you were ecstatic when she turned up pregnant. Did you ask her to marry you as soon as you saw the positive pregnancy test?” My sarcastic tone has reached a new level and my next words will up the ante even more. “Did it make you think you were a real man’s man since you knocked her up so easily when I couldn’t get pregnant after trying for two years? Were you thinking of her while you were fucking me?
“I don’t know why you think I had to hear any of this. Nothing you’ve said makes me want you back. In fact, it makes me even happier that you’re out of my life. I’m so thankful that I never got pregnant by you. By the way, I’m also very thankful I didn’t catch some fucking disease from you since you obviously didn’t use a condom with her. You’re a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man. You and Cyndi deserve each other and all the mistrust, suspicions, and betrayals you’ll gift each other over the years. The only one I feel sorry for is your baby, the innocent one who has to live with the two of you as its parents.”
At some point during my rant, I apparently stood and crossed the room to yell in his face. But now I’m done here and want nothing to do with Bobby Shaw ever again. I turn on my heel and stomp across the room, my sights set on the door and my escape from this confined space.
“The baby isn’t mine,” he calls out from behind me. “She already knew she was pregnant when she showed up at my apartment that night.”
Why couldn’t I have just made it out the door before he added that part?
“Layne, I hate myself for even thinking this, but I have to tell you this part so you’ll understand the rest. After all our negative pregnancy tests, I was somewhat…relieved…the day Cyndi told me she was pregnant. A small part of me was glad there wasn’t something wrong with me after all. I mean, for two years we’d tried, and I thought I was a failure at that, too. But another part of me, the majority of what I felt, was that I was the lowest life-form on earth. She told me she was pregnant the same morning you found out about us.
“It doesn’t help, but I’d actually told her I couldn’t see her anymore after she gave me the news. But then she convinced me that you and I would be over anyway, and I needed to be a father to our baby. It wasn’t what I wanted at all, but I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t accept my responsibility.
“How did you find out the baby isn’t yours?”
“I went to her monthly doctor’s visit with her. When he left her chart on the counter during her examination, I saw the date of her last period and the estimated weeks of gestation. After we left, I confronted her about it. Of course, she denied it at first, but I told her I’d demand an amniocentesis to prove paternity and she caved. She’s actually not sure who the father is, but she knows it’s not Brett. He didn’t trust birth control pills, so he refused to go without a condom. That’s why she and Brett broke up—he caught her with someone else.”
“Maybe Brett and I should start a club. We can call it ‘Bullet Dodgers’ and have T-shirts made.” My sympathy level for Bobby is in the negative double digits. “I can’t believe how blind I’ve been all these years. Apparently, I never knew the real you, just like I never knew the real Cyndi.”
“You do know me, Layne. You’ve always known me. I just lost myself. When you walked in and I saw firsthand what damage I’d caused, it killed me. Images of the pain in your eyes have haunted me every day since.”
“You know what? This whole charade you’re putting on is only pissing me off even worse. The only thing you regret is that you got fucking busted. Or I should say, you got busted fucking. Did you honestly think that telling me the baby isn’t yours makes it all better, would make me take you back? You’ve been fucking my former best friend! Why the hell would I want you back after everything?
“There’s nothing you can do to change my mind. I’m happier without you than I ever was with you. I’m in love with someone else, and the awesome part is, I know without a doubt that he’s in love with me. He openly shares his thoughts and dreams with me. I’ll never have to question his motives. We’ve already taken major steps toward our future, and we’re doing it together, like a couple should. You’re my past, and I’m leaving you there.”
The hotel is disappearing in my rearview mirror, far behind me, just like Bobby. Had anyone told me two years ago that this would be my reality, I would’ve called bullshit and had them locked away in a mental hospital. Today, I only regret not seeing the deception that was occurring all around me. Part of me wants to exact revenge on Cyndi for what she’s done, but I draw the line at assaulting a pregnant woman. Besides, she’s not worth the trouble it would cause me in the end.