“So you don’t think I’m a terrible person for not wanting to marry the mother of my child?”
His words remind me that Bobby didn’t want to marry me. Now I know that he still wouldn’t have, even if I’d gotten pregnant with his baby. I also know that it wasn’t fair of me to expect it, to try to force him to in a passive-aggressive way. Regardless of how badly I thought I wanted a life with him, it wouldn’t have been a happy home because it wouldn’t have been out of a mutual desire to be married.
“No, I don’t. I think you’re very wise to have recognized that she wasn’t the one you wanted to spend your life with, to give your last name to, and to be together till death do you part. That is sacred, Ace, and you have every right to have that. Maybe divorce rates wouldn’t be so high if more people listened to your mother’s advice.”
“You understand exactly what feelings I can’t put into words.”
I drop my eyes from the shame I feel at my own shenanigans. “I do understand, Ace. I understand both sides, thanks to you. Even though I’m ashamed to admit it, I hoped that getting pregnant with Bobby’s baby would make him want to marry me. Don’t misunderstand, I honestly wanted a baby and would’ve had one with or without him. But every version of the future that I envisioned had us married, happily living in the suburbs, and having the picture-perfect life.
“But now, I’m so very thankful it didn’t work out. It seems strange to say this, but it was a blessing in disguise that I never got pregnant. That I never had to face that whole scenario. That I never had to feel guilty for pushing him into something that wasn’t what he really wanted in the first place.”
“Selfishly, I’m also very glad none of it happened.” Then he smiles that smile—the mischievous, little boy who does no wrong smile. “If I’d met you after, I would’ve been forced to run your husband off, and people really frown on that sort of behavior.”
The way he’s so open with his thoughts, feelings, and flirting still catches me off guard at times. It’s so different than what I’m used to, but I’m quickly learning to love it. The surprise of never knowing what he’ll say, the thrill of how his words affect me, and the rich way his sexy voice fills my senses makes me feel reckless, desired, and protected all at once.
“Ace, your kidding and flirting will get you in trouble one day.” I shake my head and cut my eyes at him, trying not to let my laugh break free.
“Kidding and flirting?” he asks incredulously. A little exaggerated, in my opinion. “I’m not kidding about anything. The truth is I’m more intrigued by you than I’ve ever been by anyone else in my life. I’ve never wanted to spend every waking minute with a woman before you. Never wanted to spend every sleeping minute with one either, before now. And all the things we’ll do in between those waking and sleeping minutes. I want to know everything there is to know about you.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I can be a little possessive of what I consider mine.” He grins, knowing I fully remember that day in the field when I was on his property, petting his horse. “To be clear, I consider you to be mine now, and I’m yours. I’ve never been good at the whole learning to share thing, and that definitely applies to you.”
He waits for my response, but I’ve never been so tongue-tied. It seems to be a recurring problem when I’m around Ace. The man has no filter and no fear—a dangerous combination to my mind and my heart. But one I couldn’t resist even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Even though I’ve never been good at sharing my innermost feelings, I actually want to tell Ace everything.
“It feels sudden, rash, and completely illogical.” I hesitate for a second. “But it feels right. Am I crazy for wanting this so much, Ace? Are we rushing into this relationship without thinking through all the ramifications? Will it just fade away at the end of summer and be nothing more than a fling?”
His hands cup my face and draw me close to his. His warm, minty breath wafts across my face and his woodsy, masculine scent surrounds me. “We are not a fling. What I feel for you grows stronger every single day. If you’re crazy for wanting me, then I’m completely insane for the way I want you, Layne. We don’t know where this will take us, but we’ll figure it out together. If this isn’t what you want, if you’d rather just remain friends and leave without looking back at the end of the summer, tell me now.”
What should I do? Throw all caution to the wind and jump in headfirst? Wade in a little at time and perhaps then plunge into the deep? Or walk away now, before it’s too late, before we both get caught in the rapid waters?
I’ll let my heart decide.
“I couldn’t go back to being just a friend now, knowing you like I do. Knowing how your lips feel on mine. How your hands feel on my skin. Thinking of another woman experiencing that with you would drive me to do something crazy. We’ll figure this out together, and we won’t let worrying about what happens in the future ruin today.”