“The round pen is best, Layne,” Justin explains. “If he spooked in the pasture like he did today when Ace walked up to him in the pen, he would’ve been long gone. This way makes it safer for you and him.”
“Okay, if you’re sure,” I agree. “River, are you ready to go? We should let them get back to work now.”
“Can we go play in the water now?” she asks and her eyes widen animatedly.
“Yes, we’ll go play in the water now,” I agree. Her excitement is contagious, and I’m ready to take a dip in the cool water myself. “Tell them good-bye.”
“Bye, Daddy,” she says sweetly and kisses him on the cheek.
“I’ll see you later, baby. Be good for Layne,” Ace replies then kisses her back.
She leans over toward Justin and wraps her arms around his neck. “Bye, Uncle Justin.”
“Bye, Squirt. Come back and see me soon.”
Ace walks us to my Jeep and secures River in her seat. “Layne, what you did with Frankie today…” His voice trails off for a second and he shakes his head, gathering his thoughts. “He needs you, there’s no doubt about that. Justin kind of put you on the spot back there. You came here for a reason, and it wasn’t for free labor to help us. And Layne, if you thought I meant I didn’t want you here, that wasn’t it at all.”
“Ace, I appreciate that, but if I didn’t want to do it, I have no problem saying no. Honestly, I want to spend time with him and help him if I can.”
What I don’t say is he’s helping me every bit as much as I’m helping him.
Chapter Eight
ACE
“What do you think you’re doing?” I growl out as I advance on Justin.
“What are you talking about?” He has the nerve to look at me like I’m crazy.
“You know exactly what I mean, dickhead. Observing her without telling her what you’re doing? That’s completely fucking unethical, man.”
A slow smile crawls across Justin’s face until the white of his teeth blind me. “I’m hurt,” he lies. “I can’t believe you’d think that about me.”
“You just proved it to me. I wouldn’t have believed it before now!” I yell at him.
“I’m not observing her, Ace. I asked her to do this for two reasons. First and foremost, Frankie needs her if he’s ever going to get past this fear of being abused again. His connection to her is strong, and she can help to slowly start introducing other people to him,” Justin explains.
“And the second reason?” I demand.
“Secondly, you and River need her just as much as Frankie does,” he replies solemnly. “At least Frankie and River realize it, though.”
“So, what, you expect me to believe you’re playing matchmaker now?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve tried to fix you up with someone since Margot…”
“Don’t. Don’t even bring her name up,” I warn. I’m already on edge, and hearing her name only makes it worse.
“Give Layne a chance. River already loves her, and it doesn’t take a psychology degree to see you’re more than a little interested in her.”
“Don’t you have work you need to do?” I retort and change the subject.
“Everyone is a work in progress, and that doesn’t end until you die. You’re only stuck in a rut if you want to be. For as long as you want to be.”
With that little tidbit of wisdom, Justin strolls off to prepare for the next client. The rest of my day is spent in silent reflection unless I’m forced to speak to someone. He’s right about one thing. I’ve kept myself locked in this rut for several years now and only I can get myself out. Some parts of my life are exactly as I envisioned them when I was younger, but the parts that don’t fit with my vision are the most important parts.
As much as I’ve put River first in everything, maybe I’ve also kept her from having everything she needs. Not intentionally. But in my attempt to keep her from ever being hurt, I’ve also kept her from ever being fully loved. This realization hits me hard and knocks the breath from me. Scenes of Layne and Frankie together flash before my eyes and make me realize the same need to feel loved that resides deep inside both of them also resides in my daughter. She just hasn’t reached the acute level that Layne and Frankie have. Yet.
“Why is this so hard?” I complain aloud.
“What?” Justin asks from behind me.
“Being a parent,” I hedge. “Knowing the right thing to do so you don’t screw your kid up for life.”
“The truth is you can take every precaution to avoid making the mistakes your parents made. The reality is you’ll make all new mistakes that your kid can then avoid when she has kids of her own. It’s all inevitable, man. We’re human. We’re flawed from birth.”
“That doesn’t help me at all.”
“Make the best decisions, the best choices, with the knowledge you have at the time. That’s the best any of us can do.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reply absently as his words sink in.
With the windows down, I drive home and let the warm air fill the cab. The sweet scent of honeysuckle calms my thoughts, and the sounds of katydids and frogs take me back to a simpler time. By the time I reach my house, I’m bursting with pent-up energy and newfound ideas.