“Jaxon, wake up,” a voice called out. All through the night, I’d had one nightmare right after the other. I couldn’t seem to wake up from them. “Jack, wake up,” the voice said again, the name Jack catching my attention. She hadn’t called me that in a long time. Groaning, I lifted my head and my neck was on fire. “It’s about time,” my mother said, laughing.
My vision was blurry, so I blinked a few times to get it to clear. When I could finally see, my mother sat up in the bed, smiling at me as I repositioned myself in the chair next to her. Her eyes were the same color as mine and I could see the strength in them. Her body might be dying, but her soul was still alive and well.
“How long have you been awake?”
She shrugged. “For a while. I was just watching you sleep like I used to do when you were a baby.”
She squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good, actually. There’s been some pain, but now that I’m on morphine it’s not so bad. They say it’s coming from my body shutting down. I guess this is what dying feels like.”
The words stung, but I knew it was the truth. I didn’t want to think of her being in any pain or having to suffer. She was probably hurting as we spoke, but too damn stubborn to say anything. She never wanted me or my brother to know she was in pain. When my father died, she put on a brave face, but I could hear her crying when she thought no one could hear her.
“What can I do, Mama? I’m so fucking clueless right now.” My chest ached and I could barely breathe. I hated feeling helpless.
She continued to hold my hand. “You can talk to me. Hearing your voice will make me feel better. I’ve missed you so much.”
I shook my head. “I hate myself for not visiting more. I wish I had more time.”
“You’re here now; that’s all that matters. Besides, your life is in North Carolina now. Your father would be so proud of you, just like I am.” My phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket. There were ten missed text messages. “Your phone has been going off like crazy. I’m surprised you slept through it.” My mother laughed.
There were a few messages from Derek and Aaron, asking where I was since I wasn’t at the airport like I was supposed to be. I texted them back and told them what was going on so they’d know I was already in Tampa. But then, the last text was from Bristol.
Bristol: Thinking of you. I hope everything’s okay.
A small smile spread across my face and my mother caught it, her face beaming. “Do I see a smile on your face? Who might I ask put it there?”
I texted Bristol back so she’d know I was fine and told her I wished she were with me. It was the truth. “Her name is Bristol,” I told her.
“Bristol, huh? That’s an interesting name. Is it serious?”
I shrugged. “Kind of. I wish you could meet her. You would love her.”
“Looks like you do too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on your face.”
“What kind of look?” I asked curiously.
She leaned her head back on her pillow and smiled. “The same look your father used to give me. That man knew how to make me weak in the knees. I fell in love with him the first night we kissed.”
“How did you know?”
Her eyes twinkled. “You just do. Have you thought about any other woman since you’ve been with her?”
I chuckled. “No.”
She held up her hands in triumph. “There you go. I never thought I’d see the day my baby boy fell in love. It’s something I’ve always wanted for you.”
My smile faded when reality struck. I still hadn’t told Bristol the truth. It wasn’t going to matter if I was in love with her or not. “She’s going to hate me when she finds out what I did,” I said.
Her brows furrowed. “What did you do? You didn’t cheat on her, did you?”
“No,” I said, “but I did lie to her. I don’t think she’ll forgive me when I tell her the truth.”
Lifting her hand, she patted me on the cheek. “If she loves you, she will.” She hissed in pain and grabbed her side.
“Mom, you okay?”
She bit her lip and released a shaky breath. “Sometimes the pain just flares up every once in a while. I can handle it, though.”
“You need medicine. I don’t want to see you suffering. Let me go see when the nurse is coming.”
I started to get up, but she grabbed my arm. “Stay. I don’t want to talk to you in a drugged haze. That’s not how I want you to remember this talk.”
It killed me to sit back down when I knew she was hurting, but I had to respect her wish. “Are you afraid?” I asked her. I never gave much thought about my own death, but I knew I wasn’t ready for it.
Her lips pulled back into a sad smile. “I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid of what I’m going to miss. I’ll never get to hold a grandbaby in my arms or see you and your brother get married. There’s so much I still want to see. The only thing that gets me through it is that I know I’ll see your father again. He’s waiting for me.”
She leaned over and tried to reach for her jewelry box but she couldn’t get it. “I got it,” I said, walking over to the other side of the bed. I picked it up and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes lighting up. When she opened it, she pulled out a necklace I hadn’t seen her wear in years. It was an antique Celtic cross made out of silver with black diamonds and our family crest in the center. The necklace was old, dating back generations, and it was probably worth tens of thousands of dollars. It was the most sacred artifact in our family history.
She held it out to me and I took it. “This needs to be locked up in a safe.”
“It does,” she agreed. “You can put it in yours when you go home. I’m giving it to you.”
“What? Are you serious?”
She nodded. “You can pass it down to your kids. It’s always given me luck, so I know it’ll help you. Maybe the Cougars will win the Super Bowl again.”