“Hayes,” I panted between kisses. I’d gone from nervous to completely lovesick to downright needy in the span of minutes. I was reeling from all the emotions. He pressed his hardness into me again, the ridge of him grinding into the most sensitive part of me, and I nearly lost my composure at that very moment.
His mouth moved from mine, down my throat, over my collarbone to the swell of my breast. I lifted up, unhooked my bra, and threw it across the room faster than I ever had before. He didn’t waste any time either, as his mouth immediately found my breast. I gasped, lost in the sensation, only spurred on when his hand palmed the other. Everything I was feeling I was familiar with, it was just more intense than ever before. The pulsing, the hot and constant throbbing between my legs, the feeling of stretched-tight rubber bands from my nipples to my core, the way my breasts felt hot and heavy. It was the perfect storm of lust.
His mouth moved from my nipple, kissing down the center of my stomach, looking to me for permission when his lips met the top of my underwear. I nodded and rolled my hips toward him, catching a glimpse of a smile as he pulled my underwear down my thighs.
Hayes pulled the last article of clothing off me and I resisted the urge to cover myself, to hide the parts of me no one had seen before, the parts I was most self-conscious about, but the expression on his face was one of awe and adoration. I realized then, Hayes was the very first person to see me that way; laid bare and completely naked in every way.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes moving slowly over the expanse of my pale skin that never got any sunlight, a drastic contrast to the parts of me that were tanned from days on the beach. When his mouth landed just below my belly button, my breath caught in my throat and my whole body shuddered. “I want to do so many things to you, McKenzie. But this has to be slow and gentle. I don’t want to hurt you any more than necessary.” He moved north a smidge and kissed me again, repeating the pattern until his mouth was back to mine.
When his face was back up to mine, my hand reached out for him.
“You’re shaking,” he observed, taking my hand in his own and bringing it to his mouth, kissing my fingers. “We don’t have to do this.”
“I’m not shaking because I don’t want to, I’m shaking because I do. So badly. I’m just nervous.”
“What are you nervous about?” His question was sincere and soft, his eyes still looking into mine.
“I’m nervous that it will hurt. I’m nervous I won’t do it right. I’m nervous you won’t like it.” The truths were spilling from me, and it felt good to speak them, as though some of the tension was released from my chest and I could breathe a little easier for saying them. “I’m worried we’ll do it, and then everything will change between us.”
He ran the back of his hand down my cheek, a small smile playing on his face.
“Everything will change, but it will only be good. It’s hard to explain, but once you’ve shared your body with someone, it makes everything better.”
I tried not to let the jealousy take over knowing he’d shared his body with someone else. I was both angry and happy he’d been with someone before me. At least one of us knew what we were doing.
“I can’t tell you if it will hurt or not. But I can tell you if it does, it won’t last too long or be too uncomfortable. But,” he continued, bringing his hand to cup the back of my neck and lowering his face to mine, our mouths just inches apart. “There’s no wrong way to do it, and there’s not a chance in hell I won’t like it.” He kissed me then, softly, one hand still gripping the back of my neck. It was a slow, lingering kiss, and when he pulled away I wasn’t ready for it. “This will be a first for me too,” he said, resting his forehead against mine. He must have felt my eyebrows bunch together in confusion. “I’ve never been with someone I was in love with.”
His words melted me, absolutely dissolved the worries and fears that had been building up inside me. When he kissed me next, I wasn’t the bumbling virgin. I was the McKenzie who’d been in love with Hayes from afar for years, who was finally going to be able to give herself over to him in every way. He kissed me and I pushed his pants down his legs, needing us both to be completely bare. I got them as far as I could and then he finished the job, his mouth never leaving mine.
When it was finally just us, no barriers between our bodies, I pulled away. I let my eyes drift down between us, taking in the sight of him, worried about the logistics and how in the whole wide world that was supposed to fit inside of me.